


Shatter Me

by MitsukaiMizuAmaya



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Dark, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-04-16 05:00:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 51,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14157318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MitsukaiMizuAmaya/pseuds/MitsukaiMizuAmaya
Summary: Aya Williams was a shattered woman. Unable to pretend she was fine, she turned down a full-ride scholarship to Julliard and ran. Ran so far she ended up in Korea, having accepted a study abroad scholarship at SKY University. But only days in, a stranger handed her the access to a mysterious app. One that would change her life and maybe, put her back together again.(PLEASE NOTE: no "on-screen" rape will occur. The MC is a survivor, and this deals a lot with her recovery process and learning to trust again. So the warnings are just for mentions of past assault and the mind of a survivor.)





	1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:**  I don't own anything, blah blah, blah.

 **Note:**  Lines in English will be typed in underline like this.

* * *

Prologue

**Mystic Messenger**

_"Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved."_

_\- William Jennings Bryan_

* * *

It's hard not to get lost in a new country. All the sights and smells, people and places so wholly foreign to visitors, yet at the same time strangely enticing. Because what reason could one have to visit foreign places, if not to feel that sense of newness? That sense of renewal, of new beginnings, and of possibilities.

But it was hard. When I decided to forgo a prestigious art and music scholarship back in America to leave the country entirely, no one understood why. It was a huge opportunity; a full ride scholarship to Julliard. So amazed that the college would take me, after the... incident, and my withdrawal from everything for well over two years, my family and friends pushed me to take it. But it was all a reminder, everything back home. I needed to put as much distance between that place and I as possible.

So that was how I ended up in Korea. I'd taken the language at a community college in highschool, along with Japanese. I was a bit rusty in some of the finer points, but still. I could get by. Arrived in Seoul about two weeks prior to Fall term so I could get situated and used to the foreign land. Might seem a bit overkill to some, but still... I needed it. The stability that time brings. No surprises. Calmness. That's what the doctors and my therapist back home told me, and I wasn't one to ignore doctor's orders.

I settled into my apartment well, and a few days later found myself sitting in the sparse room with little to do. It was still light out, so I shrugged my shoulders and went exploring. As long as it was still light and people still milled about the streets, I was safe.

Everything was bright and alive in Seoul. The apartment wasn't too far from SKY university, which I was thankful for. Seoul National University, one of the branches, would be my destination. I made sure to snag my sketchbook on the way out the door; maybe I'd find some inspiration.

The sun was bright overhead on campus, with some students milling about here and there. Summer classes were coming to an end soon, I assumed. According to the university calendar, it was just before final exam week. I found a spot under a shady tree and just watched. Sometimes I drew a sight that caught my eye - an affectionate couple, a stern businesswoman on her phone - but mostly I just watched. It was all calm, serene... Nothing here could harm me.

"Excuse me, miss?"

"What?!" I blurted out, jumping and snapping my gaze left.

"Ahh, I thought you were a foreigner," a man stood near me, smiling broadly. His hair was star white, and eyes an almost off-putting shade of cerulean. Despite the unnatural coloring, he looked as Korean as the rest. He wore a jacket, off the shoulder and revealing an intricate tattoo on his right arm, which held a stack of flyers. The man was handsome, but I'd learned that looks mean little when it comes to character. He held one out to me and I took it without thinking, "Do you speak Korean?"

"Oh sorry, yeah-" I stammered, looking anywhere but at the man. Something unsettled me about him, but I brushed those feelings aside. I was starting over here, and had to remind myself that not everyone was out to hurt me. Not all men were  _him_ , "Yes, I speak Korean."

"And well too, for an American," the man's smiled widened, almost taking a childlike, creepy edge to it. I started to speak, but he cut me off, "I could tell from your accent."

"Oh," I hadn't even had to ask how he knew I was American. I looked away, down at the paper. It was a flyer advertising something called Mint Eye. There was one or two words I'd need to look up in my translator, but it looked like some sort of wellness group?

"I'm with Mint Eye, a campus club. We're passing around some information on meetings for next term, and...ahh, there it is!" He fished in his jacket pocket for something; a small business card with a QR code on it, reading 'Mystic Messenger's in big, bold letters, "Since you're a foreigner, you might like this app. It's for chatting with nearby students and the like, to help you get acquainted."

I took it, equal parts curious and a little perturbed, "Thank you, Mr...?"

"Well, see you around!" The man smiled again, still with that off-putting edge, and left.

I stared down at the flyer and card, a little confused. Sometimes random people on the streets or at campuses back home would hand things out like this, so it really wasn't as odd as it looked. As I watched him weave through the crowds in the distance, the man did stop and hand the flyer to a couple other students, including someone who stood out quite a bit with his shock of bright blonde hair. I couldn't tell if he gave them Mystic Messenger app codes too. I turned back to my own flyer as the blonde dumped his in a nearby trash can. It looked innocent enough, and I  _did_  want to start fresh, make some new friends here, but...

No. Wasn't that what got me in this situation in the first place? Being 'sociable'?

I scowled and crumpled the paper, stuffing it and the card in my shoulder bag. I was in Korea to focus, study, and cleanse myself of my life in the States. Of what happened to me there. Falling into the same pitfalls as before wouldn't help.

Yet an hour later, my eyes drifted back to my bag. If it was just a messenger app... What was the harm? It's not like anything bad could come of an anonymous app. As log as your careful with your information online, generally things turn out alright. Maybe I could get some tips on improving my Korean, or sights to see around the country. I scowled again and stood, looking up at the slight orange tint of the sky. Time to head home before it got dark.

* * *

I made it back with just enough time to spare. The sky was a deep purple now, with specks and flashes of a violent red-orange on the horizon. I watched it from the safety of my small balcony. Memorizing the colors, so I could paint them later. But my paints were still packed up, in the remaining boxes that hadn't arrived from back home. I smiled, remembering my mother's tearful promise to send the first care package at the end of the week.

Since that was off the table, I settled on practicing my belly dancing, since I didn't have floorspace prepared to practice other styles yet and it would be rather rude to my new neighbors to practice violin in the middle of the night. So I donned tight leggings, my coin skirt, and a crop top, making sure to dance facing the large mirror I'd bought my first day in Korea just for this purpose. I twisted and swayed to soothing music, working on muscle isolation and hip work until I ached and was covered in a sheen of sweat. I debated taking a shower, but the time caught my eye. Fifteen minutes to midnight. I sighed; I'd danced so long? Well, a good night's rest was never my strong suit to begin with. I'd just shower in the morning.

I snatched my phone off the coffee table and set my alarms for the morning. But once I was done, I hesitated, remembering that man from earlier. I fished out the card with the QR code and stared at it. Plain and white, save for the black code and that name. Mystic Messenger, in both English and Korean. I bit my lip, torn between throwing it away and scanning it. What if it caused my phone to download a virus? I pulled out the flyer from before; it  _looked_  legit...

I tossed the card back on the coffee table. I'd think about it tomorrow.

Yet I stopped in the doorway of my bedroom, and looked back. I was still worrying my lip, clutching my phone in one hand. I looked from it to the card and back maybe a half dozen times before groaning.

Whether the man was creepy or not didn't seem to matter. My curiosity got the better of me and I raced over, snatched up the card, and scanned it with my phone's QR app. A message popped up asking if I wanted to download Mystic Messenger, and I agreed. A strange giddiness erupted in my belly, kind of like when I was a kid about to do something naughty.

The app interface was clean and all in Korean. Email, messages, call, chat room... So the functionality was kind of like Skype? I tried to click on the messages and call features, but quickly found the only one that worked was the chat room function. Maybe I needed to add people, or friend them or something first? So I clicked, seeing only one room with no one there. I raised an eyebrow and sighed. So much for that.

I was about to change into pajamas when my phone went off. It was now a few minutes to midnight, and I really  _was_  tired, but I picked it up anyway. It was a notification from that app. I looked at the clock again, figured why not, and clicked on it.

A chat room opened up, with myself and someone with the username 'Unknown'.

 **[Unknown]:**  ... Hello...?

 **[Aya]:**  Um... Hi?

 **[Unknown]:**  Can you see this?

 **[Aya]:**  ...yes...?

 **[Unknown]:**  ... Finally connected. Thank god. It's not every day you get a text from a stranger.

I chuckled a bit at that. Wasn't that the point of a messenger app, talking to people?

 **[Unknown]:**  I'm a bit flustered myself. I found a smartphone at the subway station, but all it had was this messenger app. I want to find the owner, but I don't see any contact info or call records… I've been sending messages with this app but no reply… All I see is an address and some important-looking numbers saved in notes. I'd like to go there but I'm currently abroad…

I raised an eyebrow at that. Skype could easily message across countries, sure. I guessed this app really was a lot like Skype, then. But what was this person getting at? I kind of felt bad for them; at least they were trying to return the phone, and not stealing it or anything. I sighed and typed a reply; I wanted to help, but I really didn't know how.

 **[Aya]:**  I am sorry... if you are in another country, I do not know if I can help. I just got this app today. Who are you?

 **[Unknown]:**  Me? Oh sorry. I didn't even introduce myself. I'm just… a student studying abroad. I'm Korean. I could tell you my name, but it doesn't really matter. You won't find me on search engines ^^; But, anyways… Can you help me find the owner of this phone? I know you're surprised to have somebody suddenly pop up and ask you a favor like this. But still… I'd appreciate it if you could help.

My hands stilled on the phone. Alarm bells were going off in my head. Help a stranger find the owner of a phone? Every word of this was getting more suspicious, but... I still kind of wanted to help. But only if it was legit. I looked out the sliding door to the balcony. It was very dark. I couldn't go out when it was so dark out. Anyone could sneak up on me then, attack me, follow me, or worse. I looked down at the card. Was this all some kind of set-up?

 **[Unknown]:**  ... you still there?

 **[Aya]:**  Yeah... I do not think I can help. I may not be anywhere near the owner. To be honest, this is a little creepy...

 **[Unknown]:**  Creepy?...^^; I'm not a creep. Haven't you ever heard of The saying 'you get a treat if you listen to older men'.

 **[Aya]:**  No...;;

 **[Unknown]:**  Sorry I was just kidding ^^;;; Anyways… I know I'm asking too much. You might think I'm odd. ...i am a bit odd to be honest. But would you consider it? I'm talking to you right now. Two complete strangers at two completely different places… it's a miracle we've connected. No one responded to my messages. You're the first one. I don't know how we got connected… But maybe this was meant to be?

A picture popped into the chat. He looked normal enough; black hair, green eyes, a small smile. Just some kid. He seemed pretty desperate, which was odd. If there was so little on the phone, then it probably wasn't important. I chuckled; maybe it was a burner phone or something?

 **[Unknown]:**  That is me in the photo. Maybe this will make you less suspicious…? I'm returning to Korea soon, so I'll definitely make it up to you. If you feel unsafe near the place, you can just delete the app. Please I'm begging you.

I sighed. He really did sound desperate. I knew better than to trust people, even those who looked kind and nice like this guy. But still, if it really was legit, I could look at the address first and then make my decision.

 **[Aya]:**  Alright, I guess. Only if the owner's place is nearby, because it is late and dark out. What is the address?

 **[Unknown]:**  Thank you! Then I'll send you the address. Now how do you do that... Found it!

A link popped up in the chat. It went to a Google Maps search that led to a place in Seoul. My eyes widened, and I looked between the address and the map with a slack jaw. No way... it was right under me! An apartment only one floor down! Now only that, but judging from the number, it was  _literally_  the one underneath me!

 **[Aya]:**  Wow. Um... this is weird. The address is right near me.

 **[Unknown]:**  Really? So, will you go?

I drew in a slow breath. It still seemed really sketchy. Like,  _really_  sketchy. I bit my lip, chewing a bit as a ball of anxiety knotted in my stomach. It was super close, but that didn't really help too much. Sure, I wouldn't have to go out in the dark and it would only take like... 5 minutes, if that, to check, but... I ran a hand through my long, wavy hair and sighed. This was a weird start to my first semester in Korea. I looked out the window again. At least I didn't need to go outside in the dark, and no one would really jump me in the middle of a hallway of a well kept apartment building full of people.

 **[Unknown]:**  You there?

 **[Aya]:** Sorry, I was deciding. Yes, I will go.

I stuffed the phone in the waistband of my leggings, between it and my coin skirt. No point in changing, since it was only a floor down. Once I found the correct apartment, I looked down. There was an electronic pin pad underneath the knob, just like on my own apartment. Maybe I could leave a note or something? My phone went off again, and I saw a new message from Unknown.

 **[Unknown]:**  Are you there? ^^ See. Nothing strange.

Nothing strange except how he happened to message me the second I got to the door. I raised an eyebrow and looked around; I was alone in the hall. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I gulped. This was a terrible idea. A terrible, terrible idea. I turned around from the door, intent on going right back to my room and taking my anti-anxiety medication, when my phone went off again.

 **[Unknown]:**  Is there a password lock on the door?

How did he know that? My hands started to shake, making it hard to reply.

 **[Aya]:**  Yes.

 **[Unknown]:**  I'll send you the digits. Try it.

 **[Aya]:**  Wait, how do you have the pass code to the door if you are in a different country and do not know the owner?

 **[Unknown]:**  It was on a notepad doc on the phone, along with other passwords for FB, YT, and such. Owner's probably gonna need to change them all after this.

He sent a number code. I could feel my anxiety bubbling up again. There was still no one in the hall, no light under the door. No one answered when I knocked, either. This was really, really bizarre. I don't know what possessed me to do it, but I punched in the code after a good minute of stalling. I noticed my hands were shaking again. I drew in a deep breath. No one was home.

 **[Aya]:**  The door's open.

 **[Unknown]:**  Good. Why don't you go inside?

I blinked. What was with this guy?

 **[Aya]:** I cannot just enter a strangers' apartment. I can leave a note on the door.

 **[Unknown]:**  Sure. I'll give you my info. If something happens, you can just show my messages. That'll do.

 **[Aya]:**  Okay... I guess.

I stepped into the apartment, just over the threshold to write the note, when my phone went off three times in quick succession. I looked down at the chat room, confused.

 **[Unknown]:**  Th

 **[Unknown]:**  Ank

 **[Unknown]:**  You...

I stared at my phone, miffed at the odd broken typing. This guy was beyond weird, but whatever... A moment later, I realized he'd logged out of the chat room without giving me his information, and I was kicked back to the app chatroom hub, only this time there was a chat going on with people and nothing was grayed out. I started to hyperventilate, looking this way and that, willing myself to stay calm and not bolt for my bedroom. There was no one here, I told myself. No one was about to jump me. Dear gods, this was a terrible idea.

The sheer amount of messages drew my gaze back to my phone, even though every cell in my body was screaming for me to run. Then I blinked. And blinked again. Just a normal room; some kid with blonde haired avatar talking about failing his midterms, getting teased by a couple others. Talk about nepotism and recruitment, then...

 **[707]:**  Wait!

 **[Yoosung ]:**  Why?

 **[ZEN]:**  ?

 **[707]:**  Think someone entered the chat room;;

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Aya...?

I yelped and dropped my phone. It clanged against the metal floor piece in the doorway and flipped onto the carpet. Scrambling, I snatched it up but stayed on the ground, feeling weak in the knees. This feeling, deep in my chest. I was supposed to stay calm, stay away from things that could cause an attack. Oh gods. Oh gods. Oh gods. What was going on?

Without me actively looking at the chat, my phone kept going off. I flipped it over and clicked on the room; dropping the phone probably closed the app. I was being accused of being... a hacker? And that 707 person was... looking me up? I paled, taking shallow breaths and trying to keep myself from a full blown panic attack. All the calmness from earlier was gone. But it still looked like a normal chat room, even if some serious misunderstanding was going on.

 **[Aya]:**  ... Hello...

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Gahhh it's talking! In... English?

I blinked. My phone touch screen had switched back to English when I'd dropped it too, it seems. That's what I get for having a program that lets me easily switch, it seems. As I switched it back, the chatroom was going on about me being in someone named Rika's apartment. So that's who owned this place... and the owner of Unknown's found phone? I wanted to laugh; if there ever was a phone in the first place. Then my eyes settled onto 707's words. He tracked my IP? And they were calling  _me_  a hacker? Then the thought struck me.

They knew exactly where I was. And could be calling the police any second.

I started hyperventilating, and though my legs still felt stiff and weak, I pushed myself up. Clinging to the doorjamb for a second, I tried to stay calm. Closed the door, locked it again... and bolted back for my apartment. I could feel the tightness in my chest, the anxiety building to a fever pitch... and then I was in. I slammed the door closed behind me and slid down it, throwing the lock in case anyone came after me. There was no one in the hall, Aya. Calm down. Calm...

But it wasn't working.

My phone was still going off. I nearly chucked it across the room and cried, but stopped. Their language... they genuinely seemed okay. Unlike that last person... the 'Unknown' guy...

I sniffed, closed my eyes, and gulped. Keeping the anxiety locked back where it belonged, I typed.

 **[Aya]:**  I am sorry. I am Aya. Who are you all, and what is this chatroom? I am so confused...

 **[707]:**  Lol so awkward. I thought it was a computer talking.

 **[ZEN]:**  Seems more normal than I thought.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  What were you thinking?

 **[ZEN]:**  ... Nothing~ Nothing.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Should we... introduce ourselves?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Are you serious...?

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  I think it is a bit too early for that.

 **[ZEN]:**  Hi. I'm Zen. (24 years old) Musical actor... Don't look me up on the internet. It's embarrassing.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  ZEN, you're so brave!

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Guess he wanted to show himself off.

 **[ZEN]:**  No way~!

Why in the world would I look him up on the internet...? I was about to type a reply when a picture of a man graced the chatroom. He was looking offscreen, both hands free of the phone so it was probably an old picture. White hair that made me picture the man from today, the one who gave me the card in the first place. But that was the only similarity. This man had bright red eyes, pale skin, and a sort of easy nonchalance about him. He was very attractive.  _Very_  attractive. Not that such things really mattered to me, at least not anymore. Looks mean nothing if the person underneath is evil.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Omg... a photo too.

The others began introducing themselves as well. Yoosung Kim, a student. Jaahee Kang, assistant to Jumin Han, the heir to a famous corporation. Something about him being obsessed with his cat... coupled with a rather adorable picture of a dark-haired and stern-looking man with a white cat, then later the red-headed 707 with the same cat in a black and white photo. 707, also known as Luciel, the hacker that was currently trying to... ferret out my information. I gulped, wondering what he would find. A lot, if he knew my name. Even more, if he could really hack. The news articles never mentioned me by name, but still... I whimpered, running a hand down my face, trying to stay calm. I was safe here, safe in my apartment. I looked back at my phone after a minute of calming myself. They'd just been talking about the cat.

 **[ZEN]:**  True. Aya, how did you get in here?

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Is it really Rika's apartment?

 **[707]:**  Yup. It's for sure... How did it get the apartment password?!

 **[ZEN]:**  Where the hell is the apartment?

 **[Aya]:**  Excuse me, I am not an 'it'. Someone gave me a card with a QR code to download a messenger app when I was on campus today, and when I downloaded it, someone named 'Unknown' said he found a lost phone with this app on it and asked me to find the owner. The address was right below my-

I cut myself off and hit backspace quickly, ending the message a bit differently before I gave myself away. IP tracing would only get them so close to me, and I wasn't in the apartment anymore so probably shouldn't just tell these strangers where I was.

 **[Aya]:**  Excuse me, I am not an 'it'. Someone gave me a card with a QR code to download a messenger app when I was on campus today, and when I downloaded it, someone named 'Unknown' said he found a lost phone with this app on it and asked me to find the owner. It was close, so I went to leave a note for the owner for this 'Unknown'.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Chatting with a stranger. How naive.

My eyebrow twitched, but the chat kept going on so I let the comment slide.

 **[ZEN]:**  So cute lol. Went to an address from a chatting app lolol.

I couldn't help it, I blushed. So this one was probably the flirt of the group. Calling someone cute before even seeing them, flashing a selfie almost immediately... I would have rolled my eyes if this whole thing hadn't left me feeling so anxious.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Don't listen to strangers~ The world is dangerous.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  I agree.

 **[707]:**  Wait. Do u have that person's username or chat record?

 **[Aya]:**  Yes, let me pull it up.

I backed out of the chat room, but it was gone. The messages from 'Unknown', the links with the password and address, all of it. Come to think of it, the chatroom with 'Unknown' had a background of code, unlike the other room. I logged back into the chat and typed;

 **[Aya]:**  ... the record was erased. His username was 'Unknown'. He had black hair and green eyes in the picture he sent to try and prove he was not creepy, but I do not know if it was a legitimate picture...

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  You type really formally.

 **[Aya]:**  I am sorry. Korean is not my first language, it is my third.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Ehhhh?! A foreigner? You said you were on a campus... :O SKY?! A foreign exchange student?!

I gulped. The kid was sharp. 707 kept digging, trying to find some sort of information on 'Unknown' or me I supposed. Zen called everyone dumb, earning him some teasing. It was Jaehee who told everyone to calm down. I figured she - I could tell from her profile photo she was a girl - was probably the dependable one of the group.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Who do you think that 'Unknown' person is?

 **[707]:**  Maybe... *shocked emoji* A hacker?!

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  !

 **[707]:**  A hacker! No way. I have everything covered! Hey, Aya. So he told you the password for the door lock?

 **[Aya]:**  Yes.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  I see... That 'Unknown' person could have dragged you into this.

 **[707]:**  Since you got it off a QR code, I can't really trace whoever gave it to you...

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  I think it would be a good idea to contact V.

 **[707]:**  Yeah. I think that's a good idea. I'll call and explain everything.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  I can call.

 **[707]:**  Already on it lol

 **[ZEN]:**  Fast.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Seven seems to talk to V pretty often.

I took in a deep breath. The beating of my heart was slowing, I was calming down. Anxiety attack averted. I was safe in my apartment, no one was coming after me again. I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I looked back in the chat, someone new was there.

 **[707]:**  V's coming here soon. He just hung up.

 **[V]:**  I'm already logged in.

 **[707]:**  Oh, V! You're here ^_^

 **[ZEN]:**  Finally he's here.

 **[V]:**  Yeah. I guess I'm the last one to know about this.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Oh well.

 **[V]:**  How is everyone? Jaehee, you've been well?

They all said hi to V for a moment before going back to the topic at hand. About how I knew this Rika's apartment password, that I was still there - I didn't tell them I wasn't. About how no one was allowed to go to the apartment, and only 707 and V knew where it was. That V actually owned it, but he respected this Rika's privacy... that 707's real name was Luciel Choi. Yoosung made a comment about me staying in the apartment, and I chuckled a bit at that. Staying in a stranger's apartment, really? Then came the real kicker, when I felt my heart drop to my feet.

 **[V]:**  If I am right. Aya being at her apartment right now... Rika must have wanted that.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Rika called in a complete stranger from up in the sky?

Up in the sky.  _Up in the sky_. I was just standing in a dead woman's apartment. I hadn't the time or mental clarity to look around, but how long had it all just been sitting there? Was it a recent death? And someone all these people knew...

"What was this Unknown person thinking...?" I shook my head, sighing again. I got the feeling I would be doing that a lot.

 **[V]:**  Rika wanted someone to do the work she did before. At the place she worked before.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  What...?

 **[ZEN]:**  No way...

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  The work Rika did before...

 **[707]:**  Hosting parties?

 **[ZEN]:**  You mean Rika's party.

Between the six of them, they explained it all to me. I got the sense that they didn't trust me, and when I asked them to explain, they told me about the RFA. How they hosted charity parties where rich, powerful, and charitable people, organizations, and such would get together to raise money. V would sometimes sell his photography, how this Rika was such an amazing person. Yoosung even included a picture of her. Long, wavy blonde hair, straight-laced but cute look... she was really beautiful. Both her a Jaehee... hell, all of them were. I suddenly felt really small. For the first time, as they were explaining, I peeled myself away from the door. My computer was still on from when I was playing music to dance to earlier, so I looked them up. Sure enough, the organization was real, and like the chat said, hadn't had a party in two years. I saw pictures of the members in various party photos and articles, matching them up to what was on their profiles on the Mystic Messenger app. They all matched.

It was all legit.

I sank back down into my tiny couch and looked back at the chat. They were begging me not to talk too much about Rika, since it was someone they cared about who died. I could understand that. But then they started discussing me taking over for her in planning these charity events...

 **[V]:**  Everything that you have to do... will be linked with this app installed on your phone.

 **[Aya]:**  What do you mean?

 **[707]:**  This app program is not just a simple messenger. All the party related emails in Rika's computer will be transferred to this app. U'll be able to automatically receive the guests' information as well. And send personal messages to other members...

 **[V]:**  Then there's no need for Alicia to touch Rika's old things.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  All Alicia has to do is use this app.

 **[Aya]:**  What? Take over for your... passed friend? I do not know...

 **[V]:**  Give it some thought. The way Luciel has it set up, all you'd really be doing is messaging through this app. Answering some emails a few times a day, getting suggestions for invites from these guys, etc.

 **[Aya]:**  I... I am not sure...

 **[V]:**  It's up to you. Jumin.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  ?

 **[V]:**  Please take care of things for me.

 **[Jumin Han]:**  ... Alright.

\- V has left the chatroom. -

 **[707]:**  ... V's gone.

 **[ZEN]:**  Yup. What's he so busy with?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  None of your business.

 **[707]:**  Anyways, let's do what V said. Aya, u can log into this chatroom from time to time right? Please log in at times and do what Rika did. All u have to do is use the features in this app. Most of it is just checking emails. Most of the emails will be about people who want to attend the party.

 **[ZEN]:**  Yup. And come chat with us regularly.

 **[Aya]:**  So you can... give me the information of potential party... people? I am sorry, I do not know the right phrasing in Korean...

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Party-goers or party attendees is fine.

 **[Aya]:**  Thank you. I am sorry, this is all a lot to take in.

I took another deep breath and just came out and said it.

 **[Aya]:**  I am not in Rika's apartment anymore. I got... what is the word? Spooked, and ran back to my apartment. I have only been in Korea a few days, but my apartment is very, very near Rika's. That is why I agreed to help 'Unknown' anyway."

 **[707]:**  Really~? How near is near, hmm...? *smiling emoji*

My breath hitched. If this guy was such a hacker he could background check me while talking in the chat, I wouldn't really have a chance to keep anything a secret, would I? I couldn't answer, or it would make him more curious. He seems like the type who would take an inch and stretch it to a mile. In my silence, Jumin and Jaehee started explaining things again, with the occasional comment from the others. Then;

 **[Jumin Han]:**  All we are trying to do is host parties, raise funds, gather people... and things like that. Our organization has done a lot of good so far. ... You will never regret joining.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  I thought Jumin was against her. Why the sudden change?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  I am only following V's decision.

A thought struck me. This... charity group, this RFA... my little noogle search gave an orgy of evidence that this all was legit. So could I... get them to donate the money to specific charities? I did a little of that work back home, with charity events at school for musicians and dancers and such, where the ticket proceeds went to places like St. Jude. I smiled, just a bit. Maybe this wasn't such a terrible thing, after all.

 **[Aya]:**  How do you decide on a charity to donate the proceeds to?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  It varies. Homeless shelters, clinics, poverty groups, it runs the gamut. We usually take into consideration what everyone in the RFA wants to donate to for that party, but usually Rika has the final decision.

 **[Aya]:**  So I could... suggest one? Even an international one?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Of course. We usually stick to Korean charities, but we've supported plenty of international ones too.

My smile widened. From my search, they'd raised millions for charity already. I could help people like me. People who've had the... difficulties I've had. Unbidden, a memory flashed in front of my eyes. Hands reaching for me, throwing me here and there,  _touching_  me in places  _no one_ should be touching. Doing things to me without my permission. Keeping me in the dark, locked away, only for  _him_...

There was a long list of messages by the time I went back to the chat. Asking if I'd fallen asleep or something. I shook those dark thoughts from my head and sighed.

 **[Aya]:**  Sorry I... spaced out there.

 **[707]:**  Don't pass out just yet, leave that for the paaaaaarteehhh!

 **[Aya]:**  I will do it. I have done some charity work back in America.

 **[ZEN]:**  Oooh, an American~~ Keep yourself healthy, Ms. America. No spacing out if we're gonna plan another party~

 **[707]:**  lololol Zen. I'm gonna peace out.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Well, since she has joined, I think everyone can leave if they need to.

 **[ZEN]:**  Yeah?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Hmm. Let me check my schedule...

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Okay.

 **[707]:**  Anyways, welcome Aya.

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  Welcome! Good luck to us.

 **[ZEN]:**  Glad you joined, Aya ^^

 **[Jumin Han]:**  We'll see how you do.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  For now, I look forward to working with you.

\- Jumin Han has left the chatroom. -

 **[ZEN]:**  Oh- By the way. I had a good dream last night. I think I saw you there- Or not. Bye~!

\- ZEN, 707, Jaehee Kang, and Yoosung have left the chatroom. -

I stared at the empty chatroom for a good long while. This was... bizarre, to say the least. The silence of my apartment met me as I thought over everything that had just happened. Looking at the time, it was only about fifteen minutes. It felt like ages, from installing the app to this 'Unknown' to everything else. I wasn't sure if all this would turn out to be a good thing, or a bad one. I'd come to Korea hoping to get away from everything, to help keep my anxiety down and keep myself as far away from  _him_  as possible. Helping coordinate a charity party with a group of stranger's on a messaging app that I got from a QR code from another stranger at my new campus...?

I sighed, deep and heavily. What had I gotten myself into?

* * *

**Author's Note:**  That's probably the only time I'll mostly word-for-word the in-game chats. There just wasn't too good of a way to do it otherwise. Most of the rest will be original writing, with smatterings of the in-game stuff. Gonna stick to mostly Zen-route stuff, with later bits of the rest all culminating together, etc. etc. Gotta add my own flare, after all, especially because with fanfic I'm not stuck to just the responses programmed into the game :P


	2. Late Night Lullaby

**Disclaimer:**  Not owned by me. Phantom of the Opera is amazing~

 **Note:**  English is underlined.

* * *

Chapter One

**Late Night Lullaby**

_"Oh, my love will fly to you each night on angels' wings. Godspeed, sweet dreams"_

_\- Radney Foster_

* * *

I awoke the next day to my phone buzzing. Groaning, I rolled over to smack it, but it wasn't my alarm. It was notifications from the Mystic Messenger app. I really needed to go through the settings and fix that so my phone wasn't going over every second... I saw a couple ridiculously early morning chats I'd missed, and a short welcome one I'd been in just after accepting this... Deal? Job? I didn't rightly know  _what_  to call it.

Seeing Zen and Jumin in chat, I rolled over in bed and started typing.

 **[Aya]:** Good morning Hyun. Good morning, Jumin.

 **[Jumin]:** Ahh, good morning Aya. Have you eaten?

I glanced at the time. It was nearly 8am, and I wanted to laugh. I usually wasn't out of bed until noon on days where I didn't have classes, probably from my penchant of staying up to 3am from insomnia.

 **[Aya]:** Not yet. I just woke up.

 **[Jumin]:** I see... Make sure you get something to eat soon.

I rolled my eyes. Was immediately asking someone about their eating habits a Korean thing? Skipping meals wasn't generally a new thing to me, though I was always careful to get enough not to totally deplete myself after dancing.

As I was typing my question, Zen asked;

 **[ZEN]:**... Hyun? No one calls me Hyun.

I raised an eyebrow and deleted my question. That could wait.

 **[Aya]:** Your name is Hyun, right?

 **[ZEN]:**  Yeah, but Zen's my stage name. Everyone calls me Zen. Is your real name really Aya?

 **[Aya]:** Of course it is. If Luciel was here, he could confirm that, with all the background checks he is probably doing.

 **[ZEN]:** I don't think he's actually doing that.

 **[Jumin]:** Yes he is.

 **[ZEN]:** *shocked emoji* Really?!

Before the conversation derailed completely, I cut in;

 **[Aya]:** I am sorry. I prefer using real names. There is something... distancing about nicknames and stage names and fake names. If you prefer, I will call you Zen.

 **[ZEN]:**  No, it's okay... coming from a cutie like you.

I dropped my phone; it smacked into my night table on the way down. With a strangled yell, I lunged for it, only to get tangled up in my blankets. I slipped, tumbling to the hardwood floor. Groaning, I snatched up the phone and - bleary-eyed - typed;

 **[Aya]:**  I am not a 'cute' person. You don't even know what I look like.

Then, realizing my mistake, I groaned again. The phone has reverted back to English again. Still from my haphazard place on the floor, I typed again;

 **[Aya]:**  What I mean is... that is...

 **[Jumin Han]:**  You've made the newcomer flustered, Zen. *sighing emoji*

 **[ZEN]:**  Oh really~? *heart emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  I am not flustered!

 **[ZEN]:**  Sure you aren't, jagiya~ *hearts*

 **[Aya]:**  Omg... *sigh*

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Zen, must you flirt with everything that moves?

 **[ZEN]:**  I can't help it. I'm single, and she's no doubt beautiful~

 **[Aya]:**  You do not even know what I look like!

The conversation went on like that for a good while. I didn't even realize Jumin had left the room and with him, the ability to answer my question about when I'd start getting emails. I decided to throw Luciel a text instead. The chat was still open, and  _that man_  was still pulling his whole narcissistic schtick. Could he seriously not take a hint? I am not pretty, I am not cute, and I am certainly not worth the time or effort. Especially for someone of his budding fame.

Yes, I looked Zen up on noogle. So sue me. The RFA members mentioned his fame more than once, so how could I not? I was taking every kernel of knowledge they let slip and cross-reference it, digging online, doing my own amateur background checks... They didn't completely trust me, of course, but the feeling went both ways. I'd learned talk was cheap a long time ago.

Then I found the video. Luciel mentioned it in the chat, so I looked it up. This insane viral video of Zen's that propelled him to budding stardom. As I clicked play late in the night on that first day, I thought it would be some audition piece.

It was beautiful. The lighting was so that Zen glowed, his pale fingers flying over the piano keys. Then, intro done, he sang. He  _sang_. I knew he was a musical actor, but dear gods... That  _voice_.

It was halfway through the video that the first tear fell. A hand leapt to my throat and I choked. I felt hot and cold all at once, eyes wide as I watched the majesty of this man's musical talents. I missed it. Oh by the gods, how I missed it. But I couldn't. I couldn't do that anymore. The mere thought of singing brought me back to  _that place_. And I couldn't, or whatever pieces of myself it'd managed to haphazardly glue back together would only shatter again.

My throat tightened. My pulse quickened, heart beating a staccato in my chest so hard I though it would burst from the fear.

Did the room get darker? All I could see was the light from my computer play as Zen kept singing.

I didn't finish the video. I shut down the computer, pulled the plug, and tossed my phone aside.

It was nearly a full day before I used the Messenger again.

* * *

Very late the next day, I finally retrieved my phone from the corner. I hadn't left bed all day. Hadn't eaten, hadn't showered... I looked like a haystack pile of unwashed brown hair and pale skin. Like some banshee, or a demon.

Dozens of messages waited me, and a couple... Emails? I froze, remembering how I'd wanted to ask about those yesterday, bit never got the chance. Thankfully Jaehee had left a long note on how to reply. I booted up my computer and, feeling a bit sheepish at ignoring the messenger to wallow in my self pity, set right to work. It wasn't too hard. I had access to Rika's old emails and files as well, and they helped me craft email responses to potential party goers. Some noogle searching told me more about the different groups or individuals so I could gear my responses towards getting a 'yes' from them. I did the work from my desktop after a quick message to Luciel to make sure it was okay. I didn't want to work in the apartment of a dead woman, especially since V so obviously didn't like me touching her things to begin with.

I checked the app near midnight, when the emails had slowed to a halt. I'd mostly messaged older groups, those who'd already been to RFA parties in the past. Seemed like the best place to start. Zen was in the chat room, along with Jaehee. I swallowed a bubble of jealousy, remembering that lovely voice of his from the video. With a long, deep breath, I let those feelings go. I couldn't dwell on them. It would bring me back to  _that place_.

 **[Aya]:**  Hello, Hyun. Jaehee.

 **[ZEN]:**  Ah, the newcomer arrives! I was beginning to think you'd forgotten about me!

I sighed. This man was really going to prove to be too much for me.

 **[Aya]:**  Sorry. I did not sleep well last night, so ended up sleeping all day instead.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Did you get my message?

 **[Aya]:**  Yes, thank you. Just finished sending off a large batch of emails to the list of regulars that I found in Rika's files, the ones Luciel let me access.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  ... all of them? Very diligent of you.

 **[Aya]:**  Thank you. I have some experience with coordinating group activities. I helped run student government at my previous university.

 **[ZEN]:**  Ahh, right. The beautiful foreign exchange student~

 **[Aya]:**  Again, Hyun... you don't even know what I look like. I am using the default profile picture.

 **[ZEN]:**  Imagination, jagiya *heart emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  *sighing emoji*

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Excuse me, I have some emails of my own that need answering.

 **[Aya]:**  Goodnight, Jaehee.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Goodnight.

\- Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom -

Feeling a little uncomfortable being alone with Zen in the chatroom, I stood up. Leaving my phone on the coffee table, I went to take my coin skirt and shirt from the closet. At least I could get some practice in before going back to bed. Sure, I'd only been awake a few hours... but sleeping a lot was what I did. Or, more accurately, laying in bed unable to sleep but equally unable to find the energy to get up.

With those dark thoughts, I returned and set up my computer to play music. A nice, traditional Korean tune I'd found on YouTube. I was in the country, so I might as well practice dancing to it's music. But before I could start, my phone caught my eyes. A few messages from Zen, in the chatroom I'd left on.

 **[ZEN]:**  I don't know if you saw, but I got a new role~! Super excited about it. I'm practicing my lines right now. I know it's late, but I don't sleep all  _that_  much. Practicing my lines into the early hours is sort of what I do. *smiling emoji*

I looked down at the coin skirt I was fastening around my hips. Just like me. With a small smile I replied, even though it'd been a few minutes. He was still in the chatroom, at least.

 **[Aya]:**  Sorry, I was getting ready to practice too.

 **[ZEN]:**  Eh?! *shocked emoji* Are you an actor too?!

 **[Aya]:**  No, um... a dancer. And a musician. An artist, really.

I didn't know why I told him. Maybe it was the small hope of finding a kindred spirit here, with a love for art of all kinds. I couldn't help but smile again at his enthusiasm.

 **[ZEN]:**  Ahh, better and better! I'm a dancer myself; already told you I'm a musical theatre actor. Well, mostly. *smiling emoji* What's your style? Waltz, modern? I mostly practice theatre dancing, given my job, but I do a beautiful tango... especially with a partner. *heart emoji*

I rolled my eyes.

 **[Aya]:**  A few styles, mainly belly dance and modern. Um... I am about to practice the... um... I am sorry, I do not know the Korean words, but it is called the Tribal Fusion style of belly dance. If you look up the dancer Irina Akulenko on YouTube, you can get an idea of it. I used to do a lot of tango and ballroom, but both usually require a partner and I... prefer dancing on my own.

 **[ZEN]:**  Well, if you ever need a partner... *winking emoji*

How did I know he was going to say that? I sighed. It had been a good few years since I could bring myself to stand up with a male partner. I'd managed it with my female dancing friends back in the States, but dancing with a male? It made me shiver and brought dark thoughts to my mind. But, wanting to keep the peace and not give too much away, I decided to play along.

 **[Aya]:**  Hah, maybe one of these days casanova.

 **[ZEN]:** What's that word mean?

 **[Aya]:**  Tell me what jagiya means and I will.

There was no answer, so I assumed he was busy and finished clearing out room, and started the music. It was calm and soothing, perfect for practicing isolation and slower choreography. I needed to keep my body in perfect shape if I wanted to succeed in classes. Even though my mind was in pieces... my body wouldn't be. Ever again. Before I could begin, I caught his answer.

 **[ZEN]:**  ... you really don't know what jagiya means? I would've thought you'd have looked it up, then.

Normally, yes. But my good translator was still packed somewhere, and I just hadn't thought of noogling it yet. I typed as much in the chatroom.

 **[ZEN]:**  Ahh, well I don't know the equivalent word in English. I only know a few words of your language, myself. Mostly thing's I've picked up from roles. It's a term of endearment.

Before I could butt in and ask exactly what  _that_  meant, he went on;

 **[ZEN]:**  You mentioned music too; I know some piano myself, and obviously singing. What do you play?

 **[Aya]:**  A few. Piano and violin, mainly. I used to sing, but not anymo- ghjks

I froze. He didn't need to know that. No one needed to know that, because if they knew, they'd ask why. Panicking a little, I smashed the back button on my phone... only for it to register as 'send' in my haste. I stilled, sucking in a breath and squeezing my eyes shut. Heart palpating, fluttering in my chest as anxiety coursed through me. I opened one eye, slowly, halfway, when my phone vibrated with a reply.

 **[ZEN]:**  You obviously didn't mean to send that, so I won't ask why. I would love to hear you play piano or violin though. *smiling emoji*

I stared at my phone in shock. Anyone I met back home who didn't already knew, always asked why. And here was this man, who I'd not actually met, acknowledging that but also letting it slide anyway. They always... pressed back home. I was known for my voice, for my playing, who when I started refusing to sing, and after everything happened, there were always questions. My eyes felt strangely misty, and I blinked multiple times before replying.

 **[Aya]:**  ... thank you.

 **[ZEN]:**  Of course *smiling emoji* I always love talking to a fellow artist~

 **[Aya]:**  I would play for you and the rest, but I cannot. This app... will not let me send video or photo, except for my profile picture.

 **[ZEN]:**  Huh, weird. Do you know that each of our app's have different features? Seven made them all a bit unique for us.

 **[Aya]:**  But I did not get mine from Luciel...

 **[ZEN]:**  Yeah... you could always call me, and I'll hear you play over the phone.

I blushed. In real life, I blushed. Sure, I'd seen the call feature on the app, but I hadn't used it these last two days. Luciel had called me once, to check on the app and get more information on Unknown, and I'd missed a call from Yoosung that I was too anxious to reply to. Before I realized what I was saying, I typed back;

 **[Aya]:**  Sure, I could do that sometime, I guess.

 **[ZEN]:**  How about now?

 **[Aya]:**  W-what?

He didn't answer.

 **[Aya]:**  Hyun!

A call screen popped up, hiding the chat from view. I could see his too-handsome face staring up at me, the little dialer ringing away a cute little pre-programmed tone just for him. I dropped my phone and it clattered against the hardwood floor with a resounding thud that somehow had a sense of finality to it. I stared down at it, unblinking, and oh so torn. Do I answer? Zen was practically a stranger. All the RFA were. They'd been nice and understanding so far, and I had to remind myself - again - that the organization was well known, if secretive, and legitimate in its charity work. But this was entirely different. They'd all been 'others' at this point. With the slight exception of Luciel, I'd never actually spoken to... any of them. To hear someone's voice is to make them real. More real than anything on a messenger, or still images send over the internet, ever could. Something tugged in my chest, and I fell to my knees, hand outstretched for the phone...

The call ended. I'd waited to long.

The chatroom replaced it, empty for a long, agonizing minute before anything popped up.

 **[ZEN]:**  Oh sorry; I was a bit hasty, wasn't I?;;;

I snatched up the phone and backed out of the chat, hurriedly fumbling with the screen until I found the missed calls.

I hit the call-back button.

It rang, and rang, and rang...

_"... hello?"_

I swallowed thickly, "H-hi..." His voice was low, manly in a way, but still somehow light with a flirtatious air. Like every sentence held a hidden question or a secret want.

 _"Ah, English to start with I see... well then..."_  Zen paused,  _" The course of true love never did run smooth."_

The line had me laughing in spite of myself. It was delivered perfectly, smoothly, and with the perfect air only someone who'd played the role before could manage, "When did you play Lysander?"

 _"Ah, you know it!"_  He laughed. It was a bit higher than his normal voice. All easy and carefree; I could  _hear_  the smile on his face,  _"The company did a production of Midsummer's Night Dream about... oh, a year ago or so. I felt I should understand my passages in both the original English and the Korean translation to get a real feel for Lysander and his motivation, so took to practicing both."_

"I bet that was hard," I smiled, shifting the phone to my shoulder so I could pause the music on my computer.

 _"Very,"_ A hint of smug pride crept into his voice,  _"I needed many Korean to English dictionaries, then English to Shakespearean since, well... there's not really a Korean equivalent for thou. Not that I could find in the dictionary, at least."_

I leaned back against my couch, head resting on the cushions as I stared up at the ceiling. Such devotion to a project was... humbling, "I want to speak Korean better. Some of it is... hard. Japanese was easier."

 _"That's the first time I've heard that!"_  Another chuckle, this one lower that the first,  _"Well then, in exchange for hearing you play, I humbly offer my services in the pursuit of increased linguistic ability!"_

"... you sound like Luciel."

He gasped and my heart leaped. It was all an act, feigning hurt, and Zen followed with a hearty laugh,  _"God forbid."_

We talked for hours. About this and that, our likes and our hobbies. His allergy to cats and my asthma ( _"I'll never smoke anywhere near you then! And I am trying to quit; been a month strong so far!"_ ). How he liked more simple food and drink, like beer and kebabs, while I loved anything sweet or spicy (though not together, of course. Sweet  _and_  spicy just tasted... weird). I hadn't talked so much in months, and every Korean flub I made was greets with a gentle chuckle, a soft correction, and I  _swear_ he was winking at me on the other line. I don't know how I knew it, he just was. It was his voice.

He loved the stage, more than air, than breathing, more than life itself. In Zen's eyes, without music and dancing and the stage, there was nothing in life. I smiled at that, knowing exactly what that felt like, albeit a bit different in my case. I couldn't live without my music, my paintings, and dancing.

 _"Do you want to hear a bit of the lines I was practicing?"_  He asked,  _"It's from the Phantom of the Opera; the director's been wanting to do it for ages."_

"Oh, let me guess... you play Raoul."

 _"How did you guess?"_  There was that smile-in-his-voice tone again.

"Well, you are very handsome... and I cannot see you playing the Phantom, so..."

_"Ahh, so you think I'm handsome, jagiya?"_

"I-" Heat rushed to my cheeks. He was  _laughing_  at me,  _laughing!_  "We-well, looks are not everything, you know now!"

 _"No... but they help,"_  He said with a flirtatious edge,  _"Don't worry; I'll keep your secret. And yes, I'll be playing Raoul."_

I glanced idly towards my computer and froze. It was 2am. We'd been talking for  _four hours_ , "Wow... please tell me you do not have rehearsal in the morning."

_"Oh, I do."_

I jumped up to shut my computer down. We both needed sleep, him for his acting and me... just to sleep. Sleeping was usually a better alternative than facing life awake. At least, when my nights were dreamless, which most of them happily were. And those that weren't... robbed me of good sleep for days after, "We need to go to bed!"

I heard a strange noise on the other end. A sort of choking sound, followed by Zen clearing his throat,  _"Oh, I guess we do."_

"Well, um... goodnight Zen. Sorry I didn't play for you, though..." I looked outside at the subtle tinges of lighter blues on the horizon, "... probably wasn't the best plan anyway. I don't want to be hated by Rika's former neighbors."

 _"Ah, so you **are**  in the same apartment as her's; Seven thought so,"_ I froze, but he went on. Why did I seem to slip up so much around this man?  _"Don't worry, the only one's who know the address of Rika's apartment are Seven and V anyway."_

"Oh, um... okay," I shifted the phone to my other shoulder and removed my coin skirt. I hadn't even had the chance to practice. Setting them on my nightstand, I pulled out a plain t-shirt and baggy pajama bottoms, "Really, we should sleep."

 _"We should,"_  Zen said, but still neither of us hung up the phone.

I pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. Such an odd thing, so speak so much with someone I hardly knew. Especially given my... history. Maybe it was because he had no idea where I actually was, or what I even looked like, that calmed the anxiety. It wasn't that Zen was bad - I'd only seen evidence of good, if narcissistic, behavior - but that I knew there was no possible chance he could ever hurt me. I was safe.

 _"You didn't answer me; do you want to hear some lines?"_  He teased, chuckling as I settled down. I rolled my eyes,  _"A lullaby, perhaps?"_

I didn't even try and stifle a yawn, giving my go ahead without thinking, "Sure, Hyun."

_"Ahh, I haven't heard my birth name spoken in a long while."_

"... are you gonna sing or keep talking?"

He laughed. I was about to give up and just end the call when his melodic voice floated through the speakers. It was low, not the back-seats reaching voice from the YouTube video, but still just... beautiful. Even the slight static and robotic nature of the phone couldn't put a damper to it.

 _"No more talk of darkness; forget these wide-eyed fears~"_  My eyes slide closed, my usual ignored exhaustion getting the better of me for once. Or it was his voice, I couldn't tell,  _"I'm here, nothing can harm you. My words will warm and calm you."_  The phone slipped off my shoulder a bit, and I lazily slapped it on speaker, not wanting to put in the effort to hold it up anymore, and placed it on my nightstand. I felt myself mouthing Christine's lines to this song, having watched the movie plenty of times with my gaggle of girls in high school. But I didn't sing; I couldn't.

I started only catching brief bits of his singing as I slowly slipped into unconsciousness,  _"Let me be your shelter... let me be your light. You're safe, no one will find you. Your fears are far behind you..."_

I don't know if he said goodnight or not, because I was asleep before the end of the song. And I dreamed for once. A real dream, no nightmares involved. One of stages and costumes, of princes and beasts. By the time I woke up the next day, I was smiling.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  I debated having this take place on the fourth day instead, but eh... I feel that most people sort of gloss over the whole Day 1-4 thing anyway... it's 5+ that we REALLY love, right~? xD Anyway, I have lots of ideas on how to sort of incorporate multiple playthroughs of backstory from different characters, so yeah... Also, I really like Phantom. So good.


	3. Overcoming Fear

**Disclaimer:**  Don't own stuff~

 **Note:**  English is typed in underline.

* * *

Chapter Two

**Overcoming Fear**

_"It's OKAY to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave."_

_\- Mandy Hale_

* * *

The next few days were a bit of a blur. The rest of my packages arrived from home, and I quickly finished settling in. There were so many emails to answer, things to prepare for this charity party, and calls and texts and my own practicing to do... it was dizzying at times. The others called more often, mainly Yoosung and Luciel, but it was Zen who called the most. Every night, both unable to sleep, we stayed up on the phone. Once, on the night of the fourth day, I played on my keyboard for him, earning a sonata from Zen on his piano. He was good at that, too. I was beginning to think he was good at everything.

I couldn't explain this, any of it. When I came to Korea, it was to get away from everything. I didn't trust easily. I'd learned my lesson. Yet, somehow, he could tease it out. It hadn't even been a week yet. We'd only talked on the phone. Yet I could feel something, in my chest. I rose to his flirts sometimes, and at others came to my senses and spurned them. I had to fight it. I  _had_  to. I couldn't get attached. It would only hurt me in the end.

_"Want to practice my lines with me, jagiya?"_

I sighed, "Hyun, I told you, I don't sing anymore."

He laughed,  _"I meant my spoken lines. There are some of the those, **Little Lotte** ~"_

And that's how I became the unwitting rehearsal partner for Zen. His excuse was, and I quote:  _"Director Eunha and the rest haven't picked an actress for Christine Daae yet. We had one, but she had to pull out because of an injury. The director is going to use a stand-in until we find someone, but it'll probably be another week or two. Most of Raoul's scenes are with Christine, so I need someone I can play off of for practice! The stand-in, well... she's not... the best. I think I could bounce my lines much better off you."_

I couldn't really argue with that logic, mostly because it made less sense and sounded more like a round about way to tell me that he just wanted to practice them with me. Would've been simpler just to say that.

On the fifth day, I rose from bed and went about an early morning violin practice, then on to dancing. Panting heavily and jingling with each step, I plopped down along the length of my couch and fished out my phone. Yoosung was in the chatroom alone at the moment.

 **[Aya]:**  Yoosung, it's early. Have you slept at all?

 **[Yoosung** **]:**  lol um... no. Well, a bit. Kinda. Sorta.

He'd tried to swear off gaming to focus more on school. The poor boy sent a selfie with deep bags under his eyes the day before, sworn off gaming, lost the baggy-eyed look... and promptly started gaming. Couldn't even make it a day without LOLOL. I chuckled a bit, rolling my eyes. Yoosung was like everyone's little brother... he reminded me of my own back home, Aaron. Granted, Aaron was only ten, so...

 **[Aya]:**  You know, if you want good grades, you need to study.

 **[Yoosung** **]:** But I can't let down my guildmates, Aya! You wouldn't understand; you don't game!

 **[Aya]:**  And how do you know that? Have you asked?

 **[Yoosung** **]:**...

I smiled, and waited.

 **[Yoosung** **]:** Aya, you game?! *shocked emoji*

 **[Aya]:** *sweatdrop emoji* Yes, Yoosung; I game.

 **[Yoosung** **]:** Oh. My. GOD! What do you play? LOLOL is an MMORPG, do you like those? I stick mostly with RPGs, but not just the MMO kind.

 **[Aya]:** Um... horror? I like Resident Evil...

 **[Yoosung** **]:** Aww, just scary stuff? So scary... *sad emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  I like some other stuff too! Um, like Final Fantasy and stuff. I have my Playstation with me in Korea, actually. It arrived yesterday.

 **[Yoosung]:** Oh, awesome! Can I come over and play sometime?

 **[Aya]:**... um...

 **[Yoosung]:**  Oh right, Seven and V don't want anyone to have the address to Rika's apartment. Classified and stuff. *sigh emoji*

I wasn't about to correct him. It wasn't that I wasn't starting to consider Yoosung a friend - I was - but still. The thought of meeting any of them made my chest restrict. I hadn't told any of them - not even Zen - but I hadn't left my apartment since that fateful day the strange man gave me the messenger code. That wasn't really out of the norm. It was the end of summer, and though it was sunny... I just didn't see the point. I could sketch from memory, or the views on my balcony. I knew it was the anxiety... since that day, with the threat of whoever Unknown was - good, bad, I didn't know - I just couldn't leave. Every time I tried, my hands shook, my breath quickened. At least I had some food still.

And the doctor told me to try not to overwork myself. I wanted to laugh.

Yoosung and I said goodbye; he left the chat while I stayed on, letting it run in the background as I set up my easel to paint. I shamelessly used the different selfies posted in the chatroom of the RFA members as inspiration. I wasn't going for anything in particular, a sort of collage of them. Maybe I could show it at the party, with a couple others...? V has his photographs, so a couple paintings probably wouldn't be too much to ask. With that thought, I reached for my phone, only to stop. Zen was in the chat.

 **[ZEN]:**  Aya, you're here! *smiling emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  Hello, Hyun. I'm just painting atm.

 **[ZEN]:**  I want to know what you're painting, but... I'm too excited! I just met the director. I... got a new role and it's amazing!

 **[Aya]:**  Another one? What about the Phantom of the Opera one?

 **[ZEN]:**  This one's a much, much bigger production. I'll be acting with a famous celebrity that acts on TV!

I blinked. Wow. TV acting and theatre acting are two entirely different things, but still. Acting with a more famous celebrity would bring all kinds of attention his way. With the insane amount I knew he practiced, it was well worth it. I smiled.

 **[Aya]:**  That's great, Hyun! I'll miss helping you practice the Opera, but I'm really happy for you. I hope I get to see it.

 **[ZEN]:**  I'll get you tickets! Oooh Scarlet, I feel so excited right now! lol The director says that if I do well on this one, I might start acting on TV now!

 **[Aya]:**  Wow... famous Hyun. I'll have to ask for your autograph, with 'Hyun' instead of 'Zen'. Makes it more special that way.

 **[ZEN]:**  I'd give you a thousand autographs if you wanted, jagiya~ *heart emoji*

I blushed, deeply.

 **[Aya]:**  I... excuse me while I go take a cold shower.

 **[ZEN]:**  *shocked emoji* Aya! Why you vixen, I didn't know the mere thought of being near me to get an autograph would get you so hot and bothered.

I blinked, realization of just how what I'd typed could be  _horribly_  misconstrued were. Damn my sub-par Korean!

 **[Aya]:**  Th-that's not what I meant! I meant, you know, splash cold water so I stop blushing!

 **[ZEN]:**  Ahh, so I've got you blushing, then? So cute~!

 **[Aya]:**  I'm not cure!

 **[ZEN]:**  So cute you're typo-ing now~

 **[Aya]:**  Stop teasing me, Hyun!

 **[ZEN]:**  Now why would I do that, when it's so fun~?

 **[Aya]:**  Oh, you... *blushing emoji*

 **[ZEN]:**  Eheheheh *smirking emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  I'm going back to painting, now! Bye!

 **[ZEN]:**  Ah, wait jagiya! Just a bit longer; I wanted to tell you. Rehearsal starts in five days, right before the party. The actress's stage name is Echo Girl or something like that.

 **[Aya]:**  ... right before the party...?

I felt a little cold at that. If he was going to be so busy, would he make it? I didn't know why that made me feel so... sad. I blinked, a little shocked at myself. I wanted to meet him. I wanted to meet this man that I'd spent the last five days chatting with and talking on the phone with. This feeling... it was terrifying. I took a couple shallow breaths, willing back the sudden anxiety, and read his reply.

 **[ZEN]:**  Yeah, I almost didn't take the role because of the party. I'm not used to having so little time to practice, but... yeah. I'll still be there, though! Just maybe a bit late. I made sure I'd still have the time.

I was holding my breath without realizing it until I sighed.

 **[Aya]:**  I'm glad *smiling emoji* Really, congratulations Hyun. I haven't seen you act yet, but from how Jaehee rants and raves about you, and everything else I've heard, I know you'll do well.

 **[ZEN]:**  It means a lot to hear that from you, jagiya~

I bid him goodbye and went back to my painting. The colors took a lighter tone from then on, curling and curving around the RFA logo. Each member, save for myself, was painted from the back, sort of like a silhouette. The only one I didn't have a good reference for was Rika. I knew she had curly, long blonde hair from the one photo I had seen, and that was the catalyst for me painting them from the back in the first place. The painting wasn't done until well into the day. I wasn't completely satisfied, but... and artist never is. The painting looked fine, but... as I narrowed my eyes at it and the sun set outside, I zeroed in on the issue. There was something off about the figure of Rika. I couldn't tell exactly what was wrong, but... something was.

My eyes slid to the door. I could go and get a better reference from her apartment... I had permission to be there, so long as I didn't mess anything up. But that would involve going outside my apartment. I was safe in here, but out there... less so.

I stood, grabbed my phone, and concentrated on the chat as I slowly edged towards the door. There was a long piece about Jumin trying to get Zen to model for his company's new line of cat products. He was insistent, but there was no way Zen would ever do something like that. He was  _allergic_ , for Pete's sake! As the man talked with Luciel about it, I reached the door. Taking a slow breath in, I rested my hand on the knob. I thought of calling Zen, but with the new role, he was going to need a lot of practice time. I looked back down at the chat and saw that Luciel had left.

So I called him instead. He'd hinted at having done a background check on me, so maybe he already knew, or would understand, my anxiety.

_"Agent 707 here, at your service!"_

"... Luciel?" I bit my lip. Maybe Zen would've been a better choice...

_"The one and only! What can I help you with, my little foreign enigma?"_

What kind of nickname was that? I wanted to roll my eyes, but was a little too keyed up for it, "Um... don't tell the others, but... well, first I need to know; I know you've done a check on me. Don't, um... don't try to hide it. I just wanna know, um... well..."

 _"Don't worry, Aya,"_ His voice it's playfulness, which did nothing for my nerves. It was the kind of serious, yet pitying term I knew well,  _"I didn't look too far into it. I mean, I found like... everything. I only read some of the US news stories in the local area. I found everything all the way to the court documents, all of it, but well, even I know when to stop prying. Sometimes. Not often, though!"_

He had that playfulness back at the end, but it didn't really help me not to panic a bit, "Please, please don't tell anyone! Please, Luciel, I'm begging-"

 _"Wasn't planning on it, Aya,"_  He said,  _"Was that all? Don't tell me you called just to ask **that**."_

"Well, no, but you see..." I bit my lip again, worrying it raw, "I thought, since I assumed you went and looked me up, that... Christ, this is hard... I... um..."

 _"Just spit it out, Aya,"_  He chuckled a bit in what I assumed was supposed to be a reassuring way. It didn't work.

"I haven't left my apartment since I downloaded Mystic Messenger but I need to so I can finish this painting but I'msoanxiousandI-"

_"Whoa, whoa, slow down there."_

"Sorry Luciel, um..." I tasted copper. Raising a hand to my lips and drawing them back again, I saw red. I probably should've taken my anti-anxiety meds early today; I'd bitten a cut into my lip. With a sigh I finished my thought for the surprisingly patient Luciel, "Don't tell anyone, but I have... An anxiety condition. And after meeting that strange man and my interactions with this 'Unknown' I..."

 _"I get 'cha, but just so you know... Zen would probably be a lot better at this 'calming you don't thing,"_  Luciel laughed,  _"The dude's taken a shining to you, ya know."_

"I... What?" My hand slipped off the door knob for a second, "He's just a flirt."

 _"Keep thinking that,"_  he said,  _"By the way, **totally**  rolling my eyes at you right now."_

"... Thanks," I said dryly, "Are you gonna help me, or not?"

_"I reeeeally think Zen would be better, but go ahead. What do you need me to do?"_

"Just... Talk to me. Tell me nothing is going to hurt me outside the door," I half mumbled the words, my hand once again on the doorknob.

_"God... You sure you don't want to call Zen?"_

"Luciel!" Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should've just left it alone and stayed inside. Maybe... "I called you because you know a lot more than Zen about me by default!"

 _"Alright, alright! You don't need to shout,"_  He groaned,  _"My poor ears."_

I didn't say anything and just waited, staring at the lightly colored front door,  _"Okay um... Well, nothing can hurt you in that apartment complex. Open the door and you'll see no one's there."_

Slowly I did, trying not to think of what if there  _was_  someone there? But there wasn't and the long hallway stretched before me. Directly on the left was the staircase; both mine and Rika's apartment were next to the staircase. I took a deep breath and stepped out. I was okay. I was fine.

_"See? Wasn't so hard. Rika's apartment is right below you-"_

"... You have this entire apartment building rigged with cameras, don't you?" I said dryly, eyes narrowing.

 _"Just the halls, stairs, and Rika's apartment!"_  Luciel laughed. I could sense some nervousness in his tone,  _"It's super secure! V and Rika own the building, so it was simple to do, really."_

"So you can see me right now?" I looked around. I didn't see anything...

 _"Up and to the left, in the corner by the staircase,"_  I swiveled my head up and sure enough, a small black camera stared down at me,  _" Hello~!"_

I waved, suddenly feeling a bit self conscious. I stared at the camera and it stared back. I suppose I should be freaked out that Luciel had cameras all over my apartment building, but for some reason it actually helped. Maybe because I now knew that, if anyone tries to break in, all kinds of security would go off in response. I almost asked just much security he  _had_ , but decided against it.

I shifted my cellphone to the other ear, "Thank you, Luciel. I'm okay now."

_"No problem! Now I get to tease Zen with the fact that I've seen your face on two separate occasions! Haha!"_

"Tease him?" I rolled my eyes, "Why does it matter that you've seen me?"

_"No reason~!"_

I sighed, "I'm hanging up now, Luciel."

_"Goodbye, my oblivious friend!"_

I sighed. Luciel was a strange one. But I did feel heaps and bounds better. Knowing someone was watching over me helped. I hurried to Rika's apartment and found what I was looking for; a photo of her and V. I only took it for an hour to get the face right, then when right back to replacing it in her apartment. I wasn't about to keep the photo, of course!

By the time all was said and done, the skies outside were black as pitch. That meant no going out for me anymore. I checked the chatroom to see if anyone was there, only to sigh. It was just Jumin and Zen... arguing.

 **[Aya]:**  Hello Hyun, Jumin. What's the problem?

 **[ZEN]:**  The problem is that he keeps trying to get me to model for his damn cat line!

 **[Jumin Han]:** Your skills are perfect for the role, Zen. Your natural hair color even matches my beautiful Elizabeth 3rd's.

 **[ZEN]:**  I. Am. Allergic.

 **[Aya]:** Jumin, is it really a good idea to ask Zen to model when he's allergic to cats?

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Minor detail; I can work around it.

 **[ZEN]:** Minor my ass; I just got an amazing opportunity for a huge production with an awesome company. I'm not giving that up to model for your stupid cat line!

 **[Jumin Han]:**  The role with Echo Girl is a great opportunity, yes, but it's still just a theatre stage play. I'm offering you the opportunity to break into television itself."

 **[ZEN]:**  I don't need your charity!

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Charity? Hardly. I need a model, and you are perfect for it.

 **[ZEN]:**  I don't need your help!

 **[Jumin Han]:** Looks and talent can only get you so far. Connections and money are needed to go further, Zen.

 **[ZEN]:** Don't lecture me!

 **[Aya]:** guys... Let's calm down...

 **[Jumin Han]:** Yes, Zen, calm yourself.

 **[ZEN]:** You're siding with him, Aya?! *Depressed emoji*

I groaned.

 **[Aya]:** I'm not siding with anyone! Jumin, Zen is allergic to cats. Doing such a role would be incredibly difficult and would put his health at risk.

 **[ZEN]:** Hah! Aya's with me!

 **[Jumin Han]:** *sighing emoji*

 **[Aya]:** I'm not done yet, Hyun. *Angry emoji*

 **[ZEN]:** *worried emoji*

 **[Aya]:** This is a great opportunity Jumin has offered. You can't take it because of the role you're already IN, but at least acknowledge that Jumin cares enough and thought of you FIRST for this role. That means he appreciates your looks AND talent. Jumin doesn't strike me as the type eto just offer if he didn't think you were best for it.

 **[Jumin Han]:** Eloquently put, Aya.

 **[Aya]:** You still need to back down, Jumin. Trying to brow-beat an allergic person into doing something against their health is kind of a jerk move. I get WHY you did it but still.

 **[ZEN]:**... So whose side are you on?

 **[Aya]:** NEITHER. GOODNIGHT.

I backed out of the chatroom in a huff, "Men."

Then I laughed. In the short time I'd know them, I couldn't help but see how similar those two were, despite how at each other's throats they seemed. Both pig-headed and stubborn to a fault.

Feeling a little keyed up now, I flipped on my computer and moved the easel to the corner of the room. A little modern dance practice was just what I needed. I wasn't angry at either of them, really just amused. But still, with Luciel's help earlier and everything else going on, I just felt a little too energetic to sleep just yet.

The next time I glanced at the clock, it was just passed midnight. Feeling thoroughly exhausted now, I shut down the computer and retrieved my phone from the table. I felt refreshed somehow, and smiled a bit. Despite the questionable origins of the app, I already felt so close to some of the members. Someone was always on to talk to, or to call.

I needed that.

I flopped down on my bed after peeling off my sweaty clothes. Shower in the morning. Attempt at sleep first. I pulled up the blankets to my chin, rolled on my side, and at a whim opened the chatroom t see if anyone was online to say goodnight to. The only one there was Zen.

 **[Aya]:** Hello, Hyun. What are you doing up so late? I just finished practicing, did you?

 **[ZEN]:** Hey. Practicing, huh? Heheheh... *Sighing emoji*

 **[Aya]:** Hyun, are you alright? You're not still mad at Jumin, are you?

 **[ZEN]:** I was, and I practiced so hard just to, I dunno, prove something and...

He didn't finish. I slowly rose up to my elbows staring at the glaring phone light with a solid stone of dread dropping into my stomach.

 **[Aya]:**  Hyun, what happened? Are you okay?

 **[ZEN]:**  ... no. I-

I called him without even seeing the rest of his answer. The dial tone rang and rang and I thought it would go to a voicemail when-

_"... Hello?"_

"Are you okay?" I placed the phone on the shoulder whose elbow propped me up.

He chuckled. It was a dark, hollow sound that tore at my heart,  _"You jumped out of the chatroom before I could answer. While practicing, I... fell, and did something to my ankle. I can't move it."_

I fell back against the bed with a soft thump, "Wh-why aren't you at the hospital?"

 _"I dunno. Shock?"_  Zen sighed. By the gods, he sounded so... defeated,  _"... I'll have to give up that role. You know, the one with Echo Girl."_

"Zen..." I took a long, deep breath. He was injured. Somewhere, in a place I didn't know, he was sitting. Injured, "You need to go to the hospital."

_"Yeah... I heal really quick, like **really**  quick... but they'll probably still have to put a cast on me, huh?"_

My heart went out to him. I wanted to say something, anything to make him better, "What can I do? Tell me what I can do to make you feel better."

 _"... I should call an ambulance, but..."_  Zen sighed again. Something rustled, and he sucked in a sharp, pained breath,  _"... I just... god, I feel so pathetic Aya. I let Jumin get to me, and part of me knew you were right too and I was just so **frustrated**..."_

I could feel tears pricking at the back of my eyes. His tone... it reminded me of my own back  _then_. The lost, defeated 'where do I go now?' tone. My voice that came out then, at any other time, would've been embarrassing. It was higher, almost keening, "Zen..."

 _"Oh no, I can hear it in your voice,"_  There was that dead-toned chuckle again,  _"Don't cry for me, jagiya. Please; I couldn't take it."_

"Then tell me how I can help."

Zen sighed. There was a long, pregnant pause; I checked my phone to make sure he was still on the line. Then-  _"... sing something for me?"_

My hand clenched the phone like a vice, breath whooshing out of me all at once, "Wh-what?"

 _"I know you accidentally told me you don't sing anymore, but... I mean, I won't make you I'd never **ever**  make you do anything you don't want to-"_ His rambling stopped with another pained hiss, then a minute of silence,  _"Sorry, forget it, it was a dumb thought-"_

"Something always brings me back to you," I held the phone with both hands, knuckles bloodless from the pressure. My singing voice, from a couple years of disuse, was surprisingly strong despite everything, "It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do... I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone."

My chest was so tight from emotion, from stress, from worry. But I sang through it all, shaking like a leaf the whole time, "You hold me without touch. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much... than to drown in your love, and not feel your reign. _"_

_"Aya-"_

"Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity," I sat up, a bit stronger now. I kept my voice lower, quieter, a bit more breathless so I didn't disturb the neighbors. But I was singing. Willingly. For the first time in years, "Here I am, and I stand so tall. Just the way I'm supposed to be. But you're on to me and all over me..."

Towards the end, my voice cracked. Whether it was the pains of disuse or my worry, I didn't now, but I stood from the bed and sang even stronger in Zen's silence, "Oh you loved me 'cause I'm fragile when I thought that I was strong. But you touch me for a little while, and all my fragile strength is gone..."

I couldn't keep singing anymore; even this much made my throat itch and my eyes sting with more tears. A couple slid down my cheeks, but even in the darkness of the bedroom I didn't feel the usual darkness inside me. Maybe because I was singing alone... physically, at least.

_"Aya-"_

He wasn't going to stop the interrupting and I was all frayed edges at this point, so I cut the song off with the ending, "Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long..."

I fell silent, knees weak and shaking as I stood in my pajamas in the darkness. All I could hear was my breathing, and Zen's, for the longest time.

_"God... that was..."_

"I'm um... out of practice," I chuckled, teary-eyed as I slumped back to the edge of the bed, "It's weird. I never thought I'd ever sing again, not willingly, but when you asked..."  _I wanted to._  Those were the words I left out. My heart was fluttering in my chest, from the fear of memories and the high, elated and strange feeling of triumph.

_"Aya... that was beautiful."_

"It was sloppy," I laughed, wiping tears from my face, "I couldn't hit notes I used to, I couldn't take in as much breath as I used to..."

_"I'll say it again, and every single time you doubt it. Beautiful."_

Another tear slipped away, "... thank you, Hyun."

_"Ahh... somehow, hearing you say my name like that after singing so beautifully... be careful, Aya. You'll release the beast within me~"_

There was the flirtatious Zen I'd gotten the know these last five days. I laughed, and he joined in, the sound somehow easing my anxiety, "I-If you can flirt, you must not be in that much pain."

 _"Oh, I am..."_  Some darkness seeped back into his tone,  _"I... should probably call an ambulance."_

"Yeah..." I laid back down, but didn't pull the blankets back around me. I could feel the call coming to an end, and Zen started to say goodbye before I cut him off, "Text me or something as soon as you know how bad it is." Then, realizing how that sounded, sputtered, "O-or put it in the chat. I-I'm sure the others... will be worried."

He chuckled. It wasn't as dark as before,  _"I will. Get some sleep, jagiya. I'm calling the ambulance now. Goodnight."_

I laid there in bed, staring up at the ceiling for a long time after Zen hung up. I didn't move, I barely breathed, just replaying the last few minutes over and over again.

I sang. I _sang_. For someone I'd barely known a few days, though we'd talked for hours in that time. Something I swore no one would ever make me do again, something that brought so much pain... and yet...

It didn't hurt.

I mean, it did. Sort of. But not the kind of hurt that was entirely unwelcome, or bad. Like a quickly torn off bandage; painful at first, but with an overwhelming sense of relief afterwards. It had been two years since I'd last sung anything. Not since the day I was rescued from  _that man_ , from my kidnapper. The last one before Zen to hear me sing was my own personal devil. If  _he_  was a devil, then Zen must be... my angel.

I laughed into the silent darkness and shook my head. With his odd coloring and looks, Zen could pass for an angel easily. I rolled over and pulled the blankets around me again, setting an alarm for early in the morning. I fell asleep with a smile, in spite of my worry, for another hurtle conquered.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  The song Aya sings is Gravity by Sara Bareilles. I love that song ~ :)


	4. A Decision Made

**Disclaimer:**  Only Aya is mine~ Also, super long chapter is super freakin' long.

 **Note:**  underlined words are in English

* * *

Chapter Four

**Jagiya**

_"Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full."_

_\- Jalauddin Rumi_

* * *

The cafe was quaint, run by a jolly old grandmother-type named Jangmi. I'd been here once, my first day in Korea, and it was just delightful. While waiting for Jumin's driver, I ordered a chai tea latte and a little sweet croissant. The summer day was cool for once, the first glimpse of fall maybe, and the tea warmed me right up. I'd happened to come in when business slowed to a stand-still, so the old lady turned to me.

"Waiting for someone, my dear?" Jangmi leaned on the glass cabinet holding all the bakery goods.

I nodded, sipping on my chai, "I have a friend, an actor, who got injured during practice. Since I don't have a car in Korea, another... friend is driving me." It would be awkward to say that this 'friend' was the great Jumin Han and he was sending a driver to pick me up. I shuttered; he probably sent Driver Kim in a limo.

Jangmi clapped a hand over her mouth, "Oh dear; is it serious?"

I shrugged, "I... think so. But I keep getting told by our other friends that Hyun heals crazy fast, so not to worry about it..." I sighed and took another sip of tea, "... I'm worried. He's been so sad, because he had to give up a great role due to the injury."

"Poor dear..." Jangmi said. We were both silent for a moment, and I saw a great black limousine pull up in front of the cafe. With a groan, I slapped a hand down my face. He  _had_  sent the limo. Jangmi laughed, "Your friend?"

"Yeah..." I grumbled, "Thanks you for the tea, ma'am."

"Such a polite young woman... Here!" Before I could get a word out, Jangmi pulled out a couple large sweet croissants from the bakery cabinet, "For you and your injured actor!"

I blinked, stunned, then shook my head, "I... I can't take these!"

"You can and you will, young lady," Jangmi swerved around the counter with surprising speed for ab old woman, and pressed the now-bagged croissants into my hands, "Now get!"

"I... But..." I looked between her at the bag, at a loss for words. She merely smiled, the wrinkles on her face standing out and somehow making her look  _more_  grandmotherly. I couldn't say no to that face, "Th-thank you."

I bowed my head and ducked out of the cafe. A tall, sharply dressed man probably twice my age stepped out of the driver side of the limo, "Ms. Aya?"

"Ah! Yes um... That's me," I coughed, clutching the croissants to my chest, "... Hi?"

He raised an eyebrow, face stoic and doing nothing for my nerves, "Jumin Han sent me to take you to the home of Hyun Ryu." He stepped around the car and opened the back door for me, "Please get in."

I nodded and thanked him before sliding in. Driver Kim closed the door behind me, and soon we were off. The limo was so spacious and so empty. Seats lined the perimeter of the long cabin, a small television screen just above the sliding panel to the driver cabin, and halfway down was a working mini-fridge with... drinks and expensive-looking snacks? I couldn't help the exasperated laugh. I'd seen ostentatious before, but this was overkill.

I totally indulged on the Belgian chocolates though. I hoped Jumin didn't mind; had a thing for decadent sweets.

My phone vibrated; I took it out and saw Jaehee calling, "Hello, Jaehee."

_"Good afternoon; I saw in the chat that Mr. Han has sent you Driver Kim to go see Zen?"_

Ahh, I see why she'd called now. Probably to tell me to be careful... again, "Jaehee you have nothing to worry about, honest. Driver Kim is here, and I have no intentions on Hyun. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

 _"It's not that; I've resigned to the fact that you're going and trust you enough, though I still don't think it's good for Zen's career as an actor,"_ She sighed,  _"I wanted to... apologize. For being so forceful about you and Zen. I saw you stand up for me against Mr. Han in the chatroom. You didn't have to, and I am grateful."_

"Wait, that?" I laughed under my breath, "Jumin treats you like a slave, Jaehee. I don't see how you put up with it."

 _"The money is very nice, and there are **some**  perks," _she joined me in giggling,  _"Like this latest project. He has me researching for the cat line, sure, but this coffee business is much more interesting. There's so many ways to make a cup of coffee, or tea, and so many potential pairings depending on the brew..."_

There was something almost awestruck in her tone. It reminded me of when I would talk about dancing or singing with my friend's before...

I shook my head. This is a happy day; those thoughts were unwelcome, "You should talk to Yoosung. I think he mentioned a barista club at one point. I got confirmation that they'll be at the party, too; you should talk to them."

 _"Thank you, I'll do that,"_  There was some scratching. Was she taking notes?  _"Ah, Mr. Han is calling on the other line. It was nice talking to you, Aya."_

"You too; talk to you later, Jaehee."

The ride went on in silence for a good fifteen minutes. I watched the streets and people go by through the limo's tinted windows. Couples laughing together, holding hands. A mother leading her toddler around. An old man picking out flowers from a little stand outside a larger shop... They all looked so happy, out there enjoying the sun.

Stop it, Aya. Today is a happy day. There is no place for envy.

An idea struck me, as I saw a red headed girl out the window. I checked the chatroom and, sure enough, Zen hadn't popped into chat since before my talk with Jumin. I quickly called Luciel, praying not to get a ringtone.

_"Agent 707, at your service lovely Ms. Aya!"_

"Luciel, can do you me a huge favor? I know it's well within your great hacking skills," Flattery seemed like the way to get to the hacker.

_"... go on."_

I smiled, "Will you hide my last chat with Jumin from Zen? He hasn't been in chat since way early this morning, so..."

 _"He hasn't realized you're on the way yet and you want to surprise him, hmm?"_  He cackled, voice low and conspiratorial,  _"Pretty simple, but I'll only do it on one condition."_

"Name your price, oh great hacker God," I rolled my eyes.

_"I get to call Zen, right now, and tease the ever-loving hell out of him."_

"You'd do that anyway," I said.

 _"Too true, my foreign enigma. Too true,"_ Luciel clicked his tongue,  _"Done. When Zen opens the app and the update auto-loads, that entire conversation will be nothing but pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd for him."_

"Oh dear gods..." I leaned back against the leather seat, "Really, Luciel?"

 _"I never kid, Aya!"_  Luciel's laugh was shrill, and I held the phone a bit further from my ear,  _"Now I've gotta go before the boss comes after me with the whip again!"_

"The what-?!" And the line went dead. I stared at my phone, eyebrow raised. That man had to be the strangest person I'd ever... not technically met yet.

But it was done. Zen had no idea I was already on the way to his place. Then, as if that thought had summoned him, my phone went off again.

_"Ah, you picked up right away, jagiya~! Did you miss me?"_

My heart beat like a drum. Whether from general nervousness, my anxiety, or talking to him right after my call with Luciel, I didn't know, "H-hi, Hyun."

 _"Ah? You sound a little... off,"_  His voice dropped in that way it did when he was worried,  _"Aya, everything okay?"_

"Yes, yes!" I said a little too quickly, "Sorry, just finished practicing some dancing. I'm a little tired."

The lie didn't roll off my tongue quite as smoothly as I'd've liked, but after a moment of silence Zen appeared to buy it,  _"... I would have loved to have seen that."_

"Well, I could dance at the party, you know," I said offhand, thankful he hadn't caught on to my lie.

 _"I'd want you to dance for me, just me,"_ I shivered at his tone. It was even lower, somehow light and husky at the same time,  _"I looked up that dancer you mentioned. If I ever saw you dance like that... ahh, it would be hard to control myself, jagiya~!"_

I rolled my eyes, "You're making me sound like some high-end dancing beauty, Hyun."

_"Well, you are."_

My shoulders sagged, "Says the man who has no idea what I look like."

_"Then tell me."_

I blinked, "What?"

He laughed, _"Describe yourself to me, since I can't see you."_

"Um..." I looked out the window again. I was still a bit from his house and had to be careful so I didn't ruin the surprise, "Dirt brown hair, blue eyes, stick thin with a chest disproportionate to my frame, shoulders too square, and a cleft chin. Just an ugly American, really."

 _"I don't believe you,"_ He laughed,  _"That was the most self-deprecating description I've ever heard."_

"You'll see at the party, I guess," or in five minutes. But he didn't know that. The limo was getting close, so I hastily added, "I've got to go, Hyun. Errands to run at um... The college."

 _"Hmm... Why do I get the feeling you're hiding something, jagiya?"_ He chuckled,  _"But alright. I'll talk to you later, Aya, my sweet~."_

I said goodbye and hung up, unable to keep the deep blush off my cheeks. I'd known sweet talkers before, but this man took the cake. I held a hand up to my burning cheeks and switched on the chatroom, only to see Zen railing against the 'sudden dozen cat pictures' making his nose itch. I laughed, and the limo slowly came to a stop.

The divider to the driving cabin slid open, "We have arrived, Ms. Aya."

"I uh... Thank you, Mr. Kim," I rubbed the fabric of my skirt, suddenly feeling self conscious. I was here. Looking out the window of the limo, I saw his apartment building. It was much smaller than the 15 floor downtown monstrosity I lived in. There were these little bushes around, and a door leading downward. Zen's apartment was half basement, so I guessed that's where I needed to go.

The limo door slid open and Mr. Kim stood back so I could climb out. The sun was bright and hurt my eyes, so I squinted until my vision cleared. Stupid blue-eyed lack of melanin curse.

"Miss, if you would follow me," Mr. Kim motioned for me to follow, and after tensing at the butterflies in my stomach, I did.

And then, a short walk and a doorway later, I found myself standing in front of the door. Zen's front door. The door to Zen's apartment. Zen's door.

Breathe, Aya. Breathe.

"Miss, are you alright?" I could tell from Mr. Kim's voice that he didn't really care, more like he was obligated to ask.

I shook my head and forced on an uneasy smile, "Y-yeah, I'm fine!"

Before Mr. Kim got another word in, I sucked in a sharp breath... and knocked.

At first, there was nothing, so I knocked again. There was a muffled shout of "Coming!" from the other side, and then the door was pulled open. In front of me stood an Adonis of a man, long silver-white hair cascading freely down his back, a little damp from a shower. He had a towel around his shoulders and a crutch under one arm. He was wearing a tight white tank top and black knee-length shorts that stopped just above his cast. My breath quickened, blush deepening to a brilliant tomato, and I suddenly found myself staring at his grey-white cast as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Hey, um... can I help you?" Zen raised an eyebrow at my silence.

I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly found my throat dry. I swallowed noisily, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, but nothing helped. I couldn't even look at him, my nerves so on fire that I started to feel a little sick. The only sound I made was a weird sort of nervous choking.

"Uhh... You okay there?" I didn't need to look at him to know he was a little freaked out. Did fans ever accost him at his home?

"Excuse me, Mr. Ryu?" Mr. Kim stepped into view from the left of the doorway. He bowed a bit, and I looked up just in time to see Zen's already confused look deepen, "I was instructed to bring the lady to you by Jumin Han and chaperone the visit."

"The... visit...?" He blinked and slowly, oh so slowly, his eyes slid from Mr. Kim to catch my eye. It was as if I could see the cogs of his mind working, ruby-colored eyes sliding from my blue ones to my hair, my chin, my body, the scars visible at my neck and wrists. I looked away, unable to handle the sheer force of his gaze.

"... Aya?" His voice that breathless, shoulders sagging. I knew it; he was disappointed. Of course he was, who wouldn't be when faced with a short little stick girl like- "You're gorgeous."

I head snapped up, "Wh-What-?"

He was all smiles then, moving out of the doorway and ushering us inside, "Come in, come in! Aya, you vixen, you never said a word about actually coming to visit! And Driver Kim - I remember you from some of the RFA parties - so that means all those cat pictures..." His eyes widened, his face lightly up with childish glee, "You got Seven to hide the conversation, didn't you? To surprise me!"

He was just go... animated. I felt like I was going in a tailspin as I stepped into the apartment. It was sparsely decorated in light colors, the sunlight filtering in from the windows that were about halfway up the wall (since the apartment was half underground). I wrung my hands, fighting to keep my nervousness from being  _too_  obvious, and took in his apartment, memorizing every chair and door, every exit and entrance. It was an odd habit, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know every possible means of escape from any room, every thing that could be used in defense from an attacker.

You're in Zen's apartment, Aya. You don't need to do that here.

"Ahh, jagiya, I knew you were lying when you described yourself!" Zen leaned back against his couch, smile soft as he watched me drink in the room, "Oooh, if I'd known you were coming, I would've cleaned up some!" When I looked back at him, Zen was laughing, scratching his pink-tinged cheeks with a long finger, "I would've take a shower earlier, at least..."

"N-no, it's fine!" I waved both hands in front of my chest, laughing nervously myself, "I um... wanted it to be a surprise, so I ah... asked Luciel to hide that conversation with Jumin, and I lied about dancing on the phone and Jaehee called right before you to talk about the visit and I wanted outside this little cafe nearish to the apartment where Jangmi gave- Oh!"

My waving reminded me of the croissants. I blushed even  _more_  furiously, if possible, and looked down at the ground as I shoved them into his hands, "Th-th-the old lady who ran the cafe, I told her... you know, that you were injured and she... Gods, Aya, calm down, stop freaking out they're just croissants..."

Zen's laugh was infectious and I felt a little lightheaded from nerves. He took the bag, fingers brushing mine, sending shockwaves up my arm. My head snapped up to see his smile, that soft smile, as he looked from me to the bag, "A present? How kind." Zen fell silent, setting the sweet croissants on the long kitchenette island before returning to the couch. I winced at his limp.

"Well then, how long do you have?" Zen looked out the window with a grin, "It's such a nice day out, and there's a park nearby." Then, back to me, his jewel-like eyes glittering, "How about a picnic?"

I giggled, so nervous and overwhelmed by those eyes that I looked away again, "I um... sure, yeah! I'm here as long as you want me, Zen." Then, realizing how that sounded at catching the dirty little smirk on his face, sputtered, "I-I mean that is... well, I came because you're hurt and wanted to make you feel better, and Jaehee is too busy with work so... Why is Korean so hard?!" And it was hard, especially with all this blood rushing to my face.

Zen pushed off the couch, a half foot from me. That was when I noticed just how  _tall_  he was. I wasn't short, not for an American female at least, but from where I stood the top of my head was just at his chin, maybe his bottom lip. He leaned down a bit, catching my eyes, and smiled, "You're so flustered, jagiya. Do I make you nervous?"

"I-I uh... well, um..." My gaze snapped down, giddy nervousness warring with anxiety at his close proximity. I hadn't had a man this close to me in years, and the last one...

Seeing my expression darken, Zen stood straight and sighed, "You look so adorable, all flustered, that I just want to give you the tightest hug~! But I won't, I know you don't like being touched, jagiya." I just caught his wink as he passed me, "But someday~!"

He strode up to Mr. Kim and, before I could get a word out, was steering the poor driver right out the front door! "Give my thanks to Jumin, but I won't need a chaperone! Aya and I will be fine, so just wait for her, hmm?"

"I... sir-" Mr. Kim, clearly shocked at the treatment, pushing against Zen's arm at his shoulder, "Mr. Han instructed I-"

"Ahh, we'll be fine, just going for a picnic, maybe a movie at home," Zen patted his shoulder and called back to me, "Right, jagiya?" But he didn't wait for my answer and, with a light shove to get him over the doorway, Zen closed the door right in Mr. Kim's face.

The click of the apartment door was deafening. Zen didn't notice, and turned back to me with that same happy, child-like grin. I hadn't been alone like this, with a man, since  _then_. Ice settled in my stomach, spreading through me like some sick frozen flame, so even as my heart beat like a hummingbird and sweat broke out on my palms, I was frozen.

"So I was thinking; we could go to the grocery store and get some things for a picnic," Zen didn't notice my distress and limped into the kitchenette, "I don't really have anything here, so maybe some fruit and sandwich stuff, then to the park!"

The limping caught my eye. He was injured. As someone injured, I could outrun him if anything happened. And we were going outside, where I couldn't be confined. Where I couldn't be hurt without witnesses.

Aya, stop.

I came to Korea to get away from my past. To heal. And that meant learning to trust again. Zen wouldn't hurt me like  _he_  did. Zen wouldn't keep me prisoner, doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Zen was  _not_  Michael Stevens.

"... ya?" A hand waved in front of my face, "Aya?"

I yelped, jumped, and crashed right into Zen's chin. In a mess of flailing limbs, we both tripped over each other and stumbled backwards over the couch. Momentum threw us again, tumbling off the couch into the space between it and the table. I groaned, pushing myself up with one hand on the couch and the other against his chest.

I froze and paled.

I opened one eyes experimentally and saw that, yes, I was on top of Zen. He was staring up at me, eyes wide but expression soft, his hair missed and thrown about his face like a halo. Like an angel.

"Well, that was a tumble," Zen chuckled, pushing himself up by the elbows. I was still frozen, every cell in my body screaming to run because we were  _touching_  but unable to move in my shock and anxiety. Zen's head tilted left, almost curious with a furrowed brow. He reached forward with those long, slender fingers of his, and grazed one across my bottom lip.

He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, "What happened here, jagiya?" His voice was thick, husky, and did nothing for my poor nerves.

Zen's finger stayed against my lip, and I shivered from his tone. My mind was a haze; flee? Fight? Run to Driver Kim, get the hell out of here, book a plane back home and pretend this never happened?

"Wh... wha...?" I wanted to move, to run, to hide. Dammit, Aya, this is bad! Get  _out_  of here you fool girl! You know what happens next!

"Your lip..." His thumb replaced the finger, once again grazing lightly across my lip. It was... electric. Terrifying, "It's cut. Scabbed, so it wasn't from the fall..."

His words were so breathless, it was like Zen was on autopilot. He wasn't really thinking, and his gaze never left my lips. I raised a hand of my own, shaking like a leaf, and brushed his aside. Oh. The scab, from when I bit my lip open a couple days ago.

Then, as if touching an injury brought me back to reality, I launched backwards off Zen. I tripped, fell right back on my butt, and shot up, "Oh, um, but it on accident. No problem, um... You okay? Leg fine? Not hurt? Um, um..." I laughed, nervously scratching the back of my head and darting around the couch with a little more speed that necessary to out as much room between Zen and I as possible while still being polite.

When he groaned I peaked over the couch. He was back on the floor, running a hand through his hair and groaning. Seeing my stare, Zen looked me right in the eye and smiled, "Jagiya... You're adorable."

* * *

The grocery trip was short. We got a couple pieces of fruit, sandwiches, and this weird sort of Korean rice tea that Zen swore was delicious but I wasn't so sure about. There was rice floating  _in_  the bottle! Mr. Kim was still hanging out in the limo, now pulled a bit further down the street from the apartment. I suppose I should feel bad for leaving him there, but he  _was_  getting paid for it...

"Jagiya, you sure you've got the box?"

Zen and I packed a small box with the food and covered it with a blanket. I insisted on carrying it, since he needed his crutches to get anywhere. I nodded vigorously, "Yes, yes, I've got it. Here, let me get the door-"

He was already through it and into the hallway, chuckling, "I'm not a complete invalid."

"Oh."

Zen turned and smiled, "Come on, the Park's not far."

It wasn't, and soon Zen was instructing me where to set the box and unfold the blanket. It was a smallish park, lined with great big trees. A children's play structure took up one end if it, with little ones climbing all about with their parents nearby. We took up the other side, one with more trees shading us from the summer heat, and the last blooming flowers swaying in the breeze. It was quiet, and beautiful.

Zen set down his crutches and leaned back, "I've always wanted to go on a picnic as a date." He twisted his head to smile up at me, "You don't mind if I think of this like that, right? It's okay if you don't, Aya."

"Th-that's..." Reject him, Aya. Reject it so you don't go down that rabbit hole again, "That's okay."

"Good," Zen's eyes closed as he breathed deep, as if savoring the air.

I stared, blatantly. His skin was pale, but not in a sickly way, and with his white hair he glowed in whatever sunlight managed to filter between tree leaves. He just looked so peaceful, so angelic. He'd never given me a reason to fear him...

Maybe... maybe I should give him a chance?

You came to Korea to heal, Aya.

Zen's eyes opened, as if sensing my thoughts, and squinted when the breeze exposed a pocket of sun that hit him square in the face, "... Shoulda brought sunglasses, though."

"I-I like your eyes though-" I blushed and looked away, barely catching the shocked pink crossing his own face, "I mean... w-well..."

The blanket rustled as he sat up. I tried to look away, but he dipped his head to catch my eyes, "Ahh, don't say things like that, jagiya. My heart is beating so fast already~."

I made a show of opening the box of food and taking things out, looking everywhere but him, "H-Hyun, don't tease me!"

"Why not? It's fun," Zen laughed, long arms reaching out to help me, "I never thought you'd get this flustered in person. It's adorable." I almost didn't catch what he said next, because it was quiet and under his breath, "And hearing you say my real name like that..."

I felt a little light headed from all the blood rushing to my face. He saw, and just laughed again. We made small talk as we ate, just sort of enjoying each other's company and the cool late summer weather. Asking questions of each other - what do you like, what don't you, etc. - but little of our pasts, which I was grateful for. He probably sensed my discomfort before, on the phone.

In too short a time, we were packing the food back up and on our way back to the apartment. A bit of orange was starting to peak over the horizon. I should go home, before it got dark. Walking home from the cafe at night... I shuddered. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything, even as we passed Jumin's limo and I felt a stab of guilt at the sight of Mr. Kim on the phone.

"Oh!" Zen dropped his keys on the kitchenette counter and rounded on me with this startlingly large grin, "I forgot in all the excitement, but guess what?"

I set down the box of leftovers and started putting them in the nothing-but-water-and-beer stocked fridge. No wonder he had to go grocery shopping before the picnic, "Hmm?"

"Echo girl came by!" Zen said, still all smiles, "She already knew about the RFA, the parties, all of it. I guess she did work on a commercial for Jumin or something."

"What, really?" My eyebrows shot up, and I closed the fridge, "So... what happened?"

"Well, when I said I had to turn down the role, she insisted on changing her schedule around so I could still do it," He shrugged, then leaned against the back of the couch, looking a bit... sheepish? "I kinda felt bad for it, but here's the kicker; she's a fan of mine!" Zen laughed, "Imagine that, huh? A celebrity's a fan of me!"

I leaned against the kitchen counter, his infectious mirth spreading to me, "Of course she is. I hear all the time how famous and great you are from Jaehee- Hyun?"

He was staring, open mouth, right at me. Or more accurately, at my neck and chest. My eyes widened. My scars; could he see them? The one at my neck and wrists were hard to hide and I knew they poked out of my shirt sometimes, but they were the mild ones. Old rope-burns. Did he think they were disgusting? That would be the truth, and I expected it, but... Why did that thought hurt so much?

"You um... might not want to lean on the counter like that," Zen coughed, face growing a deep crimson as he tore his gaze away, "Good God you're hot."

"Ex-excuse me?" I looked down at myself. I wore a nice, billowy white button up with frills around the chest and the top few buttons undone. Classy, with a ruffled wrap-around skirt. Nothing promiscuous, nothing that could be-

I'd leaned forward on the counter. The billowy shirt had lifted off my chest. He could have seen straight down it.

I stifled a yelp, face turning the shade of his eyes, and stood ram-rod straight. I couldn't button the top ones, since the shirt wasn't made that way, so standing straight would have to do, "S-sorry!"

"N-no problem, jagiya," He laughed once, nervously, and tugged a bit at his shirt collar, "So... Movie time?"

* * *

In a twist of fate, we ended up watching a Japanese horror film. I'd seen it already and recommended it to Zen, who hadn't. As it turned out, we both loved the darker, more mature types of movies. It was about a girl cast as a victim in a bio-pic on a serial killer, who eventually finds out that she herself was the reincarnation of the killer. The little shocked gasps Zen made at each jumpscare or twist were some of the most adorable sounds I'd ever heard, and I soon forgot the rapidly setting sun outside.

I forgot it so much that my eyes slid closed halfway through the movie.

Something a little rough was running slowly through my hair. It felt... nice, weaving between strands as if to memorize each one. They never tugged, only smoothing down my hair after each pass. Sometimes, with my hair as long as it was, the long fingers would graze the nape of my neck, or my shoulder. And each time, I would move closer to the origin, snuggling up to their warmth.

"Aein..." A puff of air ghosted over my cheek, and I smiled. The angel with the gentle hands shifted and spoke as I drew closer to them, "The movie's over. You need to wake up."

I ignored the angel and snuggled closer. I didn't want to leave the land of warmth and dreams yet, "Just five more minutes..."

The angel laughed and it reverberated through me. His laughed settled slowly, and the hand went back to threading through my hair, "Nae sarang, what am I going to do with you?" The voice drew nearer, puffs of air hitting my cheek as he spoke, "I'm just a man, a wolf like all the others. And as much as I enjoy sitting here with you, it's late and there's something I want you to see."

A hand touched my cheek, drawing my face up. I opened my eyes slowly, vision hazy at first. The first thing that became clear was his eyes. Those eyes, the pupil dilated so much that only a thin ring of ruby red surrounded it, stared down at me. His cheeks were flushed, a pale pink against alabaster skin.

I smiled and reached up to brush his silver-white hair aside, only to wake up completely halfway there and realize just the position I was in.

I was laying on the couch, body half facing the television and torso twisted to look up at Zen. My head was in his lap, upper body covered by the fancy white jacket he always wore. My heart stopped. I'd fallen asleep on him during the movie.

"Jagiya-"

With a stranger alien sound somewhere between a choke and a squeal, I launched myself off his lap, arms flailing and body twisting in the air. Then, adding to my red-faced embarrassment, I tripped, spun, and landed flat on my butt on the carpet, staring up at Zen from ten feet away with wide eyes. I fought to not hyperventilate, and succeeded... barely.

"Ahh!" Zen threw his hands up, looking like he was torn between seeing if I was okay and utter confusion.

"N-no!" I waved both arms in front of my face, eyes squeezed shut with an almost sickening mixture of anxiety and embarrassment. I'd fallen asleep on him, a man. I had touched a man twice today. I was alone with a man. I shook my head quickly; I couldn't think like that anymore. Zen had been nothing but a perfect gentleman all day.

_Mike was a perfect gentleman at first too, Aya._

No! I shook my head again. I would  _not_  think like that. I  _would_  get over this... this...

Slowly, agonizingly, Zen's stillness dawned on me. He hadn't moved a muscle, eyes a bit wide and smile a bit strained. As if he was faced with a frightened animal he wasn't quite sure how to calm. My arms fell to my sides and the silence that stretched between us was long and awkward. Oh gods, how had he taken my sudden jump, my flailing?

My face must've paled again, because Zen moved. With all the pace of a snail, Zen slid off the couch to join me on the floor. He kept his head down, lower than mine but angled up to catch my eye, and crawled until just a couple feet from me. I scooted back an inch on reflex.

He sighed, eyes downcast but still with that tight-lipped smile, "Aya... words probably don't mean much, but I swear I will never hurt you." Zen bit his lip, looking somewhere over my head for a moment before catching my eye again, "You don't have to tell me what happened in your life before the RFA, just... give me the time to prove myself, hmm?" His smile widened a bit, some of his usual flirt returning, "I really do like you, jagiya. So much that..." his gaze broke away, next words a half whisper, "... that it scares me a bit."

"Hyun..." My heart beat a staccato in my chest. His eyes drew up to mine again, holding them surer than any chain. My words died for a moment. Part of me wanted to tell him everything. The rest of me was scared of that part; how would he react? Would he run? Any sane person would run. I pulled my knees up to my chest and went for the safest route; a small truth, a small confession, a watery smile "... can I touch you?"

His eyes widened, jaw slack, mind almost visibly racing as pink colored his cheeks, "Wh...?"

I rolled forward, onto my knees, and reached for him. Zen flinched when he saw how I shook, but I swallowed my fear and lunged before he could draw back. My trembling fingers wrapped around his, gripping as if his hand was a lifeline. But Zen didn't breathe a word of discomfort, and though I stared at our hands, I could feel his gaze burning into me.

"I... I haven't touched a man willingly in three years," I reached forward with my other hand, wrapping in on top of our joined fingers. His skin was soft, smooth, but with callouses along the pads from all manner of role practicing. I twisted his wrist so the palm faced up, and traced the lines there with a finger. It was calming, slowing the painful beating of my heart from the rapidity of a rabbit to something much more manageable.

"Aya..."

I looked up at him then, really looked at him. He looked... sad. Eyebrows drawn down, a slight frown on his lips. Anxiety gnawed at my stomach, and he could see it on my face. Zen tried to pull away, but I held firm, "Wait. Please..."

And he did, smiling softly at me, "Okay."

We sat on the floor in silence for a long while. Zen had beautiful hands, but that really wasn't surprising when the rest of him looked like just... indescribably gorgeous. This was enough. My hand slipped from his. Just being around him was enough.

"Aya," There was something thick, emotional, in his tone. Looking up at him, I saw a soft smile, and he winked, "I still have something to show you, hmm?"

"Okay."

He stood, patting his knees, and gestured for follow. He led me up a small half-hidden set of stairs towards the back of the apartment, through a sparsely decorated bedroom - that was mostly taken up by a colossal bed - and onto a star-like balcony.

I looked back towards the bedroom, "I thought the apartment was all underground."

"Only half," Zen leaned forward against the metal railing, "The bedroom of each apartment is upstairs. I like it; the stairs are sort of hidden in the corner, and it just keeps the bedroom a bit apart from the rest. And this little balcony helps." He chuckled, twisting a bit to look over his shoulder at me, "Like a separate little world."

I stepped up to the railing, a foot or so from him. The sky was dark, save for the few stars whose light penetrated the brightness of the neighborhood buildings and lights, "... it's nice."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his nod, "Yeah. The rent is cheap; I still had to work hard to afford it when I was in highschool." He chuckled, and I twisted a bit to look at him. Zen was staring up at the stars, "I feel a bit... conflicted. About accepting Echo Girl's help."

"Why? Isn't natural to accept help when you need it?" I didn't, and look what happened.

He sighed, "I promised myself I would succeed on my own merit, my own abilities, and not rely on money or connections or anything else to get there."

"That's noble..." I sighed, looking away from him to stare across the cityscape, "But impractical."

"Really? Impractical?" Zen snorted, "It's-"

"If you ignore and dismiss the help of those who care about you, who believe in you and want you to succeed, you'll drown," I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hands that clutched the railing, "No one will fault you for accepting help when you need it."

"My brother did," Zen's tone darkened. I tilted my head to see him, cheek now against my hands. He was staring at the city now, brow furrowed, "We were close, when I was younger. My mom always called me ugly; my brother, who's a lot older than me, said it was so I didn't get a big head over my looks." He laughed, once, mirthless, "I had self esteem issues for a long time."

I'd heard him mention family once or twice in the chatroom, and never with anything good to say, "What happened?"

"He got older, went off to study law," Zen shrugged, "He started talking like my parents. We were... treated differently. He was the one with the good grades, the promise... I was the screw-up. I guess I... want to prove them wrong."

"You already have, though," I pushed off the rail and smiled up at the stars, eyes closed, "You're in a charity group that raises money for great causes, you are an amazing singer and actor - and not just because of your looks - and..."

I opened my eyes, letting my gaze fall over the balcony to the lawn. A bit of nervousness crept back into my voice. Nervousness and... sadness, "... everyone back home, and some here, always pushed me to talk before I was ready. Sing before I was ready." It was my turn to laugh sadly. My eyes itched, vision a little blurred from unshed tears at the memory of all the  _questions_  and all the _pity..._

"Aya-"

I looked at him, eyes blinking back those tears, "You didn't. You always say you'll wait for me to talk when I'm ready. I sang for you because  _I wanted to_. You don't..." I fiercely met his gaze as my hand grazed the visible edges of my scars, "You don't flinch when you see these. You didn't say a  _word_  about them. You look at me like... like I'm a person, a woman... not just a victim."

And then I smiled, "I know we haven't known each other long, but to me, Hyun Ryu... You're the exact opposite of a screw-up. You're pretty amazing."

"Aya..." There was something odd in Zen's expression. It was soft, lightly smiling, but somehow strained. I could see the pulse on his neck bulge a bit. He swallowed thickly, "May I... hold your hand? Like before?"

I blinked, a bit surprised at the request. But I held out my hand to him, stepping a bit closer to ease the distance between us. My breath quickened, heart jumping in my chest as nervousness snuffed out my anxiety. It was his turn now to caress my hand, running his long fingers over it, turning the palm up to trace the lines. Zen even touched the rope-scars on my wrist, but never dipped into the sleeve.

"Ahh..." He grinned, eyes focused in our joined hands, "I looked up the English words for jagiya. Have you?"

I swallowed nervously, "N-no, not yet." I hadn't really thought of it, to be honest.

"Honey, sweetie, darling, babe..." Zen's finger traced a scar from my wrist down the side of my thumb, "... among a few other ones."

"Oh..." I swallowed thickly, unsure what to say. I'd assumed it was something like that, but hearing him say it in my native language... I felt strangely hot. Suddenly, the thought of him calling me jagiya was a lot more... intimate, "And... um... when you called me aein earlier? And what was that other one... nae something?"

"Aein means, ah..." Zen's eyes were still on my hand. Was it really so interesting? He gave my fingers a squeeze, and I squeaked. My blush deepened; there's my answer, "Sweetheart is the closest English word I know of. As for nae sarang..." He raised my hand as if to kiss the knuckle, but didn't, merely examining my fingers closer. Zen looked down at me, over my hand, and smirked, "I'll keep that one to myself."

Heat pooled in my body and I chuckled, so thoroughly nervous that I couldn't even think. His hands in mine were so warm, so inviting, that for a split second, I'd forgotten why I was so apprehensive before. Only for a second, though.

"I-I... I could just look it up, you know..." I broke eye contact, unable to handle his intense gaze, and looked back at the stars with what I hoped was playful defiance.

"Ahh, don't do that jagiya~," Zen chuckled, low and playful himself, "At this point, it would just ruin my fun." When I looked back, he was still staring intently at my knuckles. Then, in a flash of a smile, his eyes met mine, "May I?"

I knew what he was asking, but I wasn't ready yet. I hesitated, the words on the tip of my tongue, but fear keeping them inside. Would he be angry? Disappointed? Sad? I honestly couldn't decide which was worse, but-

"It's alright to say no, jagiya, I don't mind," Zen lowered my still un-kissed hand, placing it on the railing and patting it once before taking a step back, "I can be patient." Then he laughed, and the sound was joyous, "I'll put forth all my talent and skills to impress you with just how patient I am, Aya!"

It worked, and I joined him in laughing. Part of me regretted it, but I knew myself. I wasn't ready for anything more than this, and he was just so... just so  _understanding_ about it. I wiped a happy tear from the corner of my eyes, "... thank you, Hyun."

His laughed quieted all at once. Zen coughed and turned from me, leaning back against the railing, "Aya, you know... it's getting late. Touching your hand like that, our talking... feeling you earlier, when we fell..." His face was calm, peaceful even, a ghost of a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. But Zen's words were serious, and final, "... but you know, I'm still a man. It would probably be better for us both if you went back now, hmm?"

I looked up, into the darkness of the sky, then down to the equal darkness of the streets. Jumin's limo was still here, poor Mr. Kim in the seat. I hadn't been on the chatroom, and idly wondered if I had a voicemail from Jumin or Jaehee asking why I wasn't home yet. It dawned on me that I would have to walk from the cafe to my apartment in the dark. It wasn't far, and on a somewhat major street so very well lit, but still...

"Jagiya?" I jumped a bit, turning to see Zen's worried expression, "Are you alright? I'm sorry if it seems like I'm kicking you out, I just... don't want to push you."

He was so considerate. I wanted to cry, but swallowed those feelings to smile instead, "No, no, I'm fine. You're right; it's late. Jumin and Jaehee are probably wondering why I'm still here so late."

"Oh, who cares what trustfund kid thinks? And Jaehee... she means well, but we're both adults; we can take care of ourselves, hmm?" Zen turned from the balcony and went inside. I followed behind him.

I grabbed my purse from beside the couch. Zen, ever the gentleman, opened the front door for me with a slight bow and a rakish grin, "My lady."

I laughed, "Learning English now?"

"Maybe a bit," His grin was infectious, as usual, "Just so I can talk with you more, hmm?"

My cheeks grew hot as I stepped into the coolness of the underground hallway. I turned to say goodbye, only for Zen to follow me out, "... Hyun?"

"What kind of man would I be if I let you walk yourself to the car?" Zen shrugged, slipping on his jacket and locking the door behind us. He held out his hand for me and I took it without thinking.

We walked to the car and before Mr. Kim could even open his door, Zen swerved in front of me and opened the back door himself. With an exaggerated flourish, Zen bowed and fixed me with a winning smile, "Have a wonderful night, jagiya, and get home safe."

The heat in my cheeks grew and spread. I probably looked like a tomato, and hurried into the limo to hide that fact, "Th-thank you, Hyun."

He leaned against the car door, "Call me as soon as you get home, hmm? I'm serious; please get home safe. I'll miss you every moment."

"St-stop it, Hyun," I sputtered. How could a man so beautiful sound so sincere?

"Oh? What's this?" My eyes widened at his teasing tone. What have I done? What have I unleashed? "Does my jagiya get embarrassed when I'm romantic?"

"Hyun..." I whined, scooting a seat away from the door and fastening myself in.

He blew a kiss at me, and winked, "Goodnight, my beautiful, kind jagiya. Goodnight, my little lamb, nae sara-"

"Mr. Ryu, if you would please," Mr. Kim's stoic voice cut through the tender moment with no sympathy, "We must be on our way. Mr. Han has been calling every half hour since six wanting to know the whereabouts of Miss Aya."

Oops. So I was right about Jumin, at least.

"Wait, one last thing," Zen leaned into the limo and pressed something into my hand. It was a small slip of paper with a phone number on it, "We all talk and call through the app. So... you know, just in case something happens to the app..." He was blushing. Zen was blushing. I giggled and stuffed the paper in my purse. He blew me another kiss, winked, and shut the limo door. Soon the engines started and the limo pulled away, but I found myself glued to the tinted windows, watching him until he was long out of sight.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  This chapter is super, super, SUPER long. But I just couldn't find a good place to cut it xD;;


	5. Jagiya

**Disclaimer:**  Only Aya is mine~ Also, super long chapter is super freakin' long.

 **Note:**  underlined words are in English

* * *

Chapter Four

**Jagiya**

_"Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full."_

_\- Jalauddin Rumi_

* * *

The cafe was quaint, run by a jolly old grandmother-type named Jangmi. I'd been here once, my first day in Korea, and it was just delightful. While waiting for Jumin's driver, I ordered a chai tea latte and a little sweet croissant. The summer day was cool for once, the first glimpse of fall maybe, and the tea warmed me right up. I'd happened to come in when business slowed to a stand-still, so the old lady turned to me.

"Waiting for someone, my dear?" Jangmi leaned on the glass cabinet holding all the bakery goods.

I nodded, sipping on my chai, "I have a friend, an actor, who got injured during practice. Since I don't have a car in Korea, another... friend is driving me." It would be awkward to say that this 'friend' was the great Jumin Han and he was sending a driver to pick me up. I shuttered; he probably sent Driver Kim in a limo.

Jangmi clapped a hand over her mouth, "Oh dear; is it serious?"

I shrugged, "I... think so. But I keep getting told by our other friends that Hyun heals crazy fast, so not to worry about it..." I sighed and took another sip of tea, "... I'm worried. He's been so sad, because he had to give up a great role due to the injury."

"Poor dear..." Jangmi said. We were both silent for a moment, and I saw a great black limousine pull up in front of the cafe. With a groan, I slapped a hand down my face. He  _had_  sent the limo. Jangmi laughed, "Your friend?"

"Yeah..." I grumbled, "Thanks you for the tea, ma'am."

"Such a polite young woman... Here!" Before I could get a word out, Jangmi pulled out a couple large sweet croissants from the bakery cabinet, "For you and your injured actor!"

I blinked, stunned, then shook my head, "I... I can't take these!"

"You can and you will, young lady," Jangmi swerved around the counter with surprising speed for ab old woman, and pressed the now-bagged croissants into my hands, "Now get!"

"I... But..." I looked between her at the bag, at a loss for words. She merely smiled, the wrinkles on her face standing out and somehow making her look  _more_  grandmotherly. I couldn't say no to that face, "Th-thank you."

I bowed my head and ducked out of the cafe. A tall, sharply dressed man probably twice my age stepped out of the driver side of the limo, "Ms. Aya?"

"Ah! Yes um... That's me," I coughed, clutching the croissants to my chest, "... Hi?"

He raised an eyebrow, face stoic and doing nothing for my nerves, "Jumin Han sent me to take you to the home of Hyun Ryu." He stepped around the car and opened the back door for me, "Please get in."

I nodded and thanked him before sliding in. Driver Kim closed the door behind me, and soon we were off. The limo was so spacious and so empty. Seats lined the perimeter of the long cabin, a small television screen just above the sliding panel to the driver cabin, and halfway down was a working mini-fridge with... drinks and expensive-looking snacks? I couldn't help the exasperated laugh. I'd seen ostentatious before, but this was overkill.

I totally indulged on the Belgian chocolates though. I hoped Jumin didn't mind; had a thing for decadent sweets.

My phone vibrated; I took it out and saw Jaehee calling, "Hello, Jaehee."

_"Good afternoon; I saw in the chat that Mr. Han has sent you Driver Kim to go see Zen?"_

Ahh, I see why she'd called now. Probably to tell me to be careful... again, "Jaehee you have nothing to worry about, honest. Driver Kim is here, and I have no intentions on Hyun. I couldn't even if I wanted to."

 _"It's not that; I've resigned to the fact that you're going and trust you enough, though I still don't think it's good for Zen's career as an actor,"_ She sighed,  _"I wanted to... apologize. For being so forceful about you and Zen. I saw you stand up for me against Mr. Han in the chatroom. You didn't have to, and I am grateful."_

"Wait, that?" I laughed under my breath, "Jumin treats you like a slave, Jaehee. I don't see how you put up with it."

 _"The money is very nice, and there are **some**  perks," _she joined me in giggling,  _"Like this latest project. He has me researching for the cat line, sure, but this coffee business is much more interesting. There's so many ways to make a cup of coffee, or tea, and so many potential pairings depending on the brew..."_

There was something almost awestruck in her tone. It reminded me of when I would talk about dancing or singing with my friend's before...

I shook my head. This is a happy day; those thoughts were unwelcome, "You should talk to Yoosung. I think he mentioned a barista club at one point. I got confirmation that they'll be at the party, too; you should talk to them."

 _"Thank you, I'll do that,"_  There was some scratching. Was she taking notes?  _"Ah, Mr. Han is calling on the other line. It was nice talking to you, Aya."_

"You too; talk to you later, Jaehee."

The ride went on in silence for a good fifteen minutes. I watched the streets and people go by through the limo's tinted windows. Couples laughing together, holding hands. A mother leading her toddler around. An old man picking out flowers from a little stand outside a larger shop... They all looked so happy, out there enjoying the sun.

Stop it, Aya. Today is a happy day. There is no place for envy.

An idea struck me, as I saw a red headed girl out the window. I checked the chatroom and, sure enough, Zen hadn't popped into chat since before my talk with Jumin. I quickly called Luciel, praying not to get a ringtone.

_"Agent 707, at your service lovely Ms. Aya!"_

"Luciel, can do you me a huge favor? I know it's well within your great hacking skills," Flattery seemed like the way to get to the hacker.

_"... go on."_

I smiled, "Will you hide my last chat with Jumin from Zen? He hasn't been in chat since way early this morning, so..."

 _"He hasn't realized you're on the way yet and you want to surprise him, hmm?"_  He cackled, voice low and conspiratorial,  _"Pretty simple, but I'll only do it on one condition."_

"Name your price, oh great hacker God," I rolled my eyes.

_"I get to call Zen, right now, and tease the ever-loving hell out of him."_

"You'd do that anyway," I said.

 _"Too true, my foreign enigma. Too true,"_ Luciel clicked his tongue,  _"Done. When Zen opens the app and the update auto-loads, that entire conversation will be nothing but pictures of Elizabeth the 3rd for him."_

"Oh dear gods..." I leaned back against the leather seat, "Really, Luciel?"

 _"I never kid, Aya!"_  Luciel's laugh was shrill, and I held the phone a bit further from my ear,  _"Now I've gotta go before the boss comes after me with the whip again!"_

"The what-?!" And the line went dead. I stared at my phone, eyebrow raised. That man had to be the strangest person I'd ever... not technically met yet.

But it was done. Zen had no idea I was already on the way to his place. Then, as if that thought had summoned him, my phone went off again.

_"Ah, you picked up right away, jagiya~! Did you miss me?"_

My heart beat like a drum. Whether from general nervousness, my anxiety, or talking to him right after my call with Luciel, I didn't know, "H-hi, Hyun."

 _"Ah? You sound a little... off,"_  His voice dropped in that way it did when he was worried,  _"Aya, everything okay?"_

"Yes, yes!" I said a little too quickly, "Sorry, just finished practicing some dancing. I'm a little tired."

The lie didn't roll off my tongue quite as smoothly as I'd've liked, but after a moment of silence Zen appeared to buy it,  _"... I would have loved to have seen that."_

"Well, I could dance at the party, you know," I said offhand, thankful he hadn't caught on to my lie.

 _"I'd want you to dance for me, just me,"_ I shivered at his tone. It was even lower, somehow light and husky at the same time,  _"I looked up that dancer you mentioned. If I ever saw you dance like that... ahh, it would be hard to control myself, jagiya~!"_

I rolled my eyes, "You're making me sound like some high-end dancing beauty, Hyun."

_"Well, you are."_

My shoulders sagged, "Says the man who has no idea what I look like."

_"Then tell me."_

I blinked, "What?"

He laughed, _"Describe yourself to me, since I can't see you."_

"Um..." I looked out the window again. I was still a bit from his house and had to be careful so I didn't ruin the surprise, "Dirt brown hair, blue eyes, stick thin with a chest disproportionate to my frame, shoulders too square, and a cleft chin. Just an ugly American, really."

 _"I don't believe you,"_ He laughed,  _"That was the most self-deprecating description I've ever heard."_

"You'll see at the party, I guess," or in five minutes. But he didn't know that. The limo was getting close, so I hastily added, "I've got to go, Hyun. Errands to run at um... The college."

 _"Hmm... Why do I get the feeling you're hiding something, jagiya?"_ He chuckled,  _"But alright. I'll talk to you later, Aya, my sweet~."_

I said goodbye and hung up, unable to keep the deep blush off my cheeks. I'd known sweet talkers before, but this man took the cake. I held a hand up to my burning cheeks and switched on the chatroom, only to see Zen railing against the 'sudden dozen cat pictures' making his nose itch. I laughed, and the limo slowly came to a stop.

The divider to the driving cabin slid open, "We have arrived, Ms. Aya."

"I uh... Thank you, Mr. Kim," I rubbed the fabric of my skirt, suddenly feeling self conscious. I was here. Looking out the window of the limo, I saw his apartment building. It was much smaller than the 15 floor downtown monstrosity I lived in. There were these little bushes around, and a door leading downward. Zen's apartment was half basement, so I guessed that's where I needed to go.

The limo door slid open and Mr. Kim stood back so I could climb out. The sun was bright and hurt my eyes, so I squinted until my vision cleared. Stupid blue-eyed lack of melanin curse.

"Miss, if you would follow me," Mr. Kim motioned for me to follow, and after tensing at the butterflies in my stomach, I did.

And then, a short walk and a doorway later, I found myself standing in front of the door. Zen's front door. The door to Zen's apartment. Zen's door.

Breathe, Aya. Breathe.

"Miss, are you alright?" I could tell from Mr. Kim's voice that he didn't really care, more like he was obligated to ask.

I shook my head and forced on an uneasy smile, "Y-yeah, I'm fine!"

Before Mr. Kim got another word in, I sucked in a sharp breath... and knocked.

At first, there was nothing, so I knocked again. There was a muffled shout of "Coming!" from the other side, and then the door was pulled open. In front of me stood an Adonis of a man, long silver-white hair cascading freely down his back, a little damp from a shower. He had a towel around his shoulders and a crutch under one arm. He was wearing a tight white tank top and black knee-length shorts that stopped just above his cast. My breath quickened, blush deepening to a brilliant tomato, and I suddenly found myself staring at his grey-white cast as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Hey, um... can I help you?" Zen raised an eyebrow at my silence.

I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly found my throat dry. I swallowed noisily, shifting my weight from one foot to the other, but nothing helped. I couldn't even look at him, my nerves so on fire that I started to feel a little sick. The only sound I made was a weird sort of nervous choking.

"Uhh... You okay there?" I didn't need to look at him to know he was a little freaked out. Did fans ever accost him at his home?

"Excuse me, Mr. Ryu?" Mr. Kim stepped into view from the left of the doorway. He bowed a bit, and I looked up just in time to see Zen's already confused look deepen, "I was instructed to bring the lady to you by Jumin Han and chaperone the visit."

"The... visit...?" He blinked and slowly, oh so slowly, his eyes slid from Mr. Kim to catch my eye. It was as if I could see the cogs of his mind working, ruby-colored eyes sliding from my blue ones to my hair, my chin, my body, the scars visible at my neck and wrists. I looked away, unable to handle the sheer force of his gaze.

"... Aya?" His voice that breathless, shoulders sagging. I knew it; he was disappointed. Of course he was, who wouldn't be when faced with a short little stick girl like- "You're gorgeous."

I head snapped up, "Wh-What-?"

He was all smiles then, moving out of the doorway and ushering us inside, "Come in, come in! Aya, you vixen, you never said a word about actually coming to visit! And Driver Kim - I remember you from some of the RFA parties - so that means all those cat pictures..." His eyes widened, his face lightly up with childish glee, "You got Seven to hide the conversation, didn't you? To surprise me!"

He was just go... animated. I felt like I was going in a tailspin as I stepped into the apartment. It was sparsely decorated in light colors, the sunlight filtering in from the windows that were about halfway up the wall (since the apartment was half underground). I wrung my hands, fighting to keep my nervousness from being  _too_  obvious, and took in his apartment, memorizing every chair and door, every exit and entrance. It was an odd habit, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know every possible means of escape from any room, every thing that could be used in defense from an attacker.

You're in Zen's apartment, Aya. You don't need to do that here.

"Ahh, jagiya, I knew you were lying when you described yourself!" Zen leaned back against his couch, smile soft as he watched me drink in the room, "Oooh, if I'd known you were coming, I would've cleaned up some!" When I looked back at him, Zen was laughing, scratching his pink-tinged cheeks with a long finger, "I would've take a shower earlier, at least..."

"N-no, it's fine!" I waved both hands in front of my chest, laughing nervously myself, "I um... wanted it to be a surprise, so I ah... asked Luciel to hide that conversation with Jumin, and I lied about dancing on the phone and Jaehee called right before you to talk about the visit and I wanted outside this little cafe nearish to the apartment where Jangmi gave- Oh!"

My waving reminded me of the croissants. I blushed even  _more_  furiously, if possible, and looked down at the ground as I shoved them into his hands, "Th-th-the old lady who ran the cafe, I told her... you know, that you were injured and she... Gods, Aya, calm down, stop freaking out they're just croissants..."

Zen's laugh was infectious and I felt a little lightheaded from nerves. He took the bag, fingers brushing mine, sending shockwaves up my arm. My head snapped up to see his smile, that soft smile, as he looked from me to the bag, "A present? How kind." Zen fell silent, setting the sweet croissants on the long kitchenette island before returning to the couch. I winced at his limp.

"Well then, how long do you have?" Zen looked out the window with a grin, "It's such a nice day out, and there's a park nearby." Then, back to me, his jewel-like eyes glittering, "How about a picnic?"

I giggled, so nervous and overwhelmed by those eyes that I looked away again, "I um... sure, yeah! I'm here as long as you want me, Zen." Then, realizing how that sounded at catching the dirty little smirk on his face, sputtered, "I-I mean that is... well, I came because you're hurt and wanted to make you feel better, and Jaehee is too busy with work so... Why is Korean so hard?!" And it was hard, especially with all this blood rushing to my face.

Zen pushed off the couch, a half foot from me. That was when I noticed just how  _tall_  he was. I wasn't short, not for an American female at least, but from where I stood the top of my head was just at his chin, maybe his bottom lip. He leaned down a bit, catching my eyes, and smiled, "You're so flustered, jagiya. Do I make you nervous?"

"I-I uh... well, um..." My gaze snapped down, giddy nervousness warring with anxiety at his close proximity. I hadn't had a man this close to me in years, and the last one...

Seeing my expression darken, Zen stood straight and sighed, "You look so adorable, all flustered, that I just want to give you the tightest hug~! But I won't, I know you don't like being touched, jagiya." I just caught his wink as he passed me, "But someday~!"

He strode up to Mr. Kim and, before I could get a word out, was steering the poor driver right out the front door! "Give my thanks to Jumin, but I won't need a chaperone! Aya and I will be fine, so just wait for her, hmm?"

"I... sir-" Mr. Kim, clearly shocked at the treatment, pushing against Zen's arm at his shoulder, "Mr. Han instructed I-"

"Ahh, we'll be fine, just going for a picnic, maybe a movie at home," Zen patted his shoulder and called back to me, "Right, jagiya?" But he didn't wait for my answer and, with a light shove to get him over the doorway, Zen closed the door right in Mr. Kim's face.

The click of the apartment door was deafening. Zen didn't notice, and turned back to me with that same happy, child-like grin. I hadn't been alone like this, with a man, since  _then_. Ice settled in my stomach, spreading through me like some sick frozen flame, so even as my heart beat like a hummingbird and sweat broke out on my palms, I was frozen.

"So I was thinking; we could go to the grocery store and get some things for a picnic," Zen didn't notice my distress and limped into the kitchenette, "I don't really have anything here, so maybe some fruit and sandwich stuff, then to the park!"

The limping caught my eye. He was injured. As someone injured, I could outrun him if anything happened. And we were going outside, where I couldn't be confined. Where I couldn't be hurt without witnesses.

Aya, stop.

I came to Korea to get away from my past. To heal. And that meant learning to trust again. Zen wouldn't hurt me like  _he_  did. Zen wouldn't keep me prisoner, doing whatever he wanted whenever he wanted.

Zen was  _not_  Michael Stevens.

"... ya?" A hand waved in front of my face, "Aya?"

I yelped, jumped, and crashed right into Zen's chin. In a mess of flailing limbs, we both tripped over each other and stumbled backwards over the couch. Momentum threw us again, tumbling off the couch into the space between it and the table. I groaned, pushing myself up with one hand on the couch and the other against his chest.

I froze and paled.

I opened one eyes experimentally and saw that, yes, I was on top of Zen. He was staring up at me, eyes wide but expression soft, his hair missed and thrown about his face like a halo. Like an angel.

"Well, that was a tumble," Zen chuckled, pushing himself up by the elbows. I was still frozen, every cell in my body screaming to run because we were  _touching_  but unable to move in my shock and anxiety. Zen's head tilted left, almost curious with a furrowed brow. He reached forward with those long, slender fingers of his, and grazed one across my bottom lip.

He swallowed, Adam's apple bobbing, "What happened here, jagiya?" His voice was thick, husky, and did nothing for my poor nerves.

Zen's finger stayed against my lip, and I shivered from his tone. My mind was a haze; flee? Fight? Run to Driver Kim, get the hell out of here, book a plane back home and pretend this never happened?

"Wh... wha...?" I wanted to move, to run, to hide. Dammit, Aya, this is bad! Get  _out_  of here you fool girl! You know what happens next!

"Your lip..." His thumb replaced the finger, once again grazing lightly across my lip. It was... electric. Terrifying, "It's cut. Scabbed, so it wasn't from the fall..."

His words were so breathless, it was like Zen was on autopilot. He wasn't really thinking, and his gaze never left my lips. I raised a hand of my own, shaking like a leaf, and brushed his aside. Oh. The scab, from when I bit my lip open a couple days ago.

Then, as if touching an injury brought me back to reality, I launched backwards off Zen. I tripped, fell right back on my butt, and shot up, "Oh, um, but it on accident. No problem, um... You okay? Leg fine? Not hurt? Um, um..." I laughed, nervously scratching the back of my head and darting around the couch with a little more speed that necessary to out as much room between Zen and I as possible while still being polite.

When he groaned I peaked over the couch. He was back on the floor, running a hand through his hair and groaning. Seeing my stare, Zen looked me right in the eye and smiled, "Jagiya... You're adorable."

* * *

The grocery trip was short. We got a couple pieces of fruit, sandwiches, and this weird sort of Korean rice tea that Zen swore was delicious but I wasn't so sure about. There was rice floating  _in_  the bottle! Mr. Kim was still hanging out in the limo, now pulled a bit further down the street from the apartment. I suppose I should feel bad for leaving him there, but he  _was_  getting paid for it...

"Jagiya, you sure you've got the box?"

Zen and I packed a small box with the food and covered it with a blanket. I insisted on carrying it, since he needed his crutches to get anywhere. I nodded vigorously, "Yes, yes, I've got it. Here, let me get the door-"

He was already through it and into the hallway, chuckling, "I'm not a complete invalid."

"Oh."

Zen turned and smiled, "Come on, the Park's not far."

It wasn't, and soon Zen was instructing me where to set the box and unfold the blanket. It was a smallish park, lined with great big trees. A children's play structure took up one end if it, with little ones climbing all about with their parents nearby. We took up the other side, one with more trees shading us from the summer heat, and the last blooming flowers swaying in the breeze. It was quiet, and beautiful.

Zen set down his crutches and leaned back, "I've always wanted to go on a picnic as a date." He twisted his head to smile up at me, "You don't mind if I think of this like that, right? It's okay if you don't, Aya."

"Th-that's..." Reject him, Aya. Reject it so you don't go down that rabbit hole again, "That's okay."

"Good," Zen's eyes closed as he breathed deep, as if savoring the air.

I stared, blatantly. His skin was pale, but not in a sickly way, and with his white hair he glowed in whatever sunlight managed to filter between tree leaves. He just looked so peaceful, so angelic. He'd never given me a reason to fear him...

Maybe... maybe I should give him a chance?

You came to Korea to heal, Aya.

Zen's eyes opened, as if sensing my thoughts, and squinted when the breeze exposed a pocket of sun that hit him square in the face, "... Shoulda brought sunglasses, though."

"I-I like your eyes though-" I blushed and looked away, barely catching the shocked pink crossing his own face, "I mean... w-well..."

The blanket rustled as he sat up. I tried to look away, but he dipped his head to catch my eyes, "Ahh, don't say things like that, jagiya. My heart is beating so fast already~."

I made a show of opening the box of food and taking things out, looking everywhere but him, "H-Hyun, don't tease me!"

"Why not? It's fun," Zen laughed, long arms reaching out to help me, "I never thought you'd get this flustered in person. It's adorable." I almost didn't catch what he said next, because it was quiet and under his breath, "And hearing you say my real name like that..."

I felt a little light headed from all the blood rushing to my face. He saw, and just laughed again. We made small talk as we ate, just sort of enjoying each other's company and the cool late summer weather. Asking questions of each other - what do you like, what don't you, etc. - but little of our pasts, which I was grateful for. He probably sensed my discomfort before, on the phone.

In too short a time, we were packing the food back up and on our way back to the apartment. A bit of orange was starting to peak over the horizon. I should go home, before it got dark. Walking home from the cafe at night... I shuddered. But I couldn't bring myself to say anything, even as we passed Jumin's limo and I felt a stab of guilt at the sight of Mr. Kim on the phone.

"Oh!" Zen dropped his keys on the kitchenette counter and rounded on me with this startlingly large grin, "I forgot in all the excitement, but guess what?"

I set down the box of leftovers and started putting them in the nothing-but-water-and-beer stocked fridge. No wonder he had to go grocery shopping before the picnic, "Hmm?"

"Echo girl came by!" Zen said, still all smiles, "She already knew about the RFA, the parties, all of it. I guess she did work on a commercial for Jumin or something."

"What, really?" My eyebrows shot up, and I closed the fridge, "So... what happened?"

"Well, when I said I had to turn down the role, she insisted on changing her schedule around so I could still do it," He shrugged, then leaned against the back of the couch, looking a bit... sheepish? "I kinda felt bad for it, but here's the kicker; she's a fan of mine!" Zen laughed, "Imagine that, huh? A celebrity's a fan of me!"

I leaned against the kitchen counter, his infectious mirth spreading to me, "Of course she is. I hear all the time how famous and great you are from Jaehee- Hyun?"

He was staring, open mouth, right at me. Or more accurately, at my neck and chest. My eyes widened. My scars; could he see them? The one at my neck and wrists were hard to hide and I knew they poked out of my shirt sometimes, but they were the mild ones. Old rope-burns. Did he think they were disgusting? That would be the truth, and I expected it, but... Why did that thought hurt so much?

"You um... might not want to lean on the counter like that," Zen coughed, face growing a deep crimson as he tore his gaze away, "Good God you're hot."

"Ex-excuse me?" I looked down at myself. I wore a nice, billowy white button up with frills around the chest and the top few buttons undone. Classy, with a ruffled wrap-around skirt. Nothing promiscuous, nothing that could be-

I'd leaned forward on the counter. The billowy shirt had lifted off my chest. He could have seen straight down it.

I stifled a yelp, face turning the shade of his eyes, and stood ram-rod straight. I couldn't button the top ones, since the shirt wasn't made that way, so standing straight would have to do, "S-sorry!"

"N-no problem, jagiya," He laughed once, nervously, and tugged a bit at his shirt collar, "So... Movie time?"

* * *

In a twist of fate, we ended up watching a Japanese horror film. I'd seen it already and recommended it to Zen, who hadn't. As it turned out, we both loved the darker, more mature types of movies. It was about a girl cast as a victim in a bio-pic on a serial killer, who eventually finds out that she herself was the reincarnation of the killer. The little shocked gasps Zen made at each jumpscare or twist were some of the most adorable sounds I'd ever heard, and I soon forgot the rapidly setting sun outside.

I forgot it so much that my eyes slid closed halfway through the movie.

Something a little rough was running slowly through my hair. It felt... nice, weaving between strands as if to memorize each one. They never tugged, only smoothing down my hair after each pass. Sometimes, with my hair as long as it was, the long fingers would graze the nape of my neck, or my shoulder. And each time, I would move closer to the origin, snuggling up to their warmth.

"Aein..." A puff of air ghosted over my cheek, and I smiled. The angel with the gentle hands shifted and spoke as I drew closer to them, "The movie's over. You need to wake up."

I ignored the angel and snuggled closer. I didn't want to leave the land of warmth and dreams yet, "Just five more minutes..."

The angel laughed and it reverberated through me. His laughed settled slowly, and the hand went back to threading through my hair, "Nae sarang, what am I going to do with you?" The voice drew nearer, puffs of air hitting my cheek as he spoke, "I'm just a man, a wolf like all the others. And as much as I enjoy sitting here with you, it's late and there's something I want you to see."

A hand touched my cheek, drawing my face up. I opened my eyes slowly, vision hazy at first. The first thing that became clear was his eyes. Those eyes, the pupil dilated so much that only a thin ring of ruby red surrounded it, stared down at me. His cheeks were flushed, a pale pink against alabaster skin.

I smiled and reached up to brush his silver-white hair aside, only to wake up completely halfway there and realize just the position I was in.

I was laying on the couch, body half facing the television and torso twisted to look up at Zen. My head was in his lap, upper body covered by the fancy white jacket he always wore. My heart stopped. I'd fallen asleep on him during the movie.

"Jagiya-"

With a stranger alien sound somewhere between a choke and a squeal, I launched myself off his lap, arms flailing and body twisting in the air. Then, adding to my red-faced embarrassment, I tripped, spun, and landed flat on my butt on the carpet, staring up at Zen from ten feet away with wide eyes. I fought to not hyperventilate, and succeeded... barely.

"Ahh!" Zen threw his hands up, looking like he was torn between seeing if I was okay and utter confusion.

"N-no!" I waved both arms in front of my face, eyes squeezed shut with an almost sickening mixture of anxiety and embarrassment. I'd fallen asleep on him, a man. I had touched a man twice today. I was alone with a man. I shook my head quickly; I couldn't think like that anymore. Zen had been nothing but a perfect gentleman all day.

_Mike was a perfect gentleman at first too, Aya._

No! I shook my head again. I would  _not_  think like that. I  _would_  get over this... this...

Slowly, agonizingly, Zen's stillness dawned on me. He hadn't moved a muscle, eyes a bit wide and smile a bit strained. As if he was faced with a frightened animal he wasn't quite sure how to calm. My arms fell to my sides and the silence that stretched between us was long and awkward. Oh gods, how had he taken my sudden jump, my flailing?

My face must've paled again, because Zen moved. With all the pace of a snail, Zen slid off the couch to join me on the floor. He kept his head down, lower than mine but angled up to catch my eye, and crawled until just a couple feet from me. I scooted back an inch on reflex.

He sighed, eyes downcast but still with that tight-lipped smile, "Aya... words probably don't mean much, but I swear I will never hurt you." Zen bit his lip, looking somewhere over my head for a moment before catching my eye again, "You don't have to tell me what happened in your life before the RFA, just... give me the time to prove myself, hmm?" His smile widened a bit, some of his usual flirt returning, "I really do like you, jagiya. So much that..." his gaze broke away, next words a half whisper, "... that it scares me a bit."

"Hyun..." My heart beat a staccato in my chest. His eyes drew up to mine again, holding them surer than any chain. My words died for a moment. Part of me wanted to tell him everything. The rest of me was scared of that part; how would he react? Would he run? Any sane person would run. I pulled my knees up to my chest and went for the safest route; a small truth, a small confession, a watery smile "... can I touch you?"

His eyes widened, jaw slack, mind almost visibly racing as pink colored his cheeks, "Wh...?"

I rolled forward, onto my knees, and reached for him. Zen flinched when he saw how I shook, but I swallowed my fear and lunged before he could draw back. My trembling fingers wrapped around his, gripping as if his hand was a lifeline. But Zen didn't breathe a word of discomfort, and though I stared at our hands, I could feel his gaze burning into me.

"I... I haven't touched a man willingly in three years," I reached forward with my other hand, wrapping in on top of our joined fingers. His skin was soft, smooth, but with callouses along the pads from all manner of role practicing. I twisted his wrist so the palm faced up, and traced the lines there with a finger. It was calming, slowing the painful beating of my heart from the rapidity of a rabbit to something much more manageable.

"Aya..."

I looked up at him then, really looked at him. He looked... sad. Eyebrows drawn down, a slight frown on his lips. Anxiety gnawed at my stomach, and he could see it on my face. Zen tried to pull away, but I held firm, "Wait. Please..."

And he did, smiling softly at me, "Okay."

We sat on the floor in silence for a long while. Zen had beautiful hands, but that really wasn't surprising when the rest of him looked like just... indescribably gorgeous. This was enough. My hand slipped from his. Just being around him was enough.

"Aya," There was something thick, emotional, in his tone. Looking up at him, I saw a soft smile, and he winked, "I still have something to show you, hmm?"

"Okay."

He stood, patting his knees, and gestured for follow. He led me up a small half-hidden set of stairs towards the back of the apartment, through a sparsely decorated bedroom - that was mostly taken up by a colossal bed - and onto a star-like balcony.

I looked back towards the bedroom, "I thought the apartment was all underground."

"Only half," Zen leaned forward against the metal railing, "The bedroom of each apartment is upstairs. I like it; the stairs are sort of hidden in the corner, and it just keeps the bedroom a bit apart from the rest. And this little balcony helps." He chuckled, twisting a bit to look over his shoulder at me, "Like a separate little world."

I stepped up to the railing, a foot or so from him. The sky was dark, save for the few stars whose light penetrated the brightness of the neighborhood buildings and lights, "... it's nice."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw his nod, "Yeah. The rent is cheap; I still had to work hard to afford it when I was in highschool." He chuckled, and I twisted a bit to look at him. Zen was staring up at the stars, "I feel a bit... conflicted. About accepting Echo Girl's help."

"Why? Isn't natural to accept help when you need it?" I didn't, and look what happened.

He sighed, "I promised myself I would succeed on my own merit, my own abilities, and not rely on money or connections or anything else to get there."

"That's noble..." I sighed, looking away from him to stare across the cityscape, "But impractical."

"Really? Impractical?" Zen snorted, "It's-"

"If you ignore and dismiss the help of those who care about you, who believe in you and want you to succeed, you'll drown," I leaned forward, resting my chin on my hands that clutched the railing, "No one will fault you for accepting help when you need it."

"My brother did," Zen's tone darkened. I tilted my head to see him, cheek now against my hands. He was staring at the city now, brow furrowed, "We were close, when I was younger. My mom always called me ugly; my brother, who's a lot older than me, said it was so I didn't get a big head over my looks." He laughed, once, mirthless, "I had self esteem issues for a long time."

I'd heard him mention family once or twice in the chatroom, and never with anything good to say, "What happened?"

"He got older, went off to study law," Zen shrugged, "He started talking like my parents. We were... treated differently. He was the one with the good grades, the promise... I was the screw-up. I guess I... want to prove them wrong."

"You already have, though," I pushed off the rail and smiled up at the stars, eyes closed, "You're in a charity group that raises money for great causes, you are an amazing singer and actor - and not just because of your looks - and..."

I opened my eyes, letting my gaze fall over the balcony to the lawn. A bit of nervousness crept back into my voice. Nervousness and... sadness, "... everyone back home, and some here, always pushed me to talk before I was ready. Sing before I was ready." It was my turn to laugh sadly. My eyes itched, vision a little blurred from unshed tears at the memory of all the  _questions_  and all the _pity..._

"Aya-"

I looked at him, eyes blinking back those tears, "You didn't. You always say you'll wait for me to talk when I'm ready. I sang for you because  _I wanted to_. You don't..." I fiercely met his gaze as my hand grazed the visible edges of my scars, "You don't flinch when you see these. You didn't say a  _word_  about them. You look at me like... like I'm a person, a woman... not just a victim."

And then I smiled, "I know we haven't known each other long, but to me, Hyun Ryu... You're the exact opposite of a screw-up. You're pretty amazing."

"Aya..." There was something odd in Zen's expression. It was soft, lightly smiling, but somehow strained. I could see the pulse on his neck bulge a bit. He swallowed thickly, "May I... hold your hand? Like before?"

I blinked, a bit surprised at the request. But I held out my hand to him, stepping a bit closer to ease the distance between us. My breath quickened, heart jumping in my chest as nervousness snuffed out my anxiety. It was his turn now to caress my hand, running his long fingers over it, turning the palm up to trace the lines. Zen even touched the rope-scars on my wrist, but never dipped into the sleeve.

"Ahh..." He grinned, eyes focused in our joined hands, "I looked up the English words for jagiya. Have you?"

I swallowed nervously, "N-no, not yet." I hadn't really thought of it, to be honest.

"Honey, sweetie, darling, babe..." Zen's finger traced a scar from my wrist down the side of my thumb, "... among a few other ones."

"Oh..." I swallowed thickly, unsure what to say. I'd assumed it was something like that, but hearing him say it in my native language... I felt strangely hot. Suddenly, the thought of him calling me jagiya was a lot more... intimate, "And... um... when you called me aein earlier? And what was that other one... nae something?"

"Aein means, ah..." Zen's eyes were still on my hand. Was it really so interesting? He gave my fingers a squeeze, and I squeaked. My blush deepened; there's my answer, "Sweetheart is the closest English word I know of. As for nae sarang..." He raised my hand as if to kiss the knuckle, but didn't, merely examining my fingers closer. Zen looked down at me, over my hand, and smirked, "I'll keep that one to myself."

Heat pooled in my body and I chuckled, so thoroughly nervous that I couldn't even think. His hands in mine were so warm, so inviting, that for a split second, I'd forgotten why I was so apprehensive before. Only for a second, though.

"I-I... I could just look it up, you know..." I broke eye contact, unable to handle his intense gaze, and looked back at the stars with what I hoped was playful defiance.

"Ahh, don't do that jagiya~," Zen chuckled, low and playful himself, "At this point, it would just ruin my fun." When I looked back, he was still staring intently at my knuckles. Then, in a flash of a smile, his eyes met mine, "May I?"

I knew what he was asking, but I wasn't ready yet. I hesitated, the words on the tip of my tongue, but fear keeping them inside. Would he be angry? Disappointed? Sad? I honestly couldn't decide which was worse, but-

"It's alright to say no, jagiya, I don't mind," Zen lowered my still un-kissed hand, placing it on the railing and patting it once before taking a step back, "I can be patient." Then he laughed, and the sound was joyous, "I'll put forth all my talent and skills to impress you with just how patient I am, Aya!"

It worked, and I joined him in laughing. Part of me regretted it, but I knew myself. I wasn't ready for anything more than this, and he was just so... just so  _understanding_ about it. I wiped a happy tear from the corner of my eyes, "... thank you, Hyun."

His laughed quieted all at once. Zen coughed and turned from me, leaning back against the railing, "Aya, you know... it's getting late. Touching your hand like that, our talking... feeling you earlier, when we fell..." His face was calm, peaceful even, a ghost of a smile tugging at the edges of his lips. But Zen's words were serious, and final, "... but you know, I'm still a man. It would probably be better for us both if you went back now, hmm?"

I looked up, into the darkness of the sky, then down to the equal darkness of the streets. Jumin's limo was still here, poor Mr. Kim in the seat. I hadn't been on the chatroom, and idly wondered if I had a voicemail from Jumin or Jaehee asking why I wasn't home yet. It dawned on me that I would have to walk from the cafe to my apartment in the dark. It wasn't far, and on a somewhat major street so very well lit, but still...

"Jagiya?" I jumped a bit, turning to see Zen's worried expression, "Are you alright? I'm sorry if it seems like I'm kicking you out, I just... don't want to push you."

He was so considerate. I wanted to cry, but swallowed those feelings to smile instead, "No, no, I'm fine. You're right; it's late. Jumin and Jaehee are probably wondering why I'm still here so late."

"Oh, who cares what trustfund kid thinks? And Jaehee... she means well, but we're both adults; we can take care of ourselves, hmm?" Zen turned from the balcony and went inside. I followed behind him.

I grabbed my purse from beside the couch. Zen, ever the gentleman, opened the front door for me with a slight bow and a rakish grin, "My lady."

I laughed, "Learning English now?"

"Maybe a bit," His grin was infectious, as usual, "Just so I can talk with you more, hmm?"

My cheeks grew hot as I stepped into the coolness of the underground hallway. I turned to say goodbye, only for Zen to follow me out, "... Hyun?"

"What kind of man would I be if I let you walk yourself to the car?" Zen shrugged, slipping on his jacket and locking the door behind us. He held out his hand for me and I took it without thinking.

We walked to the car and before Mr. Kim could even open his door, Zen swerved in front of me and opened the back door himself. With an exaggerated flourish, Zen bowed and fixed me with a winning smile, "Have a wonderful night, jagiya, and get home safe."

The heat in my cheeks grew and spread. I probably looked like a tomato, and hurried into the limo to hide that fact, "Th-thank you, Hyun."

He leaned against the car door, "Call me as soon as you get home, hmm? I'm serious; please get home safe. I'll miss you every moment."

"St-stop it, Hyun," I sputtered. How could a man so beautiful sound so sincere?

"Oh? What's this?" My eyes widened at his teasing tone. What have I done? What have I unleashed? "Does my jagiya get embarrassed when I'm romantic?"

"Hyun..." I whined, scooting a seat away from the door and fastening myself in.

He blew a kiss at me, and winked, "Goodnight, my beautiful, kind jagiya. Goodnight, my little lamb, nae sara-"

"Mr. Ryu, if you would please," Mr. Kim's stoic voice cut through the tender moment with no sympathy, "We must be on our way. Mr. Han has been calling every half hour since six wanting to know the whereabouts of Miss Aya."

Oops. So I was right about Jumin, at least.

"Wait, one last thing," Zen leaned into the limo and pressed something into my hand. It was a small slip of paper with a phone number on it, "We all talk and call through the app. So... you know, just in case something happens to the app..." He was blushing. Zen was blushing. I giggled and stuffed the paper in my purse. He blew me another kiss, winked, and shut the limo door. Soon the engines started and the limo pulled away, but I found myself glued to the tinted windows, watching him until he was long out of sight.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  This chapter is super, super, SUPER long. But I just couldn't find a good place to cut it xD;;


	6. Break-in

**Disclaimer:**  I don't even own Aya's name. I named her after the protagonist of the Parasite Eve game xD;;

* * *

Chapter Five

**Break-in**

_"Mental illness leaves a huge legacy, not just for the person suffering it but for those around them."_

_\- Lysette Anthony_

* * *

The ride to the cafe was uneventful. Mr. Kim was silent the whole time, and I couldn't blame him; poor guy got stuck in a limo all day. And got harassed by Jumin. Speaking of which.

 **[Aya]:** Hello... omw home now.

 **[Yoosung]:** Omg you WERE still at Zen's!

 **[Jumin Han]:** It would have been highly inappropriate for you to stay longer, Aya. I'm glad someone has sense.

 **[Aya]:** Actually, it was Zen who said I should leave *sweatdrop emoji*

 **[Yoosung]:** Before he unleashed the beast on you?

 **[Aya]:** *sweatdrop emoji*

 **[Yoosung]:** *side-eye emoji*

 **[Jumin Han]:** *sighing emoji* Yoosung, shouldn't you be in bed? It's late and you have class in the morning if I recall

 **[Yoosung]:** Nooooo! *crying emoji* I can't no to bed yet; my guild is about to start this really big raid!

 **[Aya]:** But Yoosung... aren't finals next week?

 **[Yoosung]:** But Aya~!

I rolled my eyes.

 **[Aya]:** What's your major? You can't pass your classes if you don't study.

 **[Yoosung]:** *crying emoji*

 **[Jumin Han]:** Come to think of it, what IS your major, Yoosung? I don't believe you've ever said.

 **[Yoosung]:** *confused emoji* I haven't? Really?

 **[Aya]:** Mine is a double major between fine art and music.

 **[Yoosung]:** Wow~ What do you think mine is, Aya?

I paused. Yoosung never seemed to study, but every time he called it seemed he was in class or the library of SKY. He loved animals, which was why I suggested Jumin offer him the stray cat. He was also hit really hard by Rika's death, and I'd seen photos of a dog in her apartment...

 **[Aya]:** Veterinary medicine. You love animals and you loved Rika, and she had pictures of this big dog in her apartment...

 **[Jumin Han]:** I doubt it; Yoosung doesn't study well enough anymore, and any sort of medical career would take a lot of effort.

"That's... harsh," I murmured.

 **[Aya]:** Don't say that, Jumin. I think Yoosung is plenty capable.

 **[Yoosung]:** Yeah! I'll be the best vet ever, and I'll make Rika proud!

I blinked.

 **[Aya]:**... I was right?

Before I saw Yoosung's answer, the car door opened. We'd arrived at Jangmi's cafe; the streets were dark and quiet save for the occasional streetlight or pedestrian. I gulped; all my nervousness from before was replaced with anxiety. I left the chatroom, noting that it was nearly 11pm. Had I really stayed with Zen so long?

"Miss Aya?"

I blinked and shook my head, ignoring Mr. Kim's offered hand and exiting the car. He bowed once and excused himself. The limo pulled away, leaving me alone on the streets of Seoul at night. I reminded myself to breathe, squared my shoulders, and started off down the street.

And jumped about a million feet when my phone went off.

"H-hello?!" I sputtered, nearly dropping my phone in my haste.

It was Jaehee, _"Hello, I was just calling to make sure you got home safe."_

"I-I just got dropped off, s-s-so I'm walking home from the cafe Mr. Kim picked me up from," I held the phone tight, eyes darting all over as I sped up down the street. The interruption had rattled whatever nerves I had.

_"Are you alright, Aya? You sound... stressed."_

"C-coming from the one Jumin works to the bone," I muttered, "I don't know how you stand it. H-he's nice enough, but... but-" Something moved out of the corner of my eye and I squealed.

It was just a cat. A stray tabby cat.

_"Aya? Aya!"_

"What?" I clutched at my chest, taking a few deep breaths before laughing nervously, "S-sorry Jaehee. I um..."

 _"If you don't tell me what happened, I'm calling Luciel, demanding Rika's address, and sending Mr. Han's bodyguards to pick you up,"_  Her tone was grave and serious, and I didn't doubt her for a second.

"N-no, it's fine! I just..." I sighed, seeing no way out of this, "... I don't like being outside at night. I don't like the dark at all, really."

 _"... I see,"_  Jaehee paused, and for a second I thought she was going to hang up,  _"I'll stay on the line with you until you get home."_

"Y-you don't have to, Jaehee," I laughed nervously again, "Don't you need to sleep? Do you  _ever_  sleep?"

 _"Not as often as I should,"_  Jaehee laughed herself, a much happier sound than mine. Like she was trying to cheer me up,  _"I'm at home, working. Mr. Han is pushing for this cat project to be researched, so I spent all day on that, but what I really wanted to do was the coffee one."_

"He's got you on both projects at once?" My mouth gaped open, "Please tell me you're not doing regular assistant duties too, Jaehee."

 _"Of course I am,"_ I could picture her eye-roll,  _"I keep Mr. Han on schedule, I train and supervise the other assistants, note-take for meetings, occasionally pick up Mr. Han's dry cleaning and watch Elizabeth the 3rd (without much warning, usually). Among other things."_

I wasn't holding the phone so tightly now. The talking was helping; it was almost like I had someone here with me, "Sounds like Jumin would fall apart without you there."

_"I wouldn't go that far."_

"I would," I was nearing the apartment now, "Seriously. I'm sure if you asked, the other RFA members would set Jumin straight. Sure, he pays well, but all this work isn't healthy for you, Jaehee. And if you need help with both projects, why not ask Luciel for help with the cat one? He um...  _love_ _s_  cats and all."

 _"Are you... worried about me?"_  She sounded almost... surprised. My eyebrow twitched.

"Of course I am!" I pushed inside the apartment complex and pushed the button for the elevator, "I-I mean, I might have only known you all a week, but still. His treatment of you borders on inhumane!"

_"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. Really."_

I wasn't convinced, but dropped it. We talked about my visit with Zen - she chastised me for freaking out and falling, but was relieved neither of us got hurt - and her coffee research as I took the elevator. Her voice grew animated,  _"I've started to practice latte art at home on the rare times I'm not working."_

"You should visit the cafe I was picked up at, then," I laughed, stepping out of the elevator, "This old lady, Jangmi, runs it. She's really good at latte art, and her croissants are  _amazing_. After we meet at the party, we should go some... time..."

My front door was ajar.

_"Aya?"_

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.

_"Aya!"_

I always locked my door. Like the other apartments, it needed a pin code to open. Jaehee was shouting my name in my ear, but it took a full minute for me to actually hear it. When I did speak, my voice was a whisper, "... my door is open."

_"Open? Open how?"_

"I-it's open," I swallowed and took a step towards the door. The hall was dead silent. I didn't  _hear_  anything, but still... someone could be waiting for me inside, "The fr-front door is open. I closed it. It locks automatically, like Rika's."

_"So it's **your**  door, not Rika's?"_

I nodded numbly, though she obviously couldn't see, "... yeah."

Her voice was all serious now, all business,  _"Go to Rika's apartment. Luciel said he installed all kinds of security, right? Cameras and the like too?"_

I knew she was right, that it was the smart thing to do, but still. I didn't say anything as I edged closer to the door. My heart pounded in my ears. It wasn't  _him_ , that was impossible. But one of  _his_  friend's, family, one of his father's henchmen...

Through the slit in the door, I didn't see anyone. The lights were on, more than the one or two lamps I left on to deter burglars. So someone  _had_  been there... or still was.

_"Aya? Are you at Rika's?"_

I ignored her, taking another step towards the door. Still, there was nothing. Not even the sound of my breathing, since I hadn't for a good half minute. Then I rushed, throwing open the door so it banged against the hallway wall.

The apartment was empty. Lit, but empty. Jaehee was still calling for me, but I didn't answer her. I couldn't not yet. I stepped into the room, shaking like a leaf and eyes sweeping over every entry, every crevice, every little piece of-

The window was blown open. Glass littered the floor around it. My breath shuttered out, and I stepped back. I reached into my purse for the folding knife I kept on me at all times. Still, no sound. No movement. I peeked into the bathroom, into the bedroom, throwing open the closet doors, all of it. My apartment was empty.

_"Aya if you do not answer I am calling Luciel and demanding the apartment address, and if he doesn't give it to me, I am calling the police."_

It was safe to answer now, "Someone was here. Someone broke into my apartment."

_"Oh my God... Get to Rika's. Now."_

"Okay," I ran from my bedroom, but froze halfway to the door. I hadn't seen it going in, but taped to the wall right next to the door was a flyer. The same one Unknown had given me. The one with the sinister eye.

**_Meet the people who will love you forever._ **

**_Attend the endless party_ **

**_Don't you want to escape from this filthy world?_ **

**_This is an invitation to paradise._ **

**_Are you suffering from your past?_ **

**_We will help the pain go away._ **

**_A world filled with pleasure..._ **

**_A world filled with truth..._ **

**_A world with no tears..._ **

**_A world with no rejections..._ **

_**Accept the angel's invitation.** _

_**Magenta,** _

_**Where everyone is happy...** _

Scrawled underneath it was elegant, cursive script.

_'I apologize for missing you, Princess. Please be patient a little longer.'_

* * *

\- ZEN entered the chatroom -

 **[ZEN]:**  She's not staying there anymore.

 **[707]:**  Oh, hello Zen!

 **[ZEN]:**  What's the apartment address? I'll go get her myself.

 **[707]:**  She's in Rika's apartment now. She's safe, right Aya? *smiling emoji*

I didn't answer. Sure, I had the chatroom on, but I couldn't bring myself to type anything. So I just watched, reading in silence.

 **[ZEN]:**  Someone BROKE INTO HER APARTMENT, Seven! Sure, it wasn't Rika's, but how the hell are you gonna protect her if whoever it is comes back, and goes through RIKA'S WINDOW?!

 **[707]:**  I'm watching her on the CCTV cameras now, Zen.

 **[ZEN]:**  What the hell're you gonna do through CAMERAS?!

\- Jaehee Kang entered the chatroom -

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Zen, please calm down. I am sure Seven is doing the best he can.

 **[ZEN]:**  You can't protect someone from behind a camera!

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  ... there is truth to that. Luciel, would it be better for Aya to leave the apartment for now? I'm sure if I asked Mr. Han, she could stay at the penthouse, or maybe with yourself and your security system. That note she got-

 **[ZEN]:**  She could stay with me.

 **[707]:**  Does ur apartment door only answer to Arabic?

 **[ZEN]:**  ... no.

 **[707]:**  Does the door explode on the wrong answer?

 **[ZEN]:**  EXPLODE?!

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  I just remembered why I came in. Mr. Han should be here in a moment too, but Luciel, I received an odd email just now. It looks similar to the note Aya described to me.

She posted a screengrab in the chat. That sinister eye stared up at me, and the text was identical, though a lot of it was cut off. I shivered, scooting back further into Rika's sheets. I'd barricaded myself in the bedroom after barricading the front door. I still didn't feel safe. Not even a bit.

 **[707]:**  I'll look into it.

 **[ZEN]:**  Goddammit... first Echo Girl, then this. Today was going so well...

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  *confused emoji* Echo girl?

 **[ZEN]:**  She just showed up at my apartment, just after Aya left. It was... odd. I think she was trying to... *frustrated emoji* ... get in my pants or something. Was pretty upset when I told her off and told her to go home. Looks like I won't be able to do that role for real now...

 **[707]:**  Uwahhh?! *shocked emoji* She did WHAT?!

\- Yoosung and Jumin Han entered the chatroom -

 **[Yoosung]:**  Zen texted me. Is everything shglwekt

 **[707]:**  lolol

 **[Yoosung]:**  Echo Girl harassed you, Zen?!

My eyebrow twitched. He'd looked so happy, though apprehensive, about taking her help. To have such sickening ulterior motives... my blood boiled.

 **[Aya]:**  Are you okay, Zen?

 **[707]:**  Ah! She speaks!

 **[Jumin Han]:**  Stop playing around, Luciel.

 **[707]:**  Ah! HE speaks!

 **[ZEN]:**  I'm fine, jagiya. I'm just... god, I'm so worried about you.

My shoulders sank, and I smiled sadly.

 **[Aya]:**  Thank you, for worrying.

 **[ZEN]:**  Are you... okay?

 **[Aya]:**  I'm alive.

 **[ZEN]:**  That's not what I asked.

I didn't reply back. I knew he could tell, even from across the city, how I was feeling. He'd seen a small taste of my anxiety earlier. I never wanted him to see the rest. The screaming, the thrashing like a wild animal... the dead-eyed stare when I'd just given up. Zen could never see that. The conversation quickly turned to other topics, with Jumin promising to send everyone but me security guards. The 'but me' being because the only one who knew the address of the apartment was Luciel, and he wouldn't do a thing without the okay from V.

It was frustrating. Luciel knew, in some ways better than Zen, my anxiety. He and ostensibly V were the only ones who knew about Unknown meeting me before, when he covered the cameras. Yet he was so adamant about waiting for word from V. And V, now of all times, wasn't answering his phone. Yoosung was first to unleash his frustration at V in the chat, followed by - surprisingly - Zen. He just got... so worked up in the chat that he left abruptly, after telling off Luciel  _and_  Jumin.

Less than ten seconds later, my phone went off, "Hello?"

 _"Jagiya,"_  He sounded breathless, like he'd been running, and oh so worried,  _"Tell me where you are, and I'll come get you. Classified documents and information be damned."_

"Hyun..." I bit my lip hard. I wanted to. Every fiber of my being wanted to, "I'm at-"

My phone buzzed and I pulled it from my ear enough to see a text from Luciel. He was begging me not to tell Zen the location of the apartment until he heard from V. That he would explain later, but it would be dangerous for RFA members to be there. Dangerous? For Zen? For the others?

A small part of me regretted ever getting involved in the RFA.

_"Aya?"_

"I... I can't tell you," My knuckles turned white as I clenched the phone, "I... It's supposed to stay a secret."

 _"Aya, please..."_  I wanted to cry at his tone. His voice was so thick with worry,  _"The thought of you getting hurt..."_

"I-I've been hurt before," I hit the speaker button on my phone and set it against Rika's pillow, leaning down in the blankets and fingering along one of the scars on my arm. After a minute of silence, I shored up my resolve and said, "There's nothing Unknown can do to me that hasn't been done before."

 _"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"_  A low growl laced his words, but I knew the anger wasn't for me.

"No, but..." My eyes watered, and I twisted in the bed to stare at his profile picture on the phone. His worry was making me worry and when I worried, I remembered. The ropes, the chains, the  _pain._

When Zen spoke, his words were soft. Good gods, how did he  _know_?  _"Jagiya... if you won't tell me, can I at least sing you to sleep? You're thoughts will be filled with me, and then when you dream, and I dream, we can see each other."_

I laughed, an anxious tear slipping down my cheek, "You believe that?"

 _"Of course!"_ Zen laughed, and I was grateful. He was struggling to hide his own worry to keep me from wallowing in mine,  _"We can go on another date in our dreams, hmm?"_

A smile crossed my tired face, and I snuggled a bit deeper into the pillow. It was like his voice was a balm, soothing away some of my anxiety, "That sounds nice."

There was shuffling on the other side, like fabric sliding against itself. Was he in bed too?  _"Well then, jagiya; what shall I sing?"_

"More Phantom?" I wound the blankets around myself like a cocoon, "We both know that one."

 _"Hmm... nah, how about something a bit more fun?"_  Zen chuckled, the sound going straight to my stomach. I blushed,  _"Do you know Moulin Rouge?"_

"Do I-?!" I laughed out loud, suddenly catching myself. The room was lit, but I still couldn't bring myself to be too loud. I half-whispered my next words, "My friends and I watched it religiously in high school."

 _" Love is a many splendored thing,"_ His voice, half-singing half-spoken, filtered through the phone. I blinked. He couldn't be... this one? He knew the english lyrics? But it was a duet. How was he going to... did he want me to...?  _" Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love."_

My lips fell open, the next words stuck in my throat. Should I? Sing again? He wasn't demanding - he hadn't even asked, really - and I knew that if I just said no, he would sing something else, but...

_"It's alright, jagi-"_

"Please don't start that again," My voice trembled a bit, even though the line wasn't even sung.

He chuckled, then sang at full volume,  _" All you need is love!"_

That line was  _made_  for this man, I swear, "A girl has got to eat!"

_" All you need is love!"_

"She'll end up on the street!"

_" All you need is love!"_

I paused, swallowing noisily. The next line was the first one the female singer would sing. My exhale was noisy, shuttering, and Zen started to apologize. But before he even finished the first words, I sang, "Love is just a game."

Zen laughed, loud and boisterous. I couldn't help but chuckle as his singing voice, so beautiful, took the most playful edge,  _" I was made for loving you baby; you were made for loving me~!"_

Again, another line made for Zen. I sat up in the bed to sing better, breathless at first but gaining strength with each successive note. Still nowhere near what I used to, but still... "The only way of loving me baby is to pay a lovely fee."

_" Just one night~ Give me just one night~!"_

I laughed, I couldn't help it. He was putting his all into it, even though it was through the phone. So I added my own sass to the line, feeling even more of my anxiety melt away, "There's no way, 'cause you can't pay~."

_" In the name of love! One night, in the name of love~!"_

This was ridiculous. Neither of us had backing music obviously, and his lovely, gorgeous,  _breathtaking_  voice was a bit muffled and off over the cellphone call. But that didn't stop the giddy feeling in my stomach, "You crazy fool. I won't give in to you."

 _" Don't. Leave me this way. I can't survive, without your sweet love,"_ My breath hitched. I didn't know if it was his acting skills or his singing, but a shiver ran down my spine,  _" Oh baby... don't leave me this way."_

My shoulders sank a bit, emotion welling within me. But for once, oh for once... it wasn't unwelcome emotion, "You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs."

 _" I look around me and I see it isn't so,"_ Zen chuckled again, his singing warming me through,  _" Oh no."_

"Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs," I twirled off the bed, giggling under my breath.

Then came his next line. The words were breathless, more pleading than singing, and I froze,  _" Well what's wrong with that? I'd like to know."_

My breath shuttered, "Hyun..."

 _"Ahh, too much nae sarang?"_  His voice was light, but somehow thick at the same time.

I flopped back onto the bed, sinking into the comforters and sheets. Conflicted emotions assaulted me. Part of me wanted to keep singing. Part of me was struck by the emotion behind  _his_  singing. And yet another piece of myself, as usual, was scared to keep going. But I couldn't deny it. I felt lighter, freer, in a way that nothing back home could do.

Was this... healing?

"Thank you, Hyun," I stood to dim the lights then snuggled back into bed, "I don't know why, but talking to you... it helps."

 _"I'm glad,"_  He sighed,  _"I still don't like you staying there, though."_

"I know..." I pulled the blankets around my shoulders, cradling the phone in one hand, "Thank you for worrying. And cheering me up... and gods... everything."

 _"You keep thanking me, but I really feel like I should thank you,"_  Zen's voice dropped low, almost seductive with a slight chuckle,  _"Cheering me up when I've got this useless leg - even though I swear I'm getting the damn cast taken off tomorrow - being just so damn cute and understanding..."_

I cut him off with a yawn before he could do into some sort of praise-spree, "Hyun, it's late. All this praise is going to go to my head and I won't be able to sleep."

 _"Ahh, can't have that can we? We won't meet in our dreams then,"_  Zen chuckled,  _"You deserve every ounce of praise in the world, jagiya, but oh well. There will be much more time for that later. Go, sleep now. Dream sweet dreams, hmm? If you do, I'll meet you there."_

"Goodnight, Hyun."

_"Goodnight, nae sarang."_

With the light from the phone now off, only the warm glow of the dim bedside lamp illuminated the room. My smile slowly faded. Without his soft voice, some of my anxiety returned. I swallowed and closed my eyes, trying not to think of the day and just focus on that phone call with Zen. Focus on the singing, not the hole in my apartment window. Luciel was watching over me. I was safe here. Right?

* * *

_"In the case of The People vs. Michael Stevens, how does the defendant plead?"_

_"Not guilty."_

_I cried. Lights and shadows of the courtroom shifted and morphed like sinister ghosts around me. Exhibits, examinations, cross-examinations, evidence... photographs. Expert witnesses, eyewitnesses... reporters. Throughout all those moments, I cried. Reliving those events, reliving **him**  over and over and over... then..._

_"In the cast of The People vs. Michael Stevens, we the jury find the defendant guilty on all charges."_

_Relief._

I gasped, flying up in bed and flinging the blankets aside. Sweat drenched me, heart beating a wild and painful staccato rhythm in my chest. I clenched at my nightshirt, the damp fabric abrasive against my palm. Abrasive. Real.

A strange, strangling sort of noise ripped from my throat. I doubled over myself, eyes squeezed shut.

"It's okay. It's okay," I repeated the phrase like a mantra. The nightmare wouldn't get to me. I wouldn't let it, "It's okay. It's okay." He was in prison. I was in another country. He couldn't hurt me anymore, "It's okay. It's okay."

Many minutes later, the feeling ebbed away. I took in a deep, cleansing breath, and finally looked over to check the time. Just passed 8am. I fell back into unfamiliar blankets, sinking in and willing my beating heart still. With a glance and a flick of the wrist, I saw Jaehee in the chatroom, and smiled.

 **[Aya]:**  Good morning, Jaehee.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Good morning, Aya. Sleep well? Have breakfast?

I wasn't about to tell her the truth. And there, like clockwork, was the question about meals.

 **[Aya]:**  Yes, but no breakfast yet. Jumin still working you to the bone?

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** Yes, but... I took your suggestion.

 **[Aya]:**  Suggestion?

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Remember? Asking Luciel...?

 **[Aya]:**  Oooooh... *smiling emoji*

I made a mental note to call Jaehee later and get the details. This wasn't something Jumin really needed to know about, so talking about it in the chat was just tempting fate.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Ah, sorry I'm due for a meeting. Mr. Han has a lunch meeting with his father, so I'm filling in for a couple hours.

 **[Aya]:**  You can do that? Just... fill in for him?

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  There is rumors surrounding Chairman Han, Mr. Han's father, and a new woman he is dating. So filling in for Mr. Han for a bit is a welcome break compared to dealing with  _that_... what is the English phrase?  Worm of cans?

 **[Aya]:**  Can of worms.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  Ah, sorry; English wasn't my best subject in school.

 **[Aya]:**  Get Luciel to install his translator program.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  *shocked emoji* Translator program?

\- ZEN entered the chatroom -

 **[ZEN]:**  Jagiya! Did you sleep well?

His mere presence in the chat room was enough to bleed out the rest of the anxiety from my dream. I worried my lip, feeling almost... playful. Which was... odd. Not like me. But not entirely unpleasant.

 **[Aya]:**  Very well and with thoughts of you... nae sarang.

 **[ZEN]:**  ...

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  *shocked emoji*

 **[ZEN]:**  Aya... careful. You're tempting the beast there... *winking emoji* *heart emoji*

Uh-oh. Maybe I shouldn't have used words I don't know the meaning of to tease Zen. I voiced such, and Zen started laughing in the chat. Over and over, filling up the screen.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:**  *sighing emoji* Aya... nae sarang means "my love".

My eyes widened.

 **[Aya]:**  o-oh...

Then...

 **[Aya]:** HYUN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?! *blushing emoji*

 **[ZEN]:** *heart and wink emoji*

 **[Aya]:** Omg...

 **[ZEN]:** *heart and wink emoji*

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** Ahem... Zen, I would be careful. If your fans found out about your feelings for Aya, it would cause a scandal.

My heart stopped for a frightening second, "... Feelings?"

 **[ZEN]:** I can't help it, Jaehee. She's just so cute when flustered. I'm picturing her blushing face right now~ So cute~

**[Aya]:** It's to early for this.

**[ZEN]:** Ah, jagiya before I forget; I just got off the phone with Director Eunha. She was ecstatic when I said I would do the Phantom musical instead. Apparently she's still having trouble casting Christine. You know... *winking emoji*

 **[Aya]:** No.

 **[ZEN]:** Jagiya you would do so well though!

 **[Aya]:** NO.

 **[ZEN]:** nae sarang~!

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** *sighing emoji*

 **[Aya]:** I AM NOT AUDITIONING FOR CHRISTINE, HYUN. *angry emoji*

We went back and forth for a while like that. Poor Jaehee practically ran out of chat, something about a meeting with Jumin's father. Zen and I went back and forth, him teasing and me getting more and more exasperated by the moment. Like a heaven-sent angel, a call from Director Eunha drew him out of the chat and gave me a moment to collect myself. I hadn't thought of the break-in the whole time.

V popped in, just a for a minute, apologizing profusely for the window. He promised to send someone the next day to fix it, and soon Luciel entered to state he was going over all the security footage and algorithms to beef up the security. I offered my computer-savvy friend Kyoko to help, but Luciel shot that down.

 **[707]:**  Another hacker wouldn't really help here. Maybe later down the line, to help run stress tests on the security system, but not until after I've beefed it up.

Strangely matter-of-fact for Luciel, I thought. The break-in must have spooked even his usually flippant nature. Then, V dropped the bombshell. He was pushing the party back a couple days, until the apartment was a hundred percent secured. That put it as the day before I went back to college. I was grateful. I could feel some of my anxiety lessen, knowing that I would have an extra few days to help out. I didn't think I could leave Rika's bedroom just yet, much less do anything else for the party outside of what I could do from my phone. But then, just after Luciel left but before V could follow, Yoosung popped into the chatroom.

 **[Yoosung]:**  V, you're here.

I tuned out the chat for a bit to answer some emails. When I looked back, I couldn't help but sigh. It was obvious Yoosung harbored animosity towards V, but now - not even five minutes into the chat - he was actively trying to antagonize the RFA leader. About Rika, what she was like, about her suicide, how they really only had V's word to go on about her death. I would be lying if I said that didn't sound suspicious; V was the last person to see Rika alive, who threw herself off a cliff two years ago, and no body was ever found. Granted, according to Jumin, he  _had_  been cleared by the police...

 **[Yoosung]:**  Rika wouldn't have killed herself! She wasn't sick or anything, V!

 **[V]:**  She was. Rika was mentally ill.

Of course Rika was, she killed herself. Healthy, mentally intact people don't generally go jumping off cliffs. But I didn't type a response, and merely watched.

 **[Yoosung]:**  ... What?

 **[V]:**  God. I'm sorry. I. I have to go.

\- V left the chatroom -

Yoosung didn't type anything in chat for a long while, though I could see he was still there. It must have been a bombshell to him. The man was so sweet, so innocent seeming in the chat. He didn't know the horrors of mental illness, and the things it can make people do. He didn't know what it was like to live with depression or PTSD, how hard it was. And I sincerely hoped he never found out.

 **[Aya]:**  Yoosung?

 **[Yoosung]:**  Rika wasn't sick... she wasn't!

 **[Aya]:**  Sometimes even the people closest to someone with a mental illness don't see it. The person with the illness can fight to hide it. I'm sorry, Yoosung. I know from experience that it's hard to deal with.

For a long moment, he typed nothing. Then, just before I went back to my emails, my phone went off.

 **[Yoosung]:**  ... did someone close to you kill themselves too, Aya?

I loosed a shuttering sigh, almost smiling. Such a naive boy, even though we were about the same age.

 **[Aya]:**  It's a long story, but you could say that I guess. *smiling emoji* Go drink some hot tea and rest. That's what helps me. Or... *laughing emoji* Play some LOLOL. Just not too much. You're on term break, right?

 **[Yoosung]:**  Yeah... for like a week. Term starts right after the party, since V pushed it back.

 **[Aya]:** Oh I know. *smiling emoji* We'll be fellow students then.

 **[Yoosung]:**  Fellow... *shocked emoji* YOU'RE GOING TO SKY?!

I laughed, the sudden shift in the feeling of the chatroom nearly tangible.

 **[Aya]:** Yes, Yoosung.

 **[Yoosung]:**  Wow~! We can study together! I mean, you're the artsy type right Aya? So we won't have a lot of classes in common... but we can still help each other!

We chatted off and on about classes for a bit, before Yoosung left to get tea and play LOLOL. I finished off my emails and retreated back to Rika's bedroom. But sleep didn't come easily. Something odd settled in the pit of my stomach. A mix of feelings; the usual ever-present anxiety was joined by a strange apprehension. I couldn't go back to my apartment yet, because of the break-in, and Rika's apartment  _was_  safer... but after that chatroom, I couldn't stop thinking about the dead woman who once lived here.

I rolled on my back underneath the bed covers, staring at the dark ceiling. How sick was she? I didn't have the chance to hide my illness at first, but the more you smile and placate the people around you, the more you get away with down the line. Like the people around me wanted to believe I was okay, so overlooked the little things. How I would freak out if someone touched me, my little slip ups in speech, my fear of the dark and being bound, covering up my scars...

I wondered if Rika was like me, the one now taking her place in the RFA.

What was her life like? How did her mental illness manifest? No one seemed to suspect a thing, given Yoosung's reaction, but then again the people closest usually overlook the most. My friends and family did; why not Rika's?

As my thoughts spiraled, darker and darker with the walls of the room closing around me, my phone went off. I turned my head and caught the edge of Zen's face on my phone. I just... stared at it, the light illuminating in the darkness, until that light was snuffed out once again the room was plunged into darkness. I felt numb as I rolled back over, back to the phone. I remembered how no one back home noticed anything was wrong until it was too late. I curled my fists in the sheets, tight-chested, and squeezed my eyes shut. The anxiety grew, bubbling like an active volcano just beneath the surface. I remembered what one of my therapists back home taught me.

"Fig, apple, cherry, asian pear, lilac, plum," I said each word slowly, drawing in deep breaths and picturing each of the trees and vines of my childhood home in as much vivid detail as possible, "Raspberry, marionberry, rubarb, grape..."

I kept going, listing off all the plants I could remember, picturing running around with Kyoko and Derek picking apples in the back yard. Their smiles, my smiles, our laughter... bringing the apples in for mom to teach us how to make pies and use the dehydrator. Mom was a great baker, even though dad was the real cook in the family. I smiled at the memory of dad in a nerdy cook apron, the three of us running around making a mess of the flour.

_"You'll never go anywhere ever again. I love you."_

_His_  teeth were at my ear, fingers at my spine, hot breath freezing me as my scars  _burned_.

I curled up and whimpered once, choking out, "Fig, apple, cherry, asian pear, lilac, plum-"

My phone went off again. I ignored it, "-Raspberry, marionberry, rubarb, grape."

Slowly, the feel of him faded. Happy memories of back home replaced it. Of pies and laughter and running around. Of my life before meeting Michael Stevens. When I felt the anxiety finally subside, I rolled back around. My phone was blinking from the missed calls, so I reached over and checked it. Three, all from Zen. I bit my lip and set it back so the phone faced down. I couldn't. I wanted to talk to someone, to spill everything, to be held and comforted... but I couldn't.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I am sore and tired from work. Bed time for me. But good news~! I finally got through all the main storylines in the game, so I'm gonna go through the DLCs before I play through the bed endings and save up hourglasses for the secret endings. I mean, like, most of it was spoiled for me ages ago but whatever! xD;;; Also, slight Jessica Jones reference there (plants instead of street names). Looooove that show! Also, soon... soon... the fun begins :D


	7. The Cage

**Disclaimer:**  Zen is a plaster bust with a wig. Totally.

* * *

Chapter Six

**The Cage**

_"You cannot free someone who is caged in their own self."_

_\- Anjum Choudhary, Souled Out_

* * *

I spent most of the next day answering emails and practicing my violin. I was... numb. The only way to describe it was numb. Like every day after a panic attack, even a little one like the night before, I needed time to cool off. But I also wanted someone to hold me. But I couldn't have anyone hold me. I wanted to be touched, to be held and understood, but at the same time I didn't want that.

Contradictions, see? Therefore, numb.

So I played and I painted, I danced and I worked. It helped. I forced myself to think it was helping. It had too.

By midday, I had three more missed calls from Zen, one from Jaehee, and some bland replies on my part the one time I checked in the messenger. I set my violin down and downed a glass of water before settling in for more emails. I had to keep busy. If I stopped moving for more than a second, my mind would wander. I couldn't have that.

My phone went off. I nearly ignored it again, but it... wasn't my ringtone. It was the most god-awful dying-cat meow. Not the cute kind... the nails on chalkboard kind. It was Luciel, and it just. Didn't. Stop. The call never ended, never went to voicemail. My eyebrow twitched. Didn't he realize that I wanted to be left alone?

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and accepted the call with a short, curt tone, "Luciel, I'm busy."

 _"I can see that, my foreign enigma!"_  He laughed that weird, nasally way of his,  _"You're in Rika's apartment, so I'm obviously watching over you~!"_

My eyes drifted up to one of the many cameras taking in all angles of the apartment. My eyebrow twitched again, and I covered my eyes with a hand, "Luciel, please. I... really can't people right now."

_"I know. I saw last night on the camera."_

I nearly dropped the phone, "Y-you saw that?"

He hummed,  _"Yup. Reeeally hoped you would've picked up one of Zen's calls. Almost called myself, but then you went and fell asleep."_  I didn't say anything, so he went on,  _"Zen's been freaking out in the chat all day."_

Freaking out? All I'd seen was a dozen different messages of him being worried, and something about a dream he had. About me in a gilded cage. How he was worried, and had a bad feeling. Even a mini-argument with Luciel where he demanded the apartment address. I wasn't about to touch any of that with a ten foot pole.

_"You should call him, Aya~!"_

My eyes shifted to the camera, "Not right now, Luciel."

_"Come on. I bet you'll feel better."_

"I bet I won't."

_"How about you call and chat with Zen for a bit, who is so **down**  and  **depressed**  with his injury and without his jagiya in the chat~!"_

I groaned. When Luciel said Zen's little nickname for me, it just... didn't sound right. Like the persistent joking tone in his voice was tainting it. I bit my lip, eye flickering between the camera and my computer. I didn't want to call Zen. But I wanted to call Zen. After last night, I'd had six missed calls from him. The voicemail Jaehee left even asked me to call Zen, because she didn't like him so stressed when injured. 'So stressed'... I hadn't listened to Zen's voicemails left. Maybe I should.

_"He will sooth your heart and you'll sooth his! The Juliet to his Romeo, but with hopefully better life choices and less poison-"_

I hung up on Luciel and my finger hovered over Zen's voicemails. Biting my lip, I clicked on the first;

 _"Aya, Aya are you alright? Please call me asap; I had a dream that you were crying in a cage, and after the break-in... god, Aya, please be okay,"_  His tone... good god, his tone. High, fast, frightened. I clicked the next one.

 _"Jagiya, call me. Please. I'm worried; I don't want anything to happen to you. I know it was just a dream, but it felt so real and sometimes I have these prophetic dreams. They always come true right after, and I can't! I won't see you in a cage! Please, call me,"_  I sobbed, hand flying to my mouth as guilt gnawed my insides. That tone was getting worse. I clicked the next one.

 _"Are you there? I called Seven and he said you were still in bed in the apartment. He sounded a bit stressed though... are you okay? Please call me when you get this, jagiya,"_  Less panicked, but somehow even worse.

The fourth didn't have a voicemail, but the fifth did,  _"Jagiya... Aya... did you sleep well? Seven said you did. But that dream... I can't help it. I'm worried. Call me."_  He was calmer. I almost smiled, watery as my expression was, and sighed heavily. I clicked the last.

_"You were in chat a bit today, jagiya. I hope you're alright. Maybe I'm just overreacting... but I'm serious, I have these dreams sometimes and they come true. They do! And I... I never want to see you in a cage, Aya. You deserve happiness and freedom. God... please call me, I want to hear your voice."_

So I called him. I gripped the phone in white knuckled hands and called Zen.

The phone rang. And rang. And rang... then went to voicemail. I hung up without leaving a message, and stared at my phone for a long second before moving to set it back down... and it went off.

"H-hello?" I bit my lip.

 _"Aya! Oh, jagiya it's you!"_  Zen's tone was so relieved, so high-strung with worry and happiness, that I couldn't help a little smile,  _"I can't tell you how good it feels to hear your voice again, jagiya. I was so worried, after that dream... I don't want anything to ever happen to you, nae sarang. Did you eat dinner yet? Are you tired? Did anything happen last night? Seven said the workers were coming to fix your window and-"_

I giggled, immediately feeling so much lighter. Why had I put off calling him for so long? It was as if his voice was a healing balm, "I'm fine, Hyun. Really. Good night sleep, just had a snack, working on the RFA emails." I stopped myself. He didn't need to know how dark my thoughts got last night. Why I didn't answer his calls. But my curiosity got the better of me on one thing, "What happened in your dream? You mentioned a... a cage." I shuddered. Cages were something I knew well.

 _"I dreamt someone kidnapped you from the apartment. **Rika's**  apartment, not yours. They..." _His words stopped my breathing,  _"They had this whitish hair with pink tips, and weird-"_

"Cyan eyes," My voice took a high keening quality, "With... oh god oh god... A tattoo on his right arm?"

 _"A big one, yeah, of this creepy eye. Why?"_ Zen paused for a second. I'd lost my voice, panic threading like poison through my veins,  _"... Aya?"_

"Oh god oh god oh god," I slid to the floor and sobbed once. It was only a dream. But Zen said his dreams were like prophecies sometimes, and he'd never seen Unknown before. No one else had, save Seven's grainy security camera footage.

"Hyun, come get me please. Please, please Hyun," My eyes darted around the apartment. With all it's security features and hacker protection, how safe was it? The walls closed in around me, reminding me of the truth. Security is all well and good, but nothing to someone beside you. Alone is dangerous. Alone leads to capture.

Something moved. I gasped and scrambled back, smacking into Rika's desk and knocking something off with a resounding clatter. I looked again; nothing was there.

_"Aya? Aya!"_

"I... I need someone here," My vision blurred, and I furiously wiped the tears away as my panic caused sharp pain in my chest. Not now, not now. I need to think. Not flashback. Don't flashback.

Then, as clear as day, I heard  _his_ voicr against my ear, so real I felt  _his_  breath tickling the hairs, "Didn't I tell you, Aya? Together forever."

I screamed. Long and loud, launching myself across the room with wild eyes and clawing fingers. The door was locked electronically. Security. Rika. RFA. Zen.

I swerved back around.  _His_ ghost was gone. My phone was cracked and dark on the other side of the room. I'd thrown it? When?

Slowly, I inched back to the device. My heart still beat painfully, my vision narrowed to the fine point of the broken phone. The impact had ended the call, but I breathed a sigh of relief when it turned back on. Just the screen was cracked.

That hope burned when I opened Mystic Messenger. All that greeted me was that all-seeing, sinister eye.

"No. No no no no," I clutched the device so tight it hurt. Nothing worked. Not turning it off and on, not pushing the buttons, nothing.

Would he come? Would Zen come res-

No.

My chest was tight, like a rubber band stretched to snapping. But as I stared at , a strange numbness started to replace it. I couldn't wait to be saved. Like before, I had to save myself. I couldn't reply in anyone else.

"Get up, Aya," I hissed through clenched teeth, " _Get up_."

And I did. On shaky legs, I stood, phone still in hand. The front door was still locked tight, through Unknown's doing or Luciel's I didn't know. I was in the fifteenth floor, so the windows should be safe unless someone was crazy enough to, I don't know, repel down the building?

I looked at my phone. It changed. Mystic Messenger was open. My fingers flew over the type face, but I couldn't send anything. I could only read, like I wasn't even in the chatroom at all.

 **[ZEN]:** I think she threw her phone at the wall. I tried calling her back, but...

 **[707]:** She looks fine on the monitors. Well, on the verge of a mental breakdown, but fine. Jeez, did you have to scare her with your dream so much?

 **[ZEN]:** It wasn't just a dream, Seven! I need to go to her!

 **[707]:** I'm watching her, it's fine. The apartment has a tooooooon of security. Like, a lot a lot. Lots. Looooads. Did it all myself! *Smiling emoji*

 **[ZEN]:** I don't care about your goddamn security! She was. God. She was crying, Seven!

\- Yoosung entered the chatroom -

 **[Yoosung]:** Whoa. Aya's in trouble?

 **[707]:** Nah, she cool.

 **[ZEN]:** I don't have time for this.

\- ZEN left the chatroom -

 **[Yoosung]:** I think you made him mad, Seven.

 **[707]:** There's nothing to worry about! Agent 7-0-7 is keeping our little foreign enigma all warm and cozy and safe! See, she's totally smiling!

He posted a screen grab of whatever security monitors he had in Rika's apartment. It was a bit grainy and in black and white.

 **[Yoosung]:**... Her back's to the camera.

 **[707]:** details, details. Betchu she's smiling.

I was not smiling.

 **[707]:** Gotta get back to work! Ms. Vanderwood's back with a whip and a mop!

 **[Yoosung]:**... A whip?

 **[707]:** You've got to whip it. Into shape. It's not too late. To whip it. WHIP IT GOOD!

\- 707 left the chatroom -

 **[Yoosung]:** Omg.

Would that man ever take anything seriously? But his oddness distracted me. The tenseness loosened in my chest. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe I was just panicking for no reason. Luciel was a cyber security specialist. He knew what we was doing. I wouldn't be surprised if he had hidden lasers or other security measures or something hidden in the apartment to get rid of intruders. Probably something cat-shaped.

I slumped on the couch. Stay calm, Aya. Stay calm. I can do this. I can ignore the shifting shadows of the corners of the room.

The tightness returned. I still couldn't type in the Messenger. I couldn't even close it out. What do I do? How do I tell Luciel I was locked in? Did he lock me in? But he wouldn't have disabled my phone like this. He wouldn't have used that Eye.

My eyes fell on a stack of paper on Rika's desk. I snatched one up and scrawled a note, big and bold with a black sharpie inside the desk, and held it up to the nearest camera in one hand. I kept my phone in the other, to watch the chat.

\- 707 entered the chatroom -

 **[707]:**  What do you mean, you can't use your phone? You can only see the chatroom? Did you break it?

 **[Yoosung]:**  What're you talking about, Seven?

I scrawled a more detailed explanation on the other side of the paper.

 **[707]:**  I can't read that, Aya. Hold it closer.

So I did, dragging over Rika's desk chair.

 **[707]:**  Okay. Okay. Shit. Um... You're safe in the apartment. Don't worry, no one can get through the great Seven-Zero-Seven's encryption.

My shoulders slumped. I retrieved another paper and scrawled again.

 **[707]:**  Hey! You getting the app in the first place was a fluke. A momentary lapse!

 **[Yoosung]:**  OMG are you talking to Aya through the cameras?! She can't use her phone?! *shocked emoji* OMG ZEN WAS RIGHT!

 **[707]:**  Nah, he wasn't. Gimme juuuuust a minute; someone's banging on my front door. Gotta check it out before it explodes in their face. Be right baaaack, my foreign enigma!

\- 707 has left the chatroom -

"Goddammit, Luciel!" I nearly chucked the phone again. Did he take  _anything_  seriously? Oh gods. Someone was  _after_  me.  _Again_. And damn him, Luciel knew! He knew my past, knew what happened... why couldn't he be serious for  _once_  in his life!

I sunk to the floor and cried. I cried and cried and cried until tears washed down my face and dripped onto the hardwood floors. Then, when my eyes ran dry and vision cleared, I stared with dead eyes for what felt like an eternity.

"Get up, Aya.  _Get up_."

And I did. With a strange, floaty calmness I stood and walked to the door. Still locked. I walked to the window, just in case I could somehow use the ledge to get out. Also locked. So I retrieved a knife from the kitchen. I took it, and sat with my back against one of the walls, with both the window and front door in view. In my other hand, I held the phone, and only then did I check it. I'd missed something, and with my phone in the state it was I couldn't scroll up.

 **[Yoosung]:**  Zen threatened you *shocked emoji*

 **[707]:**  Yup.

 **[Yoosung]:**  Whoa *shocked emoji*

 **[707]:**  Yeah... super gap moe. If Zen didn't belong to Aya already... *heart emoji* Well, Aya's still on the floor by the couch. Security looks fine to me, no break in's or anything.

Luciel was wrong. There had been a breach in his security. Because I wasn't sitting by the couch. I was on the other side of the apartment.

I held the kitchen knife tighter. Minutes passed, or hours, I couldn't be sure. The chatroom was full of reassurances, from Yoosung and Luciel and eventually Jumin. Jaehee was the most worried, Luciel the least. Almost as if the hacker knew something the others didn't. In fact, he wasn't concerned in the least, refusing even Jumin's demand to send a bodyguard. Just what was these "security" features of his?

The window shattered inward with an ear-splitting crash, sending shards of glass flying around it. And there, in the middle of the halo of shards, was a man. Tall and lean, doubled over from his entrance, and with that same pink-tipped white hair. He slowly lifted his head to stare at me with those clouded, unnerving cyan eyes. Through his mask, I could see his lips curve in a smile, and in his tuned and altered voice, I heard bliss.

"I thought you'd be busy with the party," Unknown stood with practiced grace. He extended his tattooed arm, smiling so wide that his eyes closed. He paused, and I tried to speak. To scream, to plead, to anything, but my throat was dry. Unknown tilted his head, frowning, "You want to scream? Shh, I'll just force you to shut up so you better be quiet." Then, he smiled again, "I am here to take you to Paradise."

"I won't go back to him!" I slid up the wall, heart beating, body shaking. I would rather die than go back there.

Unknown's eye snapped open. He looked almost... confused, "Hmm? Do you think that I..." Then, he laughed. It was a sickening sound, "Oh, oh of course you'd think I was an ally or friend of that sick man. No, no of course not. You were chosen  _because_  of the pain you've gone through." Again, he extended a hand, "The Savior chose you, of all the options I found, to go to Paradise. To be saved. Now come, Aya."

"N-no!" I raised the knife, handle slick with sweat as my heart pounded painfully.

Again, Unknown looked completely unfazed by the weapon. Instead, he looked down at the glass and sighed, "Of course you can't, the glass is in the way. You're not wearing shoes; we don't want you to hurt yourself. Don't worry." Unknown smiled, "I'll come to you."

"St-stay back!" Where were all of Luciel's security? The alarms, the police, turret guns, whatever the hell he had to protect the apartment apart from some damn cameras?! "I... I don't want to go to your Paradise!"

"No one does at first," Unknown just... sighed. That kind of heavy sigh an annoyed parent would give to their kid, "They don't know, they don't understa-"

"AYA!"

My heart leaped and I dropped the knife. It fell with a resounding clatter.

Zen.

Zen was in the hall, outside the front door.

Unknown eyed the door, a scowl under his facemask, "I wonder who it is...? Maybe Luciel Choi...?"

"AYA! PLEASE!"

He was banging on the door. I hyperventilated, looking between the door and Unknown. He stepped through the glass and lifted a finger to his lips, "Shhh..." It was then that I noticed the small, cylindrical device in his hand. It looked like a button of some sort. Unknown kneeled down, gingerly plucking my knife from the floor. I pressed back against the wall. Unknown sighed and, with all the pace of a snail, first examined the blade before tossing it behind him. It stuck in the far wall, by the shattered window.

The front door was locked by the security system, now obviously under Unknown's control. There was no way Zen could get in, not with his banging, not even with the code. The door code would only open the first layer of protection on the door. There was still the physical deadbolt. Something beeped, again and again.

Unknown's head lolled to the side, eyeing the door, "He has the door code, but that won't get him in."

"Please..." his head snapped back while I pleaded, "Please leave me alone. I..." Zen's dream. He dreamed of a cage. I would never go back there, "I won't go with you."

"You have no choice," Unknown looked up at me, locking my eyes like a vice as he took to full height. Not quite as tall as Zen, but he still towered over me. I yelped and cried when he slammed a hand on the wall next to my head, smiling, "Time to go to Paradise, Aya."

He pulled. My arm jerked. And I fought. I screamed and clawed, all nails and teeth. He wouldn't take me. No one would ever take me again. Unknown's arm wrapped around my middle, yanking me against him. A man's arm, touching me without permission. I couldn't see his face, my back to his chest. I screamed, "No! No! Don't touch me! No!"

He said something, about standing still, but my ears were closed. I flailed, all limbs and fingernails and gnashing teeth. Never again, never again, never again, never aga-

Krrreack!

My tunnel vision cleared for the briefest moment. The door, once locked, swung open with little bits of wood splintering from where the electronic deadbolt was. Zen stood in the frame, tall and glorious like a warrior angel.

"Aya! Let her go, you son of a bitch!"

I couldn't see Unknown, but I felt his smile. His arms tightened around me. Sickening arms, touching me, his chest vibrating mine with the sound of his crazed chuckling. After a moment, the maniac stopped and merely said, "No."

Zen stepped into the apartment proper, shoulders hunched, face red with anger. He had no weapon, nothing like the sinister button in Unknown's hands. I went numb. Unknown was a hacker, like Luciel. He could have hacked the security. That button could control the security systems somehow. Zen took another step, his voice low and menacing and almost demonic, "If you don't, I'll have to use force to protect my girl."

Unknown's voice was completely unimpressed. The hand around my stomach left and the one around my neck tightened. He was showing Zen the button, "You have no idea what this is, do you? But if you take another step, Luciel Choi's wonderful 'security' will destroy everything..." His hand fell again to my cheek. I could barely see Zen, my vision blurred from tears, " _Everything_  the RFA holds dear."

Zen hesitated. He didn't know what the device was, or what security measures of Luciel's he had control over. As tear spilled over my cheeks, my vision cleared enough to make out his heartbreaking expression, "... what do you want?"

Those too-long, pale fingers of Unknown's trailed back down to my waist, "To escape this place with the RFA's party planner." He laughed, "Of course, I'll take all of the members away soon. Now you just watch there as I take your girl to Paradise." His fingers tightened on my stomach, "Aya will be happier there, anyway. You all will, in our nice gilded cages."

Gilded cages.

Cages.

Caged.

I couldn't breathe unless he allowed it. I couldn't eat unless he allowed it. If I screamed, it was worse. If I didn't scream when he demanded, it was worse. Gilded little birdie in her gilded little cage. Sing for me, birdie, sing for me and me alone. A happy little caged family, all complacent wax smiles. Dead, but still breathing.

There was a buzzing in my ears. Dots in my vision. The feel of the manacles at my wrists, my ankles. The clothes that weren't mine, were never mine, would never be mine. The downy pillows, the pastel colors. Sing for me, birdie, sing for me little lark. Sing, sing, sing.

And so I sang.

The sound was inhuman, from somewhere else. Someone else, in a different time, a different place. Unknown no longer held me.  _He_  held me. In his long arms, his lightly tanned fingers. Clawing, clutching, tearing me apart as I sang my screams for him.

"Hey! Stop that!"

The birdie wants out of the cage. The birdie wants freedom.

Another sang a sound of pain, and the caged arms were gone. I kept singing, screams and screams as I ran and ran. To where? I didn't know, I didn't care. Passed the angel-man, down the stairs as shouts and quick steps followed me. The cage was following me. The cage wanted it's birdie back.

I couldn't sing anymore. My throat was raw, drawing in pained breaths to fuel aching lungs, sore legs. But I kept on. Keep running, keep running for you and the one you couldn't save. The one who died to free you.

"Aya!"

That was the birdie's name. But I wasn't singing anymore, even as the air shifted and changed and evening yellows and oranges burst into sight and blinded me. Panic. You have to run, Aya. Run away and never look back. Run, and run, and run. But I couldn't run away anymore.

Arms shot out and jerked me back against a solid chest.  _He_  caught me,  _"Did you think I'd ever let you go, Aya?"_

"Aya, calm down!"

"Let me go! Let me go, Michael!" I screamed and fought, but these arms held still. Even as my teeth found purchase on the monster's arm, they didn't move. I tasted iron, and gasped. Ghosts don't bleed, monster's don't bleed.

"Aya, shhh, shhh nae sarang. It's Hyun," Hyun? What was a Hyun? Nae sarang... I knew those words. I knew them, but from where? They weren't words from the cage, they were...

The app. Mystic Messenger. Embarrassing Jaehee and getting laughed at in chat. Helping Yoosung with his homework. Joking with Luciel. Jumin's incessant love of cats and cat-based businesses driving poor Jaehee up the wall.

I fell limp, lifeless, in his arms. He didn't have the tanned skin of my monster. His was pale, smooth, perfect, "There we go, jagiya. Now just breathe. Yes, just like that. Calm. In and out, in and out. You're okay, you're safe. No one is coming after you now."

"Hyun..." The word was a cry, a plea, and a promise all at once. I turned to the man, this angel, torn between running and drawing him closer, "... help."

"How can I help, Aya?" His hand smoothed back my hair. I wanted those fingers closer, but I wanted them far away too.

So I closed my eyes, cutting off visual stimulation, "... I want... to leave."

"Okay. To my place?" He sighed when I flinched, "... or would Jaehee make you more comfortable?"

My eyes snapped open and I froze. Zen's expression was purposefully, painfully blank. But I could see through it. The pain and worry in his eyes, the strain of the pulse at his neck, lingering angry red all over. Oh gods. Oh gods, he  _knows_. Knows or suspects. What crazed words had I sung, had I screamed, back in that apartment?

He smiled, and it was heartbreaking, "It's okay. We'll go to Jaehee's-"

"Take me to your place."

Zen's hands slipped away, but I lunged to clutch at his chest, "Aya, you don't have to-"

"Please," I muttered into his t-shirt, "Please. I feel safer with you."

And I didn't. He hadn't run away yet. And I couldn't either. He suspected now, even more than ever before. And I knew how anxious he'd be if I was left with Jaehee, even under Jumin's guards, after this.

"... okay," Zen helped me to stand, but I collapsed against him. My legs were as useful as putty. But he held me up, and together half-wobbled to a small car nearby. He helped me in, careful never to move suddenly and never leaving my sight. But I couldn't feel his hands anymore. I was so tired. Just so, so tired.

"I'm gonna... sleep."

I couldn't see his face anymore. The car door closed and he moved around it. The other side opened, then closed. Then the car started, a low rumble that lulled me further from reality. I didn't hear his reply, just a noise from oceans away. And those oceans grew larger, wider, and darker. Until I was drowning in them. But I didn't mind. For once, I just let the darkness take me.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  Okay fuck me that was dark. But the next chapter is eeeeeeven darker! But also cute. Because angst angst angst. Also, yes, I did have the attempted kidnapping happen before anything real with Echo Girl. I did that because of how I decided to weave the stories together, and some stuff further down. So no worries, the bomb will come up eventually. Just got other characters, some angst, and a little more Phantom to deal with before then :D


	8. The Aftermath

**Disclaimer:**  Don't own stuff. Am poor. Too bad fanfic writing doesn't pay the bills xD

* * *

Chapter Seven

**The Aftermath**

_"When we are tired, we are attacked by ideas we conquered long ago."_

_\- Friedrich Nietzsche_

* * *

"She said she wants to talk to you."

Jaehee came over to the apartment late at night with a couple changes of clothes, some tolietries, and a new phone from Luciel. She and I talked for hours, huddled together on Zen's bed while he calmed down the others in the chatroom from the living room. A few times, I heard him yelling. At Luciel, from the sound of it.

I told Jaehee everything. Well, the gist of it anyway. No particulars. No one needed those.

And then I told her to send in Zen before she left.

When he came in, his shoulders hunched and eyes downcast like a wounded cat, I flinched. When I saw the dried blood on his arm, I sobbed, "I'm sorry."

His eyes snapped to mine, wide, "For what? You didn't do anything."

I gestured to his arm, noting how he hadn't moved in from the doorway, "... your arm."

"It'll heal."

"It needs cleaning."

"It's fine."

I scrambled out of the bed and headed for the stairs down to the living room, "I-I'll get s-something to bandage it."

He didn't move, and blocked my way downstairs. My heart leaped, eyes darting between him, the stairs, and the balcony. Seeing my distress, Zen sighed and slipped to the side. That pitying worry never left his usually smooth and smiling face, "Aya, I'm fine really. I healed from a sprained ankle in less than two days. The cuts probably already gone."

But I didn't listen, and raced for his bathroom medicine cabinet. Bandages, alcohol wipes, everything I needed. At least it was better stocked than his kitchen.

He followed me there, wordless, then to the couch. Zen sat beside me, weary to keep as much distance as possible. I felt my heart shattering. Had I scared him off finally? If not, he would after I told him...

Seeing the darkness settle over my face, Zen scooted a bit closer and held out his arm with a tight-lipped grin, "Alright, then."

I didn't smile, but I did take his hand. I hesitated over the blood, smeared over his left forearm in the shape of a 'C'. The stone in my stomach sank deeper and twisted. I'd done that. Not the miraculous breaking down the door he'd done. This was me.

"I can clean it off," Zen leaned over for the alcohol wipes and tissues, slowly pulling away from me again.

I stopped him, plucking them out of his hands and tearing open one of the wipe packages. I did this. I was going to fix it, "J-just stay st-still."

And he did, as I touched his arm with shaking fingers and wiped off the blood with the cloth. And revealed to me was nothing more than fresh, smooth skin. A thin red mark was all that remained of whatever horrid gash I'd torn in his skin. My gaze snapped his in shock. It had only been less than half a day.

And he smiled, this time a real one full of tenderness, "I'm an alien according to Seven, remember?"

"Oh... right," My eyes fell back to his arm. At this rate, the mark would be gone completely in another hour.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between us. After a solid ten minutes, Zen gathered up the medical supplies and put them away without a word. Then he sat back down. The only sound was the incessant ping of his cell phone on the counter.

When I looked at it, he sighed, "The guys are losing their minds in the chat right now."

"Shouldn't you-?"

He caught my gaze and held it, ruby eyes devoid of their usual cheer, "No. You're more important right now."

I couldn't look away for the longest time. But the weight of what I'd divulged to Jaehee, what Luciel already knew and I was about to tell Zen, won out. I turned away from him, facing the black television, and focused on my hands.

Zen must have felt the mood of the room changing, and said simply, "Jaehee said you wanted to talk to me."

It took me another full minute to answer with a nod, "Yeah."

"Is it about your panic attack at the apartment?"

"Yeah."

Then he said something that shocked me, even though I should have expected it, "You don't have to tell me anything. I will never force you to."

I couldn't help it; I looked back at him, slack-jawed. But he was only smiling that concerned, sweet little smile of his. Zen was giving me an out. No one gave me outs. Except... Zen had before, hadn't he? In the chat, on the phone, on our impromptu 'date'... he'd always given me the chance to back out.

"I know..." I looked down at my entwined fingers against my thighs. I smiled, almost, "But I need to. No..." I nodded, sure of something for the first time in years, "I want to."

And all he said was "Okay."

The words were hard to find. So instead of a fanciful tale of destruction and lost innocence, I started with the facts. From the beginning, and in the most detached way and tone I could manage. The more clinical I was, the more I could take.

"I grew up with three best friends," I started, dead-toned, "Kyoko, Derek, and Michael. Well, Derek was born Darla but he is really a man who we call Derek now. He's like the best big brother I never had. Always kept the rest of us in line, doing our homework, like our own male Hermione and..." There went my clinical approach. I shuttered and sighed, biting back a sob at the memories. Derek, in the hospital bed recovering from his top surgery. Then in the hospital again, recovering from the attack that led to it all. And the guilt. Always, always the guilt-

"I'm sure he thinks you're the best little sister too," Zen said.

That broke my spiraling thoughts, and I again almost smiled, "I hope you get to meet him someday."

I slid to the side, exhausted, and rested my head on the armrest before continuing, "I had a crush on Michael growing up. Senior year of highschool we started dating. Freshman year of college, he hit me during an argument." I could hear my cries from back then. The whimpering, the self-blame, all of it, "Michael blamed it on stress. His father is in business, both legitimate and... less so. He was pressuring Michael to take more responsibility on in the company."

"Was that what you argued about?"

I smiled then, but there was no happiness in it, "No. I wouldn't have sex with him. I wasn't ready yet."

"Aya..."

"He hit me three more times before Derek and Kyoko helped me leave him. They believed me and sided with me, and we thought he was cut out of our lives for good. But a few months later, he came back. Actually, he'd been stalking me the whole time and we never knew," I cringed and covered my mouth, sobbing for a moment. Zen shuffled in my periphery, and I blurted out, "I'm fine! I'm fine! I just... need a minute."

He stopped moving. I couldn't look at his expression, but his tone told me everything, "Take all the time you need."

And I did, calming myself before continuing. This was already more detailed than the barebones than I'd given Jaehee, "He ambushed me with two of his father's henchmen while I was at Derek's. Kyoko wasn't there. But Michael, he... he beat Derek within an inch of his life. Then he held me down with the help of one of the men and injected me with something that knocked me out. The last thing I heard was him telling the other man to 'make it look like an accident'." I drew in a deep, shaky breath, "I wouldn't find out for another year that Derek's neighbor had called the police and they'd gotten to him before he bled out. He survived, barely, and was in a coma for nearly the whole time I was... with Michael."

Here it was. The hardest part. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I wiped it away and ignored Zen's assurances that I could stop. That silly, kind, beautiful man. Didn't he see that I couldn't at this point? He needed to know, and I needed to tell him, so Zen could finally understand. And so, like so many others, he could finally be free to leave.

The numbness of my countenance and clinical tone kept the horrors at the edges of my mind - the flashbacks and the images and  _his_  words - at bay, but only barely, "Michael kept me in a cage in the basement of his mansion for a year." I rolled up the long sleeves of Jaehee's shirt. I revealed them, the scars I kept covered. Raised bumps, deeper lines, mostly fades away from the wrists until the inside of the elbow, "I was chained to the bed inside the cage with manacles at my wrists and ankles. The room was soundproofed. I was bathed by Michael daily. I was dressed by Michael. The cage was well kept, ornate even, and everything was... pristine." I hated it. So damn much. How he could keep my body so healthy and the rooms so clean, but destroyed my soul so thoroughly, "When he wanted a song, I sang. The basement was professionally soundproofed. Overkill, really, the mansion was on a multiple-acre estate."

"He beat me often. Cut lines in me, whipped me. Said it was my punishment for leaving, but eventually... I knew the real reason. He enjoyed my pain. It... the sick bastard got off to it." Keep it clinical, Aya. Keep it monotone. I drew in another deep breath. Zen was silent and unmoving like a statue, "He raped me daily, sometimes more than once. Sometimes, he would be sweet too. Brought me presents, video games." I almost told Zen about how Michael stopped that after I tried to hang myself with one of the controller cords. But I didn't, "He told me he loved me. But it wasn't love; it was control."

I skipped over the worst of it. The feel of his slithering fingers, how he would threaten to kill me one moment to planning our honeymoon in Costa Rica the next. But I did tell Zen the worse part.

"I begin to believe him," That admission was half whispered, but I felt Zen jerk on the couch. I couldn't even look his way anymore, focusing on the opposite wall instead, "After months in that basement, I thought he really did love me. That that was what love was. And that I loved him back. He was so happy when I told him... he strung me up and flogged me to celebrate." I patted my back over the shoulder, listless, "I still have those scars too."

There was still more. But I was scared. I still couldn't look at Zen. This part was the worst. My hand fell to my stomach and the memory of what was once there, "About four months before I escaped, I got sick. Turns out, I was pregnant. Michael was ecstatic, but I'd never been more afraid. Suddenly, I wasn't just surviving for myself. I was surviving for the innocent child with half the DNA of a monster. It broke me out of the Stockholm fog I'd started to settle in. I planned for a long time, how to escape. I knew that I needed to before giving birth, or my baby would be born in that hell. And I... was resolved to... to..." Breathe, Aya. Breathe. "... to kill myself before the baby was viable if that was the only option."

I was silent for a long moment. I couldn't even hear Zen's breathing, "When I tried a month later, I was of course caught. Michael beat me so badly that I bled. I bled a lot." I raised Jaehee's shirt a bit to show the long scar on my stomach, "Michael took me out of the basement for the first time. I couldn't say anything to the doctor, though I think he suspected even though Michael played the part of the panicked fiancee perfectly. I couldn't say anything because I was so scared."

I tried to keep going, but the memory of it... the doctor's face when he told Michael and I, all of it... it was too much. It was all too much. The tears spilled over, staining the old slightly fuzzy fabric of the couch. I covered my mouth with a fist to contain my sobs.

"Aya..." I felt, rather than saw, him reach for me.

"No, no no... no," I scooted away, holding my hands up, palms forward, to stop him. I sobbed again and covered my mouth, "I can do this. I can do this."

He didn't say anything, but after a few long, tense minutes Zen asked after thickly swallowing, "How did you escape?"

I could tell he didn't want to ask, not really. But the questioning was what I needed to finish the story. There was something more detached about answering questions, "His beating caused a miscarriage. Michael took me home and caged me, but he was different." I winced, remembering how, after so long in captivity, I'd felt so sorry for him then, "He was... sad. He told me he'd wanted the baby as much as I did, so we could... could be a  _family_." I gave a hollow laugh, "Family... but when he threw me back in the cage, in his depressed state, he forgot to lock the cage door. I waited four hours, forty-two minutes, and thirteen seconds to escape. I knew because of the digital clock in my cell."

I ran the hand on my mouth over my face, peering through my fingers at the television, "I snuck out of the mansion, then broke into a run through the estate grounds. I don't know how I managed it, but I got to the neighbors and they called the police. I was taken to the hospital, his mansion was raided and Michael arrested, and with Derek's testimony and all the other evidence, Michael was given life in prison without the possibility of parole. I spent a year between in-patient and out-patient care for my injuries and... psychiatric care." I didn't tell him about the trial. About being forced to relive it all over and over again, how his high-powered lawyers tried over and over to assassinate my character and make me out as a harlot. He didn't need to know about all that.

I clicked my tongue, hands dropping to my lap, and I smiled, "And that's my story."

When an eternity passed in silence, I finally turned to look at Zen. My eyes widened, jaw agape, when I saw his tears. Why? Why was he crying? Before I could think, I reached for him, one shaky hand on his shoulder and the over cupping his cheek to wipe away the tears.

"Please... don't cry for me. It was a long time ago."

He shook his head, eyes shut tight. His teeth were clenched, as were his hands, and I could feel his trembling underneath my hands, "I... I-I..." Zen moved away quickly, startling me away. He stopped and started moving slowly instead, standing and opening his red eyes. He forced a smile - such a thin, watery one - and said, "I need a minute. I'll be right back."

Then he stormed from the room and up the steps to the bedroom. I watched him in shock. Should I have told him? What did he think of me now? Did he think I was as dirty as I felt sometimes? I was crying now too; I hadn't realized how much I'd needed him to understand me. To accept me. And he didn't.

 _Crash!_  "Goddammit!"

I bolted off the couch, gasping as my head snapped up. Something had happened upstairs, in the bedroom. I dashed for the stairs and threw the bedroom door open without a thought.

Zen was doubled over, forearms against the wall that was sported a new fist-sized hole. He looked like a wounded animal, and I approached cautiously, all my doubt melting away to worry, "... Hyun?"

Slowly, his gaze drew up to meet my eyes. He was a kaleidoscope of emotions; rage, sadness, worry, confusion, and many more in between. His arms slipped and Zen stood to full height, "... sorry."

I eyed the hole in the wall, "Are you okay?"

He chuckled without humor, "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

I ignored him, "The wall, did you...?"

"I was angry- not at you!" He hastily added when my eyes widened, "At that worthless piece of shit who did that to you. At Unknown, for making you relive any part of it. And..." His gaze dropped, "... at myself for not being there for you when it happened."

My mouth gaped open, "Zen, I didn't  _know_  you then."

"I know. I know it's stupid," He huffed and turned away, running a hand through his hair, "I know I've only known you a couple weeks. And I know this all must seem crazy to you, who just wanted to get away from the stress back home, but..." Zen sat on the side of his bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands, "I love seeing you smile. I love hearing you laugh, hearing you sing. I want to see you dance someday. I-I want you safe and happy, with whoever and wherever make you feel both those things the most." Then he added, in a voice so low I almost didn't catch it, "I don't know how much words mean, but I will would rather  _die_  than do anything to you that you didn't want."

"Hyun..." I knelt in front of him, hesitating for just a second before reaching up and pulling his hands away from his face. He stared at me like a broken man. And I smiled, truly and broadly, for this beautiful man that just saved me from whatever Unknown had in store and was so tortured by the stories of a past that wasn't even his own, "... thank you."

"May I..." With his eyes flickering between mine, and how they dropped to my lips, I knew what he  _wanted_ to say, even if that wasn't what actually came out of his mouth, "May I touch you? A-a hug, nothing more."

My hands pulled from his and reached up, wrapping around his neck as I settled between his parted knees. Zen gave a shuttering breath as his long arms wrapped around my upper back, holding me securely. Tight, but not too tight. It wasn't a cage, because I knew that with a single sound or movement of discomfort, he would always let me go. I could always leave if I wanted to. And that realization made me think that I never wanted to leave at all.

Zen insisted that I sleep in his bed, and despite my protests, he got his way when the lanky man rolled himself up like a burrito of blankets at the foot of his bed. I thought about telling him we could share - he was in the room to begin with because I was too scared to be alone. But the words wouldn't come out. I wasn't sure if I would ever be okay with that again.

I checked Messenger in the morning, before the sun rose all the way. My phone was out of commission, so Zen showed me how to switch profiles on the app before bed using his own. Over a thousand missed messages, of course. Yoosung and Jaehee were in the room.

_\- Aya has entered the chatroom -_

**[Aya]:**... Hello?

 **[Yoosung]:**  Aya! Are you okay?

 **[Aya]:**  Yeah. Zen's still asleep. Tried to get him to take the bed, but he sort of turned himself into a human burrito on the floor instead.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** Such a gentleman. But Aya, really. Are you okay?

I knew what she meant and my fingers froze on the phone for a long while. Then, with a sigh, I answered.

 **[Aya]:** I will be.

 **[Yoosung]:** *confused emoji*

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** Girl problems.

I smiled. Nice save on her part.

 **[Aya]:** What are you two doing up so early? I assume you're playing LOLOL again, Yoosung and... Jaehee, tell me you aren't working.

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** *sighing emoji*

 **[Aya]:**  omg. Have you slept?

 **[Jaehee Kang]:** *depressed emoji*

 **[Aya]:** Jaehee, sleep!

Then, a direct message buzzed in. Jaehee explained that she couldn't rest yet. Between the cat commerical prep, the other cat project, and her own interest in coffee despite Jumin's insistence of sidelining it, she didn't have time for rest.

At that moment, something clicked. Before I could stop myself, I told Jaehee to meet me at the cafe where Driver Kim picked me up days before. I gave her the address and opening time. The owner there was nice; she'd know how to help Jaehee. And even if not, I could get her some coffee as thanks for... everything really.

But was I ready to go out? I looked at the sun peaking over buildings and illuminating Zen's balcony. I was torn between my old fears wanting to stay cooped in and the burning desire to move on. This time, however, I didn't call Seven.

Careful not to wake Zen, I crept from bed - I was in one of Jaehee's old musical merch t-shirts and shorts - and nudged open the glass balcony door. Outside the air was cool, crisp, fall having finally descended on South Korea.

As I stared out at the city from this little half underground apartment, I made a decision.

The RFA had done so much for me. Jaehee, Zen, Seven, Yoosung, even Jumin. I wasn't going to run away anymore. I was going to stand here tall, and fight. My own demons - real and imagined - would not take hold of me again.

"You are so... beautiful."

I jumped, startled. I hadn't heard him wake up, much less come to the door. I stared at the ground and fidgeted with my hem, "I... I'm a bit too scarred up for that-"

"Beautiful," He stepped right up to me and his penetrating gaze drew my eyes up, "And I will say it every single moment until you believe it too."

"Hyun..."

He gestured to my clasped hands, "May I?" I nodded, swallowing thickly when he drew my left hand up to his face. Another locking of the eyes. Another question. Another nervous, trembling nod.

His lips grazed the inside of the scars there. Unlike the long sleeved clothes I usually wore, these laid the rope burn and torture scars bare for anyone to see. And he kissed them, one after another after another, each meeting of lip to skin done deliberately. Slowly. Eyes closed as if savoring the sensation.

He stopped at my elbow, once my trembling increased ten fold. I could only take so much of... of this amazing man at once.

"Hold me, Hyun."

Zen didn't hesitate. We stood on that balcony as the sun continued to rise, his toned arms pulling me tight - but never too tight - against him. And that was when I felt it. He was trembling too.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  Holy shit, I've actually updated a chapter omg~!

 


	9. All I Ask of You

**Disclaimer:**  I wish I had one of the boys. Then I'd have my first real boyfriend xD

* * *

Chapter Eight

**All I Ask of You**

_Being deeply love by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.'_

_\- Lao Tzu_

* * *

To say Zen didn't want me to meet Jaehee alone was an understatement, "You were almost kidnapped yesterday!"

I rung my hands together. Luciel was still putting together a true version of the app for my new phone; Zen said once that each of them had slightly different features programmed by Luciel himself, but it also meant that I wouldn't have access to the Messenger outside of Zen's phone for another day or two. But still... "I have your direct phone number in my phone, right? I can call you-"

"That's not good enough, jagiya. You..." Zen huffed and ran a hand through his hair, looking old beyond his years, "You didn't see yourself - hear yourself - and I... please,  _please_  don't ask me to just let you go yet. I-I don't think..." He swallowed, thickly, and fixed me with such a longing, teary-eyed and exhausted look that I broke inside, "I don't think I can."

Slightly trembling from his emotions crashing over me, I put a hesitant hand on his shoulder. It was getting... easier, somehow, to touch him, "I'm not going anywhere. It's broad daylight. The cafe will be full of people. Jaehee will be there. But Hyun, I... I understand. Here-" I smiled, "-since you're so worried, why not drive me? You drive, right? And Jaehee can bring me back after."

His shoulders, once hunched and tense, relaxed, "I don't have a car, just the bike. Been saving up for one, but are you okay riding with me?"

My smile widened, "Do you have a spare helmet?"

Zen scoffed, "Of course I do. And spare leathers, though they'll be big on you. But..." His bit the corner of his lip, coloring just so, and my breath caught. How could such a man have this effect on me, after everything? "I don't have a spare key for you yet. And I have to be at the theatre for rehearsals by noon-"

"-Jaehee has work at 10am, I'll be back way before you go."

His expression softened, "I was hoping you'd come. To see me rehearse."

Now it was my turn to blush, "I-I yes! Yes, H-Hyun, of course I will."

Zen turned away with the strangest strangled sound. He excused himself and I swear that I heard him mutter before disappearing into the bedroom, "I swear if she says my name like that again I'll-"

When he came back, my blush was still there in full force. Zen didn't look at me when he handed over a thick leather jacket that smelled equal parts of leather and just... Zen. The helmet looked older, not dusty just disused. I wondered when the last time he took anyone for a ride on the motorcycle was, if ever.

The bike itself was sleek, well taken care of, and I could tell he loved the machine. His fingers lingered on it, dancing on the bars for a few short seconds before swinging a leg over an straddling the seat. He flashed me one of his winning grins and patted the seat. And then this gorgeous, infuriating man had the gall to _wink_  at me. My face was probably never going to recover.

"Oh you look so adorable when you blush, jagiya," Zen said, "Come on, sit here."

I kept my eyes focused on the black leather of his jacket, far from his face, when I sat, "U-um... where do I uh... put my hands?"

This was a bad idea.

"Around my stomach; hold on tight, nae sarang," There was a smile in his voice, a lightness I'd missed in the last few days. I gulped noisily and he hesitated, "... if you're not okay with it, I'll call a cab and-"

"N-no! No, I'm fine Hyun just uh..." This man was going to be the death of me.

Feeling my blood rushing up again, I snaked my arms around his waist. Even through the leather, I could feel his warmth, and buried my head in his back so he couldn't see my blushing. Hugging this man, being with him... it was making it easier and easier to forget. That I was broken and awkward and distorted inside.

When the motorcycle started and the wind whipped by us, I held him tighter as if Zen was the whole world.

* * *

Jaehee waited inside with a large cup of coffee in a cute mug adorned with rabbits. Zen didn't leave until I was well inside, something that didn't escaped the straight-laced woman from the look on her face and how she eyed my jacket. But she didn't comment, only gesturing to the seat next to her with a sweet smile, "How are you feeling?"

"... better," I went to the counter first, where Jangmi waited with a smile, "Can I get a... medium chai latte and a blueberry muffin, please?"

The old woman nodded and ran my card before I went back to Jaehee, "That old woman's really nice."

I laughed, "Yeah. When I told her about Zen's injury, she gave me a bunch of free croissants for him."

"She gave me some pointers on making better use of my French press at home," Jaehee's eyes glinted. She looked more alive than I'd ever heard her be on the messenger. Even though yesterday was the first time we'd meet face to face, when she delivered tolietries and clothes to Zen's.

I said, a bit of a shy smile in my voice, "Maybe you should ask her about an apprenticeship or job. Classes or something."

Jaehee's eyes widened, "Would she-?" When I nodded, she blushed, "That would... I..."

Jangmi came back and set down my drink with a knowing look of her own, "There's not many customers at the moment, so I overheard. You're interested in coffee, Ms. Kang?"

"Y-yes...!"

The old woman's face crinkled from the force of her matronly smile, "You're welcome any time. I'm afraid I'm getting on in years, my dear, and non of my children ever showed interest in baking or coffee. It would be wonderful to teach a young person like yourself."

"I... but I am quite busy with work..."

"She'll do it," I said, grinning behind the lip of my tea.

Jaehee sputtered, looking at me with wide eyes, "Aya-!"

"Everyone knows how much you're loving researching coffee for work, Jaehee," I said, "And between everyone at the RFA - not including Jumin - and Luciel's help with the cat project, you should be fine to come learn from Jangmi at least on occasion."

"I..." Her shoulders sank a bit, and I could see the cogs working behind her eyes. They worked in her favor, overcoming Jaehee's self doubt just long enough for her to nod and smile.

Jaehee and Jangmi talked for a whole half hour, with me only occasionally piping up. I didn't know much about coffee, but I did know about tea and a bit of baking from back home. Somehow, the sly old woman managed to extract a promise from me to bring by my mother's challah recipe at some point. I'm sure Mom wouldn't mind.

Then Jaehee must have noticed the time, for she gasped and like lightning we were out of the cafe. Just a bit behind schedule in her opinion (meaning she would get to work on time, instead of early). I smiled, truly happy for her. Every time the brunette spoke about coffee or listened to Jangmi explain her brewing methods or where she got her beans, Jaehee just looked so... alive. I found myself almost asking her to just quit her job for Jumin right then and there.

Zen was all keyed up when Jaehee dropped me off. She'd taken a back way into the apartment complex, parking close but on the side that was less travelled. I knew she was trying to keep Zen's reputation intact, with me staying there for an as-yet undetermined amount of time. Jaehee really was sweet.

With Jaehee already running late by her account - on time by any sane person's - she left in a hurry. And with the same amount of speed, I was whisked away by the albino blonde. The theatre he worked for was within walking distance so we didn't take the bike again. Probably another reason why he'd picked that particular apartment.

"Hyun, hold on," As we reached the colossal place and ducked towards a side entrance, I tugged on his sleeve a bit.

He gave me a soft smile, "What's up, jagiya?"

"I just wanted to, you know... say thank you," I shifted my weight, "For everything. For going against Luciel last night, for taking me to your place, for giving me space and letting me talk... just, you know, everything..." I stared down at my fingers, fidgeting, "Thank you, it... well, it means a lot. You haven't known me that long, and-"

"Aya, those are just the things you do for someone you love," My head snapped up, but he'd turned away, fiddling with the side door. He'd said it so nonchalantly, so out of nowhere-

An older woman with pulled back hair and a kind face called from inside, "There you are, Zen! You..." She trailed off when we entered, raising an eyebrow at me. Then something clicked and she smiled, "This is Aya, isn't it? You said you were bringing a friend."

"Yeah," He shot me a soft smile, "Aya, this is Director Eunha. Eunha, like I said on the phone, she's staying with me for a bit."

"Her apartment was broken into, if I remember what you said," Eunha nodded, her smile fading a bit, "Don't look so worried, Zen; she'll be with me in the audience."

"Excellent."

"Hello, ma'am," I bowed at the waist, earning a laugh from the both of them. I blushed deeply and Zen grasped my hand with a small squeeze. In that moment, a billion thoughts exploded in my head and I froze. He tried to pull back, regret rolling off him in waves, but I was quicker and grasped his hand tighter.

Eunha didn't seem to notice, "Well, you're here now. Chun Hei is here too, I figured we'd work on her scenes with Raoul a bit more. She's still... well..." The woman's shoulders sagged a bit, "She's trying really hard, but her heart's not in it."

"She's a seamstress, not an actress," Zen patted the director on the shoulder with a small smile, "Don't worry, we'll find a replacement for Ji Woo."

"If that woman wasn't such a drama queen..." Eunha pinched the bridge of her nose, "You couldn't go on just one date with her, Zen?"

Zen's eyes flashed down at me and he groaned, "It's never just one date with women like her, Director." His thumb rubbed comforting circles against my hand, and I realized I'd tensed up. I didn't want to think about why. It wasn't jealousy, not really. But still, the thought of Zen on a date with another woman...

It made me... angry. Even if I had no right to be.

Eunha led us through the winding corridors of the theatre as all kinds of people rushed about around us. Stage builders and designers in paint-splattered clothes, a few costumers measuring actors or running through the halls with bolts of cloth or clothing from the storage rooms. It was a sort of hectic organized chaos, and I shuffled closer to Zen for fear of getting separated. He never stopped smiling, and once winked at me, causing another bright red blush.

I didn't miss how everyone stared. Zen seemed to enjoy it, saying hello to everyone by name and never even trying to hide our joined hands. Most of the looks were curious, though a handful of the women and even a couple of the men we passed had a glint of jealous in their eyes. Though it was never really malicious; I got the feeling from just how warmly all the actors and back stage persons acted with each other that this was one big family. A family with Eunha at the head, like some grandmother figure. Everyone listened to her and made way, but she moved with purpose and even more smiles. Everything at the theatre was cheery. Cheery, chaotic, and unpredictable with an overarching air of purpose and drive.

A lot like Zen himself, I realized.

We went straight to the stage. Eunha explained that they weren't nearly ready for dress rehearsals yet, though some pieces were used in the mean time as stand-ins to help with staging. She explained, obviously for me and not for Zen, that the lights would dim in the audience when they started rehearsal, so she could get a better idea of how they were doing.

I was excited. I'd seen videos and such of Zen's performances online, but never in person. Soon, as Zen stepped away and lifted our joined hands to kiss my knuckle - after waiting for a nod and smirking at my resulting blush - I found myself unable to stop smiling. He left the stage and Eunha led me off into the audience, to a small table in a cleared section a few rows back.

"He's never brought a... 'friend'... to rehearsal before," I stumbled as I sat, earning a chuckle for a Director, "I always thought he was too busy for a relationship. The boy's a workaholic."

"It's... it's not like that," or was it? I didn't know. What were we?"

"Oh, this old girl thinks it is," Eunha shuffled some papers around, organizing the table in a matter-of-fact way, "Zen's never looked at a girl like he looks at you. It's not acting; trust me, even the best actors in the world can't fake that look."

_"I've always wanted to go on a picnic as a date."_

_"I'll miss you every moment."_

_"May I touch you?"_

"... maybe," I didn't want to think about it.

You came to Korea to heal, Aya.

I know I did. I knew, but at the same time... Zen said he wanted me safe and happy. He wanted to be by my side, to protect me. But still... I couldn't fathom him actually wanting me. Not in that way, not my broken self.

Eunha fitted and then spoke into a small earpiece, "Everyone on deck; we'll start with the masquerade choreography, then the first act."

It reminded me of the few productions I'd been in back in high school, though this was on a much grander scale. Since it was still early-ish in production, everyone was in comfy clothing. No costumes came out yet, save for a cape for the actor playing the Phantom - Eunha said his name was Iseul - and props like swords and such. None of it could prepare me or serve as a buffer to hearing Zen sing in person for the first time. It was just small sections - Raoul didn't really have long solo or duo pieces like Christine and the Phantom - but he was easily the best singer in the whole bunch. It was melodic and hypnotic in a way I'd never heard before. Recordings and videos didn't do the real thing justice at all, not even through the phone like we'd always done until now. The girl playing Christine was... decent, but nothing compared to Zen. Very pretty in a mousy sort of way, and with a great voice, but just... not into it. I could tell, and obviously Zen and Eunha could too from their words earlier. She looked nervous and unsure at times, yet did pick up and do well when the spotlight was on her. I felt sorry for the girl; I knew what it was like to not want to be in the spotlight.

"You're new; Chun Hei doesn't look as bad to you as she does to me, right?" Eunha said quietly as the actors reset to go through the scene again.

I shook my head, "I mean... she's okay. Not bad, but-"

"We had to beg her to step in, Zen and I," Eunha sighed, "With some help of the rest of the costumers. She's a clothes person; no interest whatsoever for the stage, but she's a decent singer and doesn't have two left feet, and we were desperate after Ji Woo up and left when Zen rejected her."

"Why did he?" I swallowed thickly, "I mean, well-"

"Ji Woo was looking for a show-mance with the most attractive man any of us has ever seen, and Zen wanted no part of a potential scandal, that's all," Eunha said, "He got fed up with her once over a failed seduction, they fought over it, and Ji Woo quit. I don't blame him for getting mad; it just puts the production in a bind. Finding someone of the acting caliber of Zen and Iseul to take a lead role is... difficult."

That was when I noticed her side-eye me with an almost expectant look. My shoulders sank; Zen must have told her what my major in school was. I wonder if he'd told her that he was using me to practice lines in his spare time? I hoped not; I didn't need two people begging me to try out now.

Hours later and rehearsal came to a close. Eunha instructed the already dim audience lights to be turned off, leaving the only light still on being the ghost light on stage. I raced up to meet Zen as the others left.

"You looked amazing up there, Hyun."

His smile was as brilliant as it was captivating, "You will come see the full production then, I hope. Myself, on the stage as Raoul, in full costume. Fighting to save the one he loves from the dastardly Phantom."

My own grin was genuine, even as I blushed for the hundredth time today, "I... I wouldn't miss it."

"I'm glad," Zen's face softened. He leaned down just a bit at the waist, enough to catch my eyes, "I'll make sure to sing extra well that night, just for you."

I gulped noisily. I hope he didn't hear it, "Wh-what if I come every night you perform?" What was I doing? That sounded almost... flirtatious. Clumsy and ill-timed, but still. I winced.

He moved slowly to cup my hand, "Then I'll sing for you every night, jagiya."

"H-Hyun!" I covered my lower face with my other hand and looked away. I felt hot, distracted, but I didn't pull away from his hand.

"How adorable you are, jagiya," Zen stood to full height again. His hand slipped from mine as he half turned towards the backstage, "Will you wait for me a moment? between here and the production back areas is a mess. I've got another quick fitting for a jacket, then I'll get our jackets and helmets and we'll head out."

I lunged for his arm before he'd even moved five feet, "Wait!" A couple people still filing out slowed and stared for a moment before scurrying off under Zen's glare.

"I'll be close, don't worry," Zen covered my hand in both of his and drew it up to his chest, "It's just a moment; I don't want you getting lost backstage. I'll give you a full tour later, when it's not so hectic back there, so you know you're way around and I won't have to worry."

"Oh... okay," I didn't want him to leave me alone, but those words stuck in my throat. This was different than when he'd dropped me off with Jaehee. I knew her, trusted her, and that cafe was a place I knew and it'd been daylight. The theatre was dark save for the stage and I didn't know anyone well save for him. Some of my earlier fear from the attack returned, but I bit back and swallowed those concerns. If I voiced them, Zen would only worry more.

"I'll be back, Aya, nae sarang," He lifted my hand and pulled my other to join it near his perfect lips. His smile was soft, reassuring, "May I?"

I nodded, breath coming out in a shudder when his lips touched my knuckles. Then Zen left me with a smile and I watched him, ponytail swaying as he walked and disappeared into the darkness behind the half-done stage walls and blackout curtains. It was then that, for the first time since before Unknown attacked the apartment, I was alone.

I sat in the center of the ghost light cast on the stage, wrapping my arms around myself. A familiar fear crept up in the back of my mind, seeping through the cracks of my brain and trying hard to take root there. But I didn't let it, humming to myself some of the music I'd heard today. Nothing could hurt me here. There were dozens of people in the theatre, and every couple minutes or so I'd spot one or two weaving through the seats or glimpsed backstage. For the most part, I was alone. But I knew that if I screamed or went looking, I would find Zen. So far, he'd always come when I'd needed someone. Even if how he knew made no logical sense, like how he knew the apartment break in was going to happen yesterday.

But yesterday still happened. It all still happened. He hadn't been able to Unknown from coming at all. I was still vulnerable. I was still alone here, right now, wasn't it? Zen was still human; he wasn't infallible even if he had managed to strong arm through the apartment door.

What if he couldn't save me some other time? What if I failed to protect myself again? What if, in a moment like this, Unknown came back? Was he following us? What did he want? He wanted to take me to this 'paradise', said I was 'chosen', but I'd heard similar promises from... from  _him_  and I didn't want that. I didn't want to go back there. I didn't, I couldn't.

I'd rather die than go back into that dark basement.

Dark like the audience was right now. Dark like so many places I'd been, in my mind and back in the States. Back when I'd been with  _him_.

A tear slid down my cheek, cooling almost immediately in the air conditioned theatre. I shook my head with a little too much force, then buried it in my knees. But that only resulted in the darkness and the images behind my eyelids coming forward, and that was somehow  _worse_  and-

"No more talk of darkness," I bolted up at the singing, whipping to the right and clutching at pounding, half-panicked heart, "Forget these wide-eyed fears."

Zen was there, at the edge of the stage right where the ghost light ended and the darkness behind began. He stepped into the light proper, a strange look on his face. Comforting, yet serious and earnest all the same, "I'm here, nothing can harm you." He strode right up to me and I had to look away, not wanting him to see my near panic attack when I'd said I would be okay. Zen put a hand on my shoulder and guided my chin to face him. I was torn between jerking away and leaning in, "My words will warm and calm you."

I knew this song. We'd practiced it plenty of times over the phone. But here, up close and in person, with his heavenly voice mere inches away... it was terrifying in how different it made me feel. Zen paused and, still with the calm face, wiped away my few tears with his thumb, "Let me be your freedom. Let daylight dry your tears." Then his hands fell to cup my own, squeezing them gently, "I'm here, with you, beside you. To guard you and the guide you."

Of course he came just as I was starting to panic. He was even still wearing a half-pinned jacket. Had he had another one of his visions? Was he just some sort of guardian angel sent to watch over me? I wanted to laugh at how cliche that sounded.

But it was my turn to sing. We were alone on the stage, in the bright spotlight and surrounded by the near-impenetrable darkness beyond. Near, because Zen seemed to walk through the darkness and back like it was nothing. Whereas I always found myself trapped there.

I stared down at our joined hands, "Say you love me every waking moment." I drew our hands up, pressing them against his chest as I took a step forward. We were only separated now by the width of our joined arms, "Turn my head with talk of summertime." I knew all the words. Of course I did. And as I sang the next, my voice echoing through the room just as strong as his - yet unsure, with a hint of wavering - I looked up at him. I tried to convey all my conflicting emotions through my eyes. My worry, my doubt, all of it, "Say you need me with you now and always. Promise me that all you say is true." By the gods, if it was... I wasn't sure what I would do. It felt like I was walking a tightrope; which way would I fall? "That's all I ask of you."

Without missing a beat, Zen kept going as his hands danced down my arms, "Let me be your shelter." Those hands stopped at my shoulders, gripping there tightly but never restraining, "Let me be your light." When Zen drew me in, arms wrapped around my upper torso and holding me against him, I didn't stop the much taller man. His head rested atop mine, and I sobbed once, "You're safe, no one will find you. Your fears are far behind you."

I didn't want to push away. I wanted to stay here. But it was my turn now, and I pushed away just enough with my hands balled up in the t-shirt underneath the jacket to sing, "All I want is freedom." I looked down. That was true, truer than even the words of this fictional musical could possibly comprehend, "A world with no more night." No more cages, no more pain.

And then, I touched him. My own hand, of my own accord, traced the invisible line from the tops of his cheeks to his jaw, then my fingers splayed out between there and his neck, "And you, always beside me. To hold me and to hide me."

His smile was more brilliant and devastating than the sun. Zen took my hand and spun me, earning something between a laugh and a squeal. He took me into a half dance around the spotlight area, never dwelling too near the darkness of the rest of the stage, "Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime." As suddenly as the impromptu dance began, it ended, and he swung me back into his arms so my back was pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around me securely from behind as he sang, "Let me lead you from your solitude."

In spite of myself, I leaned back against him. Relishing in the heat he provided. In the safety he promised, both in the song and all the times before. One of his arms drew upwards, across my stomach and slowly up my arm to the shoulder, "Say you need me with you here, beside you." I turned my head a bit to try as see him. Of what I could see, the look in his ruby eyes spoke volumes. Pleading, begging in a way no man had ever looked at me before. Any look  _he'd_ ever given to me was a pale imitation to this... love... in his eyes.

I stopped breathing for a few seconds. His hand at my shoulder ghosted up, a couple fingers lightly grazing my pulse to draw back my hair a bit as his head leaned over my other shoulder to catch my eyes proper, "Anywhere you go, let me go too."

Good god, that  _look_.

"Aya, that's all I ask of you."

My breath shuddered out of me, emotions wracking through my weak and scarred body. He'd used  _my_  name, not Christine's. Not the characters. This wasn't just a spur of the moment song. He was speaking directly to me; I couldn't deny that even if I tried. One of my hands found his still around me and laced our fingers together. Once more, my turn. And yet it would be lying to say any 'acting' was going on between us, "Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime. Say the word-" I used my hand in his as leverage to turn in his arms, the hand at the nape of my neck slipping to settle against my hip as I held the other between us, "-and I will follow you." It was harder to sing now. With each syllable of his - and mine - I felt myself more breathless. Warmer. Overwhelmed.

And together, in each others arms, we sang, "Share each day with me; each night, each morning."

My heart beat. The next line. It would confirm what he'd let slip with such nonchalance earlier. What Eunha alluded to, what I fear so much... yet also coveted.

"Say you love me."

He didn't miss a beat, "You know I do."

A tear slipped down once more, and once more was Zen there to wipe it way with a thumb from our joined hands. He leaned in, so close yet not close enough for this heady, warm feeling enveloping me. The next line was only half sung, all pretext forgotten as we whisper-sang only for each other, "Love me, that's all I ask of you."

I knew what the script called for, of course I did. Zen and I had joked about it. Two major kisses in the production, with a smattering of other ones. And yet, despite our closeness and the finality of the words of the song we sang so faithfully, Zen's eyes and his face and everything about him betrayed the man. He had no intention of kissing me here. The pulse on his neck strained, his forehead rested against mine with the smallest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips. Pupils wide, eyes flickering down, down. Only a fool would try to say he didn't want to.

But could I? Could I risk that? With him, here, now?

The pause was too long, and Zen began to pull back an inch. He spoke, voice so thick with emotion that even he stumbled, "A-Aya-"

I leaned up on my toes and pulled him down fiercely, our lips meeting like the force of two clashing storms. His arms were everywhere in a flash - in my hair, on my hip, my cheek, sweeping over me and leaving warmth wherever they went. Then I was flying, his lips moving softly against my own as he swung me around. I laughed, and he laughed too, all giddy and happy between kisses and pecks.

Then I landed on my feet again. The kiss drew deeper. Purposeful. His hands settled, one woven through my hair and the other tight across my back. And yet I gave as I got, breathless and tugging him ever closer.

The memory of where we were seeped back into my traitorous mind. I was the first to draw back, Zen's close-eyed face following as if in a trance to catch my lips once more. But I placed a finger to his, only for Zen's eyes with a haze of a man drunk to slide open and press another kiss down the length of said finger.

The song wasn't over yet.

"Anywhere you go, let me go too," I put my hands on his cheeks, his own now at my hips, as we sang, "Love me; that's all I ask of you."

The silence that stretched after was too long. Zen leaned down enough that his forehead touched mine, but as the world caught up, so did my fears. I bit my lip and looked away. He leaned down more, trying to catch my eye. It took longer still for him to say anything, this voice thick and almost hoarse, "Aya. Aya, I-"

"Don't say you love me again yet, please,  _please_ ," I whispered low enough that it wouldn't carry in the cavernous theatre, "G-give me a minute. I-I... I don't know wh-wh..."

He was touching me. I'd touched him. I'd  _kissed_  him. My first kiss since Michael. My first... consensual... in even longer. One I couldn't deny I wanted. One I didn't deserve. Zen's hands on my hips. My lips were still warm and kiss-swollen. I was shaking like a leaf from head to toe.

As Zen pulled me in with a small sigh, his head again atop mine, a voice and clapping broke our bubble, "That was amazing!"

The sound that came from my throat was somewhere between a scream and some sort of animalistic strangled yell. I tore away from Zen, stumbling back a few steps, and whipped around to face the darkness of the audience. Slowly, the form of Eunha entered the light as she stepped up the side steps onto the stage. She was smiling broadly, hands clasped in front of her. I knew what she was going to ask before she spoke.

"Now I suspected, but that little display pretty well proves it," She said, "You're voice is... beautiful. On par with Zen's himself, I dare say. Now I really  _must_  have you for our Christine."

"I-I..." I looked at Zen. He still looked somewhat in a daze, staring at me with a calm face, slow to blink. There was an affection there, a kind I knew was an act. A kind that terrified me, "I don't kn-know..."

Could I? Could I sing again for an audience? It'd been so long since anyone had heard me sing. And yet, in such a relatively short time in Korea, I'd begun to open up again. Would it... would it really be so bad?

When my vision blurred from stress-tears, Zen moved. He wrapped long arms around me, "Director Eunha, Aya already told me no. There's no point in stressing her out more."

A sigh from behind me, "I see. That's really too bad then, because the chemistry there was on point."

Zen's words made me freeze in his arms. He'd jokingly badgered me multiple times about playing Christine, always laughing off my no's with a harmless manner. It was sort of a joke now, but even still I knew how much he really did want me to play her. And after seeing him today, on the stage, and singing alongside him... for Zen to give up so easily when Eunha mentioned it, just because he saw how it stressed me out...

"I'll do it."

Zen's hand, which was rubbing circles on my back, stilled, "I'm sorry, what was that? I-I couldn't hear you."

That was probably the first time I'd ever heard his voice crack. I pushed against his chest, raising my head enough that my words could be heard loud and clear as I looked him dead in the eye.

"I'll play Christine."

* * *

 **Author's Note:**  Y'all freakin' knew I was gonna make it happen xD

**Review Replies:**

drmsqnc: Emotionally fucking with characters gives me life >D


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